[nadique22]

I need some advice, I recently got married to a man 3 months ago in my country. I met him online and knew him for about 6 months before we got married. He was a family guy and had a great sense of humor and was attracted to him. In August,we got married in my country and when we came back to the states he suggested he lived with my family and I so that we can save up for a house. I allowed it thinking that he would help me out finacially, but he has not helped me out at all. We are going on month 4. I help my parents out with the bills and other things around the house, and he never contributes. He has a good paying job and when i ask him where his money goes he claims that they only pay him once a month and he has not received his pay yet and has been living off of his tips. Before i get any further, i should tell you about when i first got engaged to him. The entire engagement party was supposed to be 50/50 and I ended up paying everything because he claimed he didn't have the money. Also, when we went on our honey moon, i ended up paying a lot of it. Basically, he lives for free at my house ,,gets a home cooked meal, his clothes are washed and ironed and I also make him his lunch and dinner everyday. On top of that, he would like me to have a child, how can i trust this guy when he has never proved himself and also how can i bring a child into the realtionship when we are living with my PARENTS and how will he be able to take care of me,,,He has nothing saved for the future. I also asked him numerous times if he can help and he gives me 40 bucks,,,yup thats it!!!! Ever since i married him, I have been in a financial nightmare, my life only got worse. I just dont trust him. Another thing he does is have all these broken promises ,,,like tells me he will give me this and do this and go here when we never do it. He works 6 days a week sometimes 18 hours a day and has nothing to show for it. He'll come home to MY nice warm bed, find a home cooked meal and live like a KING.... My mother tells me that i must be patient and that he will start helping and to stop nagging but I cant be patient anymore. I saved myself my entire life for one special man and worked so hard for my education and my career and feel like im being used. I am depressed everyday!!! I think that he is getting spoiled at my house and asked him if we can rent and got very angry. When I tell him how i feel, how i am worried about my future with him, he tells me that all im concerned about is money and that he never met any girl who had so much anxiety as me,,,which really HURT me because he lives with family for FREE. I always thought that marriage was team work, he never tells me whats in his bank account after i asked him numerous times to get a joint account. Also, his mail doesnt come to my house, it goes to the apartment that he used to live in which is in another state,,that he is allowing his friend to rent with his name under it. How can I have trust and faith in this guy, i feel like i dont want to be with him and resent him a lot. Please help, i'm confused. Is it me or is it him.

[agony007]

welcome to pc! hope you find the support you need here. what you are experiencing sounds horrible. in my opinion it's not you, it's him. you shouldn't be financially responsible for everything. he is free-loading and it doesn't appear like he has any intentions of changing. while you were dating, did he ever ask you for money? like loaning him a few bucks because he was broke or anything like that? i would definitely hold off on having any children with this guy. if you are already stressed out in what's suppose to be the honeymoon stage can you imagine the future. i don't mean to sound pessimistic, but reading your post really made me upset because there are so many red flags jumping off the screen saying that there is something not right about this guy. i don't think that he would continue working where he is if he wasn't getting paid. and it leaves me to wonder what he is doing with the money. and why doesn't he receive his mail at your home? what does he have to hide? no disrespect towards your mother but i completely disagree with her. what more patient can you be? this is ridiculous! you have all right to be nagging and upset. i would react the same way you are. i would be heading straight to the court house for an annulment or divorce. i am sorry if i have come off to intense but they is defintely something wrong in this picture. i wish you much success in any decision you make.

[I_WMD]

Don't get a joint bank account !!!

And ask to see his paycheck so you can figure out a budget for the upcoming holidays .. Good Luck .

WMD.

[Rhapsody]

Not really sure what to say... I just know I would not put up with it.

[Capp]

Hi...
I'm glad you were able to share with us, and do it with such honesty. I hope you'll find the direction you need in order to make your life better.

Frankly, I agree with Red Flags going up the more I read your post! What you are describing is not marriage, it is someone treating you like you are their property.
You have every right to get answers to your questions, be involved in any decisions, and be able to trust him.
Jmo...and truly, this is just my opinion, but I would make him leave until you are able to figure out what to do...I understand that it is your parents house, however that does not mean you should be dis-respected and your feelings not honored.

Sometimes stepping back from a situation helps us see more clearly what is going on--and it reveals what we need to do to change it.

My best wishes for you to find security...do everything you can to protect yourself financially and emotionally.
You are a worthwhile human being and deserve to be shown courtesy and respect--don't settle for anything less, please.

Cap

[multipixie9]

I can't help but AGREE with all other posts here. SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE!!!! This man is not acting like a husband at all. He acts like someone who is dishonest and who uses people not loves them. RED FLAGS indeed!!!!

Please get some help to protect yourself from this kind of ill-treatment. This is not marriage. He is living like a "kept" man. I would suspect there is some secret here that his money is being spent on or his money is being saved up for him or for another family or something.

You must trust your instincts, they are screaming at you that something is very wrong here. Do not let this man victimize you. Act carefully though and protect yourself physically. He has not done one thing to put something into the marriage, he has only TAKEN from you.

I am so sorry this has happened, but you are not wrong to be very suspicious and unhappy with this arrangement.