[Kayleigh]

So, I hear from most people in my family that kids are worth all the work, but I hear from... people in general that it's all sacrifice, and not worth it at all. Not that I'm planning on having kids any time in the near future (maybe 6-10 years from now, though). Someone even said that your life more or less ends when you have kids. (they weren't young parents, either) Those with kids, or just with an opinion, tell me what you think! (please )

[Myzen]

Hi Kayleigh,

As my daughter grew up and became my friend I suddenly knew what love was. There is nothing, absolutely nothing to touch it. She singlehandedly made everything worth while.

Good luck,

Myzen

[Wants2Fly]

I never had children. I believed, rightly or wrongly, that I would not be a good mom. I have spent my life with my nose pressed up against the glass of life, watching the laughter and joy of families, and wondering what I've missed. I thought of adopting a Bosnian child during that war, as my family background is Slovak.

Then I had to stand in the middle of about 4 screaming elementary-age soccer teams, as I tried to get in the YMCA to swim. And I realized that I simply could NOT do it.

I don't know that it's a question about "worth" or "not worth" it. I think your heart will show you what's right for you.l

[h0kie]

The worth of having kids has to be decided by you. You have to decide if you are willing to give up certain things in order to get others. If you don't think you are, then don't do it. The option to have children...like politics are individual choices.

Personally, I went through a period where I absolutely did not want any kids. (High school) Now, I want one very badly, but will not even consider it until we are more financially stable.

Some days I come home from school and I am so glad I don't have kids...but there are a lot more days where I look at a family with a baby and I am incredibly jealous.

I think it's gotta be you and the potential father's decision ultimately.

[Himali]

I'm not going to have children....I feel like wants2fly , that I would not be a good mum. My Mum always seemed like she resented us...sometimes feel like i ruined her life, shes a smart talented woman who never got to do much with her gifts.

selfishly, I want to keep on with my career...more guilt! I get hassled by my parents, we want more grand children, what about your husband? people have made hurtful comments to me about wanting to be childless...that its selfish. I think it would be a bad thing to bring a child into the world that in your heart of hearts you didn't really want....as much as you would grow to love him or her. Children feel this.

Himali

[PlanningtoLive]

There is nothing in the world like having a child. Yes, they drain you of your time, money, and maybe even your goals. But you adjust, you rearrange things, and all because of the love that encompasses your very soul.

My son is worth more to me than anything. Anytime I make any big decisions, I do so with him in mind. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my son (as long as it didn't harm him or others). I work jobs I hate, spend money sometimes I shouldn't, for him and his welfare.

I used to work at Chuck E. Cheese and ppl would ask me all the time how I could stand the noise. It never even bothered me. I was in charge of the birthday parties and there was nothing better than watching the young kids close their eyes and make a wish before blowing out the candles.

I will never regret having a child.

[cms39]

Himali, I'm SO sorry people have judged you for your decision to be childless. It is truly up to you and your husband. I think the decision to be childless is often very selfLESS. I, personally, do not think I have the stamina or health to be a parent and have decided not to. I am fortunate that nobody judges me. For a while, they asked, but now it's just how it is.

[Wants2Fly]

My mom has been pretty cool about my not having children. Like Himali's mum, my other is very talented and creative, but the ethic of the time did not allow much room for a career.

In fact, she was less cool about my going to college. Thought I should get a job and contribute to the family income. It was a different world though. The women's movement of the 1970s. Now she is proud of my education.

It's good that you are sticking to your guns, Kimali, in the face of criticism. Having a child is too important a decision to be pressured into doing. It can be hard to speak back to parents. I am 56, and I am still polite and as respectful as I can be to my mother. But inwardly, if I were in your shoes, I would be seething and want to say -- You want grandchildren? If you want kids so much, become foster parents and stop bothering me. But of course, one really can't be that disrespectful to parents.

[Genesis]

While I can not fathom a parent saying their child wasn't worth their work, I agree it is HARD work! I have two small children, study online (fulltime), and run a business at home. I understand how hard raising children can be, even with help.

When I was younger, I thought I'd never have children. I actually hated being around other people's kids. I thought they were brats, to be perfectly honest. But I guess that's the difference; MY kids are my own. lol

Anyway, now that I have children, I could never imagine my life without them. Yes, they ruined my shape and gave me stretch marks, wake me up at 2 am, pester me while I'm trying to study or do housework or do filing, etc., but they are my babies and I love no one more than I love them. They are my existance and who keep me going each day.

My life forever changed when I had my boys. I can no longer leave the house whenever I want, to go out with my friends or just down to the store, without either getting a sitter or taking the kids with me. They come before me in all aspects of life. And there are times when I think about being single and childless. But in all honesty, I am glad they helped me grow up. I've learned how to be truely selfless and how to love unconditionally. I've learned how to be an adult and their mother. As far as I'm concerned, there is no better or deeper love anyone could have, than for their children.

