[allabout]

It's hard enough to make a decision when important things like your marriage and future are riding on it. You question every thought and every motive. So what do you do when you have friends who offer support in a way that seems like they're pushing you in one direction or the other? What if you don't want to go in the direction they're pushing but you also know that their opinion is not completely off target? How do you tune it out and listen only to your own voice?

[wounds100]

only you know your own voice ,sometimes its hard to remember what we really sound like within the crowded mind, i suggest u sit quite with a pad and pen alone if poss with someone you trust completely if not and ask yourself the burning question, do not stop to question, just jot down your first throught, look at what you have written and spend alittle time thinking over your decision with time and you on your side you are sure to find what you are looking for i have great faith in you

love and light always

[pachyderm]

> How do you tune it out and listen only to your own voice?

You can't.

At least, I never have been fully successful at doing that.

[sunrise]

allabout, I have a sister who means well and has been a source of advice during my divorce. But sometimes she can get over the top and seem harsh and vindictive to me regarding my spouse. She seems angrier at him than I am and sometimes suggests I do really adversarial things to "get him" and "make him pay", etc. When she gets in these negative and angry moods, I take a step back from her. This is not what I need. I withdraw a bit and do not contact her for a while or when we talk, I change the subject from the divorce. After a while, I can come back to her and we can try again. I do believe we have to be proactive in getting the support we need, and rejecting the contrary efforts of those who have their own agenda, rather than our own in their minds when they offer advice.

There is also nothing wrong with saying to your friend, "I know you mean well, but I feel you are pushing me to do something I don't know if I want to do. That is not what I need right now. This is my relationship and I need to make my own decisions. Thanks for understanding."

[allabout]

Thank you, Sunrise. Your experience is very similar to mine. I am not going through a divorce, but some people in my life are starting to think I should be. It's hard because I do want to hear what they have to say. Sometimes they have information that I don't have, and they're 'filling me in.' But when it's not what I want to hear, I just get more upset and confused. I've tried saying what you suggested: "I know you mean well...but..." but I'm not good at being direct about it. Probably because a part of me does want to hear the information they have to provide. I guess I send them mixed signals, then. Like, "Tell me everything you know, but make sure it's all good news!"

So I end up stopping myself from going to friends for support because I'm afraid they're going to tell me what I'm not ready to hear yet.