[Bellatrix00]

I met my recent bf 5 months ago,we talked all day everyday. Mostly through text and mostly him keeping up the convo's and initiating the contact. we saw eachother 2-3 times a week. I was crazy about him, I loved being around him, he's the first guy I've actually enjoyed sex with (I've slept with 11 guys) I even just love his natural scent-everything about him i loved. I thought I FINALLY found "the one".

After a month, I started getting clingy, jealous and angry at him for little things. It turned around to ME being the one texting him all the time. I got really jealous that he still talked to his ex,I asked him to cut her out of his life..even though I had no suspicions or reasons to believe there was anything going on. He works long hours, so dosen't get much free time, but I would get mad all the time about him not spending enough time with me, not being romantic enough and so on. We had only been together at that point for a little over a month..I realized it's ridiculous for me to act that way to someone I've only been dating for that short of time.. but I couldn't help it.

After 2 months he broke it off.Said we fought too much,i get angry too easily, dosen't see it going anywhere. I feel like I totally ruined everything. He insisted on staying friends, at first I said no, he seemed upset by that.. but I found that I can't stay away from him, so i accepted a friendship.

I was devastated by the break up. Since we've broken up over 2 months ago we've hung out as friends about once a week and we STILL talk everyday.. mostly me texting him first. He says its too much and dosent want to talk everyday, but I just cant help it. I feel anxious when not in constant contact with him..I'm not satisfied unless we're texting back and forth from the moment we wake up until the moment we go to sleep. And i KNOW it's not realistic for couples or friends to be in constant contact, yet i get that anxious feeling and i get mad at him and accuse him of not caring or not wanting to talk to me. Yet, he insists he does.

I keep hoping that he'll take me back and want to try again. He says he dosen't have feelings for me,but I think he does.Even as friends I act all crazy jealous and clingy. I know he gets frusterated with me when I act like that, which is on a regular basis.. so I think if he's not cutting off contact with me, a part of him must think i'm worth the head ache. One night (about a month after the breakup) he sent me texts saying that he missed me, wanted to see me that night but that he didnt want to bail on his friends, said he felt like he should be with me. the next day i asked him about it..said he only said those things because he was drunk and still wanted to remain as just friends. Ive always thought a persons true feelings come out when theyre drunk. at one point (while sober) he admitted he does have feelings but not feelings of love. I think he could have love feelings if i'd stop acting this way but its so hard.. i loose control. I have mild depression which i had under control but its been creeping back up on me the last year or so. I've told him this and i've told him i'm not quite feeling myself. i asked him if when im better and back to my old self if he thinks he'd want to date again. he said "i cant know for sure, but you never know" he said its hard to say because he's only seen this side of me.

I think we could be really great together, but i need to fix the way i been acting and stop being so clingy and keep my temper under control, i just dont know HOW. I do things to keep myself busy, I stick to my regular routine, I work 8 hours a day and I go to the gym, I have friends that I spend time with. i've tried just to stop texting him all the time, have tried letting the small things go but i CANT. Any advice? (besides seeing a therapist, as i'm already aware that I need help lol) I guess i'm just looking for a second oppinion as to how to stop acting this way and if anyone else thinks i have a chance or if i should just give up?

PS- I apologize for the long read.. I just felt that it's easier for ppl to give advice if they have all the details

[StrawberryFieldsss]

Originally Posted by Bellatrix00

I met my recent bf 5 months ago,we talked all day everyday. Mostly through text and mostly him keeping up the convo's and initiating the contact. we saw eachother 2-3 times a week. I was crazy about him, I loved being around him, he's the first guy I've actually enjoyed sex with (I've slept with 11 guys) I even just love his natural scent-everything about him i loved. I thought I FINALLY found "the one".

After a month, I started getting clingy, jealous and angry at him for little things. It turned around to ME being the one texting him all the time. I got really jealous that he still talked to his ex,I asked him to cut her out of his life..even though I had no suspicions or reasons to believe there was anything going on. He works long hours, so dosen't get much free time, but I would get mad all the time about him not spending enough time with me, not being romantic enough and so on. We had only been together at that point for a little over a month..I realized it's ridiculous for me to act that way to someone I've only been dating for that short of time.. but I couldn't help it.

After 2 months he broke it off.Said we fought too much,i get angry too easily, dosen't see it going anywhere. I feel like I totally ruined everything. He insisted on staying friends, at first I said no, he seemed upset by that.. but I found that I can't stay away from him, so i accepted a friendship.

I was devastated by the break up. Since we've broken up over 2 months ago we've hung out as friends about once a week and we STILL talk everyday.. mostly me texting him first. He says its too much and dosent want to talk everyday, but I just cant help it. I feel anxious when not in constant contact with him..I'm not satisfied unless we're texting back and forth from the moment we wake up until the moment we go to sleep. And i KNOW it's not realistic for couples or friends to be in constant contact, yet i get that anxious feeling and i get mad at him and accuse him of not caring or not wanting to talk to me. Yet, he insists he does.