[eskielover]

While growing up, the only thing I wanted was a career. I grew up in a family where education wasn't important & my fathers work was just a job, with my mom being the traditional housewife. It just wasn't the kind of life I wanted for myself. I was an only child, & enjoyed being around adults, never being able to relate to children or wanting to be around...babysitting, yeck!!! I am 51, so it was just at the age where education became important, but most of the girls I went to school with still became stay at home wives & mothers.

I worked my way through college & decided that school was definitely where I did not want to get my MRS degree & never wanted to have children under any circumstances. However best laid plans often go south. I found a Computer Science major that I really enjoyed being with. Upon his graduation, we decided that marriage was what we wanted but I made it clear that I was GOING TO FINISH my Computer degree & have my own career. Several years later & one careless moment after a long hard semester of studing & tests, along came A BABY...in my mind that rated an AH SH@#!!!!!!! I actually planned to stop the pregnancy, but when it came time, I just couldn't do it. I continued to make it clear that I was not going to change my life style or goals no matter what anyone thought. This was not what I wanted but I was part of the screw up so agreed to go along with it to my defined limits without giving up anything.

Luckily she came just before spring break so all I had to do was take a few days off school. When I came back after school, one of my class mates asked if I had lost weight???? I said only about 8lb 2 oz of girl.

I only had 10 months of school until graduation. My husband decided to get irritated because I wouldn't take 6 months off to bond with our daughter...I said that wasn't the agreement & went on with my life. Luckily my parents lived near, & had many friends that enjoyed caring for little babys while I finished school. I went through on campus interviews & had several job offers to choose from at graduation. I swore that my child was going to fit into MY life style, I wasn't going to fit into hers.

This ended up actually great because we drug her along to everything we did. Backpacking starting at 4 months, skiing at 2 1/2 yrs, traveling around the country. She did learn to mostly adapt to our life, but seemed to throw in the tantrum at the worst time.

I must admit as a mother, I never had a very close feeling to her, but got along fairly well considering I didn't like children. We did have some problems during quite a few years, but sensed that they would have occured no matter what home life would have been like.

Now, I have the most wonderful 26 yr old daughter I ever could want...sure she lives 4 states away, but am constantly in contact with her. She is closer to my husband due to the time he spent with her, but I am very glad he has her.

I'm not saying that having your own life & a child is easy, but if you want it, it can be worked out. I'm sure if the one oops didn't happen, I never would have had children, but I don't regret ever having her & actually have found that there is so much love between us where initially there was resentment.

It is not the best way to go. It is really better if you decide what you want & stick with it, but if something does happen, it is not the end of your world.

[shakes]

I think that it really depends on the person. I personally have never really had this desire to have children. I think that part of me is selfish. I do not want to lose my body, my freedom, and so forth. Perhaps some of it is just because I am so young and I will "grow" out of it (or at least that is what people tell me).
I think you just know if you want kids. I have always been told that it is just this feeling you get like being in love. You cannot force it I do not think.
Again I do not have kids so what do I know

Jessica

[Crazy_Charlie]

I can only answer from my own experience, your life is probably different from mine, so keep that in mind when you read
Yes, life changes dramatically when you get children, but for me it was definately worth it. I had to let go of some of my precious hobbies and spare time, but I got a lot of other things back for it. A happy smiling child that loves me, greet me with small kisses and waves goodbye to me. And I know that when the kid(s) is grown up, you get back that time, and then you can relax again. Theres a time for everything, and you have to find out if it is the time for you to have children yourself.

Hugs, Charlie

[Crazy_Charlie]

You know what I think when I read this? How good it is that women now CAN choose whether go for kids or carriere, and no one should be allowed to criticize anyone for the choice they make. My mother was also smart, and wanted to be a p doc. She got to take a bit more school than most other peasants daughters at that time, but never near anything like p doc of course. Instead, she married a man she did not love because she could not have the one she wanted, and got three kids. Then she did something that horrified everyone that knew her, divordced her husband! After a while on her own with three children she didn't see any other way out that marrying again, and then she got me. From I learned language I knew all the negative things that children came with. Luckily I do not conform very easily, so I decided to have 8 children. When I got a tiny bit more experienced with children, I decided that three is more than enough though Seeing that many other here has experienced having mothers that felt they were born for something else than having children, makes me think it is very important that we all choose for ourselves what we feel like. I am happy that I have my child, but I can also see that there is a limit to how many that I would like to have. And even though I value every second with my girl, and try to have so much time with her that I can, I do not fear the moment she is old enough to move out, because I know I wont be bored (I am on purpose not considering anything like disease or death, what shall come, will come). I have plenty of hobbies that I have put on the shelves for the moment, but they wont run away from me. If I feel the interest of starting on it again when I have a chance, I can do that.

I think what's most important is that you feel ready for it, and that you want it. I don't think life is bad without children, but it's definately not bad with them either

Charlie