[seeker1950]

For several years now, I've posted about receiving emails from the old high school boyfriend. The one who went off to Harvard, and lives in Mass now, with wife.
I realize as I"ve had to wean myself from hearing from him, how dependent I had become on this for some kind of emotional fulfillment, as he nursed me thru some very bad relationships with the men with whom I'd been involved since my divorce. We even had a couple of in-person visits in which there were a lot of romantic sparks while he was down here in WV on business. But during his last trip down here, I chose not to see him, and it alienated him, after which I didn't hear from him for some time. Our correspondence since then has been erratic, and less and less (from him). During this time, I have been almost ill from the lack of communication, though I also realize because of this, that my dependence on it was unhealthy.
Responses here about all of this over the last couple of years have told me that I have been wrong to depend on this...primarily because he is married. I almost feel cynical now about him, since choosing not to see him has transpired into less and less communication from him. Our letters in the past had been rather romantic in an abstract sort of way, especially after our in-person visits.
I did receive an email from him yesterday, after several months of not hearing from him, in which he spent a long paragraph talking about how happy he is with his wife, and the other stuff was just newsy, about his garden and his two sons. Soooo...yes, after about a year of this waiting to hear from him, realizing how dependent I had become on this for my emotional fulfillment in my sorely lacking life, I've had it!
I did respond to his email, though I had told myself I'd just "delete" it, if I ever rec'd another one. But my response was actually just like his...newsy and nondescript. Should I abstain from responding at all in the future? I don't know. I still think of him as a friend.
Patty

[Lenny]

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seeker1950 said:
I still think of him as a friend.

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You are the best judge of this Patty...

It seems that this relationship has evolved through many incarnations and still has survived. There is something to be said of that...having friends from our deep past is priceless in offering perspective among other things...

Friends are "many a splendid thing" and many of us don't have enough good ones...

If you are both comfortable with this checking in...then I think it is good for both of you..

But you know your heart far better than I,,and be kind to it at all costs..

With Care,

Lenny

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Lenny, for your input on this. I think of you here on PC as very wise in your responses.
I do think I should elaborate here on the in-person visits with him, after almost 30 years, and how "sparkful" they were, with actual romantic kisses, etc. It left me feeling sad, knowing he was returning to his wife and life in Mass. That was hard on me, and that is why I chose not to see him when he was here a year ago. I just wasn't willing to put myself thru that again. After that, his emails became less and less.
I do realize I've been too dependent on communication from him for fulfilling my otherwise emotionally bereft life.
Patty

[Lenny]

We often don't realize and/or give ourselves the credit we deserve for the empowerment we can have.

You control the door Patty,,you can open or close it as you wish,,You have shown that..

Be frank with him and explain that you value his freindship and updates but due to his circumstances you will not be visiting those intimate moments...

If he stops communicating then his value standards don't mesh with yours..

Lenny

[Fuzzybear]

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Lenny and Fuzzy.
Today, at work, I found myself wishing I hadn't posted about this. It seemed trivial and embarrassing to me to have written here about it. Just goes to show how comfortable I am to reveal such things here on PC, which I don't do in my daily life with other acquaintances!
It is what it is and what it has been for me all these years...an escape of sorts....But now it has peetered out, and I'm fine with that. No one has been hurt, and he is still a friend.
Patty

[Lenny]

Bingo...

Lenny