Boyfriend got a new job

Hi all! So i am back to my paranoid thinking, worrying. My boyfriend had interviewed for a job, he just found out he got it, in fact he starts on Monday. He is finally going to have a normal work schedule, instead of 4 12 hour shifts, 2 of those being night shifts. I should be happy becaue that means that we can make real plans with friends and family and not worry about him working over night or on weekends. I am in fact happy, I know how much his schedule was driving him insane. So im happy but then of course my paranoid thoughts come out. I start thinking about who he will be working with. Its in an office environment, and im sure there will be cute girls, in fact there is a whole group starting together so i worry there will be cute girls that he will become close with, etc. I am not going to bring this up to him, because i have brought up everything else i get paranoid about and im trying to stop. I just dont know what to do because i know me and ill start asking stupid questions about the people he works with, etc. I feel bad because i know he is very relived and i am too for that matter. I just worry about change when i dont know what is going on. I do know he is going on.

Thank you for any advice!!!!!

You forget that he's already close to you.

I think he should know that you are worried, but that you're trying to trust him. That way, he can reassure you, and understand what's up if you start asking questions.

((((((((((( katie ))))))) I am sorry that I don't have any advice I just wanted to let you know that change causes me to have the same kind of paranoid thoughts as you do.

Hey Katie,

I agree with the advice above, about maybe talking to your boyfriend about it. If they have Friday night office drinks, like many places do, or other work things, go along if you can and meet his coworkers, that might reassure you? Just take care of yourself, and be honest with him about what you feel, but be careful that you don't accuse him of anything that you don't have proof of - but tell him how you feel.

It also might help if you start something new of your own like joining a group, or hanging out with friends more, so you both have new stories to share with each other.

Hope it all works out ok

(((katielee)))

I'm glad that it all worked out for your bf.

So, now, how did it work out for YOU?
You were worried in your last thread about him not finding a job, and how you could help him. Now that that one worry is behind you, did you give yourself a chance to feel relieved? Have some fun?

You are so darn hard on yourself. I've edited your post to show the judgements....

It is ok for you to be sad, when your bf is happy. Just like it is ok for him to be upset while you are feeling good.

You seem to be trying so hard to do the 'right' thing, that if there is one little slip -- you come down hard on yourself. You label yourself as paranoid, you know you'll ask stupid questions...

I just want to hug you and say...stop trying so hard! Be kind to yourself.
Change can be hard to deal with, and that is ok. That is human.

Trust yourself, and your own ability to cope. And, most importantly, be kind and forgiving of yourself. You are obviously a warm and caring person, and you deserve to be treated with compassion...not put down.

Forgive the ramble, and please forgive me if I am being too blunt. I see so much of my younger self in your words, that I want to reach out.

Many hugs!

I don't mean to criticize (I'm doing it in the spirit of helping out the original poster, at least), but I would not recommend this.

I've been married for 9 years. In that entire time, my wife and I have kept our home lives and our work lives separate as much as possible (I'm back in school, but the same rules still apply). I mean, we talk about our work/student lives, and occasionally meet the other people's co-workers/studnets, but we never socialize with them on a regular basis. This keeps your work relationships at work and your personal relationships at home.

Of course it would be a different situation if one of us happened to be working with a good friend of ours, but that's not the case. Since your boyfriend is starting at a new job, I'm guessing both you and he have other friends outside of work, so that shouldn't be an issue.

Thank you all for the responses, you have no idea how much i appreciate them all. They definately help. But...today I am feeling worse about everything. I think alot of it has to do with my job, im really not happy in it right now, which makes me stressed, about to cry, etc. All my emotions are elevated at this time and i dont feel like working. But i also dont want to get fired. My boyfriend started his new job today and he texted me that he hopes i have a good day and that things are going good there so far. I am glad he has it. I wish i was not worried also, you spend ALOT of time with workpeople and i have known many peopel who had affairs with those they work with, so i cant help wondering WHO he works with. Its a HUGE place, its the IRS after all. He looked so handsome today and smelled incrediable. i hated it, but i know he wants to make a good impression and moveh his way up as fast as possible and is going to be very professional.

I just dont know what to do. I want to ask about the people he works with, age, etc cute girls,etc but i dont want to ask in a way he knows what I am asking. Does that make sense???????

I had a bad cubicle job that I was stuck with for a couple of years. Worst couple of years of my life, or at least my adult life. I sympathize. Also, a bad job is about the worst thing in the world when you're anxious about something, especially if you're just sitting there turning things over in your mind. Been there, and it's not fun.

Speaking from a male perspective, I can perhaps offer some "insider" advice. If you ask about people from work, and especially if you use phrases such as "cute girls", he will see right through your routine. But then again, that's not necessarily a bad thing. It might reassure him that you care about your relationship...remember that insecurity can cut both ways. Of couse I wouldn't go overboard or anything...I'm not sure if you ask these kinds of questions often, but too much interrogation would definitely cause problems.

And there's something you need to keep in mind about cheating: if someone is going to cheat on their sig. other, they are going to do it no matter what the situation. It's not a matter of being dropped into the wrong circumstances. If that's who they are, they'll find somebody to cheat with. So I think you shouldn't dwell too much on this job change. If he hasn't cheated on you yet, then that's a good sign...and if he ever does, it's not something you can control. Remember, it's next to impossible to resolve anxiety issues over things we can't control, unless we accept the fact that we can't control them.

Relax. One thing at a time.