OCD, noise, reality

i hope its ok to introduce myself here instead of the general introductions thread, because I am looking to connect with other people with OCD and related issues.

apparently i have OCD though i am finding it hard to accept, especially now that I've been taking prozac for a few months and am feeling a lot better.

over the past couple of years i felt like my life was just becoming a vice around me, where i tried so hard to optimize and be efficient in my time and activities that i could hardly do anything at all. nothing was enjoyable.

i have a lot of problems with regard to noise and personal space. i was basically coping with various everyday intrusions into my space until we moved to an apartment where there were people outside our windows at all times (ground floor apartment in a very social neighborhood) and i completely flipped out. my husband didn't understand that what he thought was just a somewhat noisy apartment i was experiencing as a 24 hour a day assault. i was up every night till 4 or 5 am just to get some peace, and drinking a lot.

anyway, we moved again (after only 4 months), i saw a psychiatrist, and life has considerably improved for me.

the issue is that i feel now that i must have made it all up, that i was faking to get attention. i don't know why i think this. i think other people must think it of me (my husband specifically, though he says he doesn't).

well, so, hello

edited for typo

Hi E-sort, welcome. I have recovered from anxiety and I have learned a lot from it. Hope to interact with you here.....

Yeah, everytime i recover from an anger attack, panic attack, depression or whatever, I feel that it's not as bad as I made it out to be, and that I was "stretching" the feelings... Although, different from you, I'm not taking medications yet.

Today, a therapist classified me as "homicidal", which does indeed feel right, and "suicidal", which I find hard to believe. I mean, i DO think of stuff normal people don't think (including suicide attempts to gain medical attention when my attacks get bad), but I don't think I'll ever really go suicidal. I love my 139IQ brain too much to give it and my goals up in less than a day!

So, what I'm trying to say is: everytime we get better, we feel that the whole experience wasn't as bad as we made it out to be, and we were just like that in order to gain something (attention in your case). Don't worry, it just means you've recovered a long way! But remember: It doesn't mean you're cured, so don't get too optimistic.
(Sorry for the pessimistic thought)

no, i'm not cured. definitely not. stuff happens all the time that reminds me what a nutball i am. today i went to costco, which i've never done before, and it was just packed and extremely uncomfortable. but then i spontaneously got a much-needed haircut at a totally random place without stressing about whether it was going to be a good haircut or not, and it's fine. so i'm getting a little better at living my life.

it must be a very unusual feeling to have a therapist say you are homicidal. if they really think that, don't they need to tell the police or something? or does it have to be a specific threat.

e

My therapist told me that they won't tell anyone unless it gets serious. And yeah, to an extenct, I was surprised that she pointed out I was homicidal... But, with the thoughts that go through my head and the feelings I experience from time to time, I feel like a psycopath and even homicidal... But luckily, I find ways to distract myself. But that doesn't solve the problem...

Glad to see you're progressing! Anious everyday isn't anything to laugh at, I know from experience. Hope you keep getting better, even if it sounds like a clichéd message.

E-sort,
Welcome to the world of OCD. I'm glad that you're faring better now. Your doubt about whether you were "faking it to get attention" is quite possibly a part of your OCD. Along with compulsions and such, OCD is known as "the doubting disease". I doubt my own feelings and emotions often! It is so maddening! I'll think, wow, did I do/say that on purpose? If I'm not sure, was it unconscious? You're not alone

That is really interesting, I hadn't heard that. my former therapist (don't have a current one) told me that i didn't have enough faith in my judgments, but she didn't connect it to OCD. well, not to me anyway.

it's nice to have company, although probably you could do better.