[annbb]

25 yr old stepdaughter as a teenager threatened to kill her sister when she fell asleep, killed a kitten with her bare hands, and tried to slit her wrists, always been aggressive. Is verbally abusive, still throws tantrums. Leaves nasty messages and sends nasty letters when family or friends don't do what she expects them to or react the way she wants. She has a 3 year old and I'm tempted to hot line her. She lives with her mother and there is always pot in the house. Is she bipolar, just unstable or is it the drugs and booze that she's used since 15 yrs old that's just taking it's tole?

She went on a rampage (unjustified) a few months ago against her father by writing him a letter that was borderline sicko. Lots of blame on him for no reason except that he told her he was hurt because she drove into our area and didn't stop to see him with his grandson.

She screamed into the phone so loud I could hear her across the room. Then she sent the letter. Now she resorted to nasty phone calls that we did not initiate. We refused to go to a function knowing she would be there. We didn't want to ruin it for everyone else, not knowing how she would act toward him. She left us a message ending in "%#@&#!". Then when I called and told her not to ever call us again and never include me in her issues with her father she called again anyway to scream into the phone, "fat %#@&#! %#@&#!". Keep in mind her mother threw my husband out during one of her menopausal fits. We had not been going out and he was not cheating. I weigh 130 lbs and have only slept with my first and current husband, She however has been a bit of a tramp and has a child out of wedlock.

Any ideas? Just ignore her? Hotline her?

[(JD)]

I'm sorry this whole family system must be very confusing for her too. I really think the best way is to have her father take care of this, including threatening to call authorities or getting her to help personally. It will look vindictive if you do so, even though your heart would be in the right place.

You say she has always been aggressive, so I doubt any one call will solve her problems.
However, it doesn't sound like a good environment, from what you describe, for the 3 year old. I hope you can convince him to act.

[annbb]

Thank you Sky. Our problem is that my husband is ill with prostate cancer and copd (23% lung function). So this needs to be handled in a way that won't get him too upset. I just don't see that happening. Her older brother who is currently living away has heard all of this and the fact that this past weekend we were not the only ones she took her rath out on. He is so embarrassed by it all. But he can't come home to help right now. The other two siblings are still pretty much caught in the middle. It's a mess all the way around. And I'm afraid she might hurt herself or tick the wrong person out who has no barriers and she gets beat up. It's really that bad.

[AAAAA]

(((((annbb))))) I'm so sorry,you have so much on your plate. Hubby needs peace, change the phone number. I would definately call and express your concerns to CPS, if she's innocent then it's better safe than sorry.

You are not responsible for her happiness or sanity. She's old enough to take responsibility for her own actions. Having a baby raised in that environment makes me physcially ill.

[kim_johnson]

I think it is up to him really since the act was towards him rather than you. I wouldn't want to step in the middle of a father - daughter relationship, here. I guess I'd just be as supportive towards him as you can be, and support whatever he decides. Their relationship is... Between them, really.

With respect to reporting her... That will most likely be seen as malevolent / malicious from her end. I hear that you are worried about her kid - but I also hear that you are particularly worried about her kid after her most recent act towards your husband. I wouldn't want to do anything to escalate the situation and reporting her would most certainly do that...

[Wants2Fly]

This is a tough situation. I am not going to add any suggestions; there are already lots of good ones here.

[seeker1950]

I am concerned for the three year old. He is probably already damaged from the behaviours of his mother. The problem with reporting to child protective services is that people are reluctant to do so. If she is indeed involved with drugs, and acting out in the ways you have described, who knows what the little child has endured or witnessed.
It doesn't sound like your husband is able, or willing, to take action. I agree that stepping into this hornet's nest is not a good position for you to be in, however, if it were me, out of concern for the child, I would report her to CPS.
I'm a teacher and a grandparent of small twin boys. If I thought anything like you've described was happening to those boys, I'd act as soon as possible.
Patty

[annbb]

I so appreciate the input you have all given.

I work for the county as an examiner. Puts me a a bad situation all the way around.

I did mention to her oldest brother that maybe it's time for her mother to step up to the plate. My 1st husband (my boys father)and I split because he was cheating. But if either of my boys ever acted toward their father or did what my stepdaugter did to her father I would put them in the car like they were children and bring them to appologize to their father no matter how old they were. But her mother doesn't seem to want to intervene.

I really believe a lot of her behavior is learned, or at least been allowed from teenage years and not disciplined. Her mom lets her live with her pretty much for nothing. The stepdaughter doesn't work, claims to be afraid to leave her son with a sitter in case he gets molested. (paranoid) Won't apply for Food Stamps even though I'm sure it's hard for her mother to feed all of them. My stepdaughter spends most all of what the boys father gives her on dope for her and her mother.

Her sister tried to talk to her yesterday about getting help and she changed the subject.

Intervention? I'm wonder if maybe it's time for her siblings to step in if mommy won't.

She is planning on getting married next year and her father has made it clear he will not walk her down the isle. He's had enough.