[Wants2Fly]

I had one of those dreadful relationship situations yesterday where someone winds up screaming at me and trying to make me wrong. I think I must be on the road to recovery and wholeness because, although I take my shortcomings seriously and have been reflecting and writing about how I can do better in the future, I do not feel as if my entire identity has been shattered because one person says I'm bad, wrong, etc.

I was supposed to take possession of a condo apartment at noon yesterday. That was the terms of the contract. But when I called the attorney to say I was coming to get the keys -- as I'd been told to do -- I was told that the keys would be delivered to the apartment where I was staying.

The keys did not arrive. I, the attorney's closer, and my agent, started calling the seller's agent -- who did not answer the phone. Finally, when I got a hold of her, she started yelling at me about how the seller -- who had 7 weeks to move while I've been moving around, staying here and there with relatives and friends, went on a cruise -- hadn't moved out yet and what did I expect her to do?

Not -- We can't meet the terms of the contract -- can you give us a few hours?

No -- you are wrong, you terrible person, and we are right. (Even though we are legally wrong).

So I said, tersely, "Stop yelling at me," and she hung up on me.

Telephone tag went on for 3 and a half hours -- during which time she didn't answer the phone for me or the attorney or my agent.

Finally, I left a couple of messages saying, rather sadly, "Gee, I hope I don't have to have a locksmith come and charge it to seller's security deposit (for staying in the apartment an extra week after the sale)."

And the keys were delivered. And seller wanted me to feel oh so bad bec. she left the place filthy for me to clean up.

Seller's agent called me, and started posing question about "Well why didn't you just walk to apartment (which is next door to where I was staying) and ask what was going on?"

I said, "Well let me ask you a question." Which would have been: Wouldn't you say that delivering the keys is seller's responsibility to meet the terms of the contract -- not buyer's to have to chase after them?"

And agent said, "Don't you talk to me in that tone of voice. I'll hang up on you again."

"Go right ahead." After all, she called me to initiate this attempt to make me wrong.

"Everybody tells me that you're rude. I'm getting reports from all over. You're not going to have any friends here."

This is so patently ridiculous that it was laughable. I've hardly been here during the past 7 weeks, and the only person I've talked with is the seller, who keeps trying to make me feel sorry for her, and I keep refusing to be sucked into her drama.

So I told her that buyer was three and a half hours in violation of contract, and she started calming down and admitting seller was wrong and she'd "talk to her about it." But I'm pretty sure agent refused to answer the phone because she was stonewalling.

My stomach clenched because I was told -- once again -- that I'm not good enough to have friends and -- implication in my mind -- be among regular people. And I think that I did not live up to the ideals of compassion and mercy that I hold for myself.

Sure, I could have walked next door. And my anger in person would have been worse than over the phone.

But, as my Ts or my spiritual mentor would likely say -- there is plenty of bad behavior here to go around. And I bet seller and agent never even reflect on how they might have behaved with more politeness or integrity.

I wish I could set boundaries without getting angry or being cold (which other people see as being "rude") to others, but I am not internalizing the attacks on me as me being "all wrong" or completely inadequate and all the other guilt I lay on myself. And that is progress for me.

[h0kie]

W2F...sounds like you did everything right to me. The agent was obviously in the wrong and trying to cover her own tush. Good for you for remaining calm AND standing up for yourself. You don't have to sit around and be yelled at.

Furthermore, it's not your job to go over and see what is going on next door. She should have been on the same page with her client.

Honestly, I think the "rude" comment was an attempt to intimidate you into doing what she wanted. In situations such as that, I will give you the thing I live by, "consider the source". The woman who is not doing her job, in breach of contract, and is yelling at YOU is calling YOU rude.

Puh-leaze.

You're great. We know it. If they choose to ignore it...their loss.

Good luck!

[Wants2Fly]

Thanks 1 Day -- because after I wrote that I started worrying -- maybe I am wrong -- and rude -- etc. etc.

[nothemama8]

You were not rude, or wrong.
Legally you could have had the locks changed and charged for storeage
You did terrific
Angie

[silver_queen]

Wants2Fly, in the situation you were in, you behaved accordingly. it sounds like agent and seller were trying to intimidate you, and you were able to withstand that and hold your own. Good on you!

[nightdream]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wants2Fly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


nightdream

[Wants2Fly]

Thanks all for the support. I really appreciate it. I don't know how to insert the little anime, but Forum Members rock!

[Malady156]

Wants2Fly -- YOU are right, THEY were wrong, THEY were being rude and STUPID in the extreme and you were awesome for not taking their crap! You GO, girl!!

[(JD)]

W2F to add a smilie in your post... look to the left and see under OPTIONS? it says use smilies... click on that... then choose one you want in your post by clicking on it... you will see a link to the pic in your post... and after you submit it, you will see the actual smilie like we do! Make sure your cursor is at the end of your post, or your smilie will be inserted in the middle of a sentence!

[Wants2Fly]

lWow! Thanks.

[flowers601]

Wants2Fly...

You did NOTHING wrong in my book! I would have been a bigger "b*&$H" than that. Wooo HOOOO!!!

I say WTG!!! I would have pushed harder!!! ( man, now I sound bad ) but I think you did a great job!!!

I think they were trying to cover up for their mistakes!

Kathy