I keep hoping that he'll take me back and want to try again. He says he dosen't have feelings for me,but I think he does.Even as friends I act all crazy jealous and clingy. I know he gets frusterated with me when I act like that, which is on a regular basis.. so I think if he's not cutting off contact with me, a part of him must think i'm worth the head ache. One night (about a month after the breakup) he sent me texts saying that he missed me, wanted to see me that night but that he didnt want to bail on his friends, said he felt like he should be with me. the next day i asked him about it..said he only said those things because he was drunk and still wanted to remain as just friends. Ive always thought a persons true feelings come out when theyre drunk. at one point (while sober) he admitted he does have feelings but not feelings of love. I think he could have love feelings if i'd stop acting this way but its so hard.. i loose control. I have mild depression which i had under control but its been creeping back up on me the last year or so. I've told him this and i've told him i'm not quite feeling myself. i asked him if when im better and back to my old self if he thinks he'd want to date again. he said "i cant know for sure, but you never know" he said its hard to say because he's only seen this side of me.

I think we could be really great together, but i need to fix the way i been acting and stop being so clingy and keep my temper under control, i just dont know HOW. I do things to keep myself busy, I stick to my regular routine, I work 8 hours a day and I go to the gym, I have friends that I spend time with. i've tried just to stop texting him all the time, have tried letting the small things go but i CANT. Any advice? (besides seeing a therapist, as i'm already aware that I need help lol) I guess i'm just looking for a second oppinion as to how to stop acting this way and if anyone else thinks i have a chance or if i should just give up?

PS- I apologize for the long read.. I just felt that it's easier for ppl to give advice if they have all the details

My advice would be to not be friends with him. Make a clean break and that's it.

If you want to stop texting him and talking to him just take it moment by moment. You can do it. Turn your phone off and check voicemail a couple times a day. Distract yourself.

But definitely get into therapy before you move on to another relationship.

[Mystry]

you got it bad girlfriend...I guess I could say I agree with the other replier...but stand back and look at it...it just lays there in it's knot...you know it's wrong...but it makes your blood boil...either the jealous rage or the feeling of your toes curl when he brushes by you or even speaks to you...but...and there always is a but...it sounds like you got a little more out of this than he did...we can't choose who we love...it's either love or it's lust or it's something else...love doesn't make you feel sick...love doesn't send you into rages just because you can't see this person...love would never be as cruel as this guy is being to you...telling you that the only way he would want you is if he is drunk is the sure signs of a player my friend...he likes to watch you squirm...why else would he want to stay friends knowing you feel about him the way you do...but...and there is always a but...take heart...you...my dear friend...are above all this...just from the time you took to write your post tells me he could never handle your passion...your commitment...he is not the one for you if he can't see your dedication...I don't think your mistrust is a bad thing...I think it is your heart and your brain getting together to warn you or to at least make you aware...my advice...kick him to the curb girlfriend cause he ain't a man he's a boy pretending to be a man...but...and there is always a but...I suffer from the same affliction as you...I am way too trusting and I fall like somebody greased my belly and slid me down the bannister of love...you start at the bottom and it's a struggle to get up...but you start at the top and it's all downhill...please I hope you do realize that you must let go...let this battle go and get on with the war...there are other soldiers out there who would appreciate a woman like you...

[Bellatrix00]

Thanks for the advice!! Both of you make complete sense.. I know I need to make a clean break.. I just CANT. It's like an addiction. I don't know how to stop. I actually have tried turning my phone off so that I'm not tempted to pick it up and text but I do text with other friends as well and I hate to cut them off too.
I also have acted this way with previous bf's.. so I'm sure the problem is me. My relationships are usually fine for the first month or so, but then I start acting this way and then they dump me.
mystry- as for the comment where you said about the only way he'd want me is when drunk. Well, the way I saw that situation is that those are his true feelings and they slipped out when drunk. From my understanding, when people are drunk, they dont create feelings. They may have thoughts/feelings that they don't want to express but then the alcohol brings it out. I could be completley wrong though condsidering I'm obviously not seeing clearly lol. I also don't know if I mentioned in my extremely long post, but he did at one point (very shortly after the drunk incident) admit that he has feelings, but that he had only been telling me he didnt have feelings bc he didnt want to get my hopes up. That's why I think if I smarten up with this clingyness that we can have a chance to work stuff out again.

[AAAAA]

(((Bellatrix))) it's not like an addiction, it is an addiction. I'm sorry that this relationship hasn't worked out, but the man has made himself clear. You have to take his word that he's finished. A clean break is the only answer. I would also agree that seeking therapy is a really good idea.

Self discipline is the way to stop. Just don't contact him. What-ifs and maybe's will make you crazy. I wish you the best of luck.

[thunderbear]

It sounds like to me that well while you are a clingy/obsessive, that he is kinda giving you false hope at the same time by saying things like ' I feel like I should be with you' and '.....but you never know'. I hope you can get over him. It sounds like your jealousy and things are harder on you than him.