[Deep Blue Sea]

Today is the worst day of my life. I've never had a boyfriend, I've been trying to find one for years since I've been in high school, but every time I see a guy I like I get rejected.. One day my office had to close down and our staff including myself had to be tranferred to a different office where I met this guy who's now my co-worker. We've been hitting it off and we started dating. We've been dating for 5yrs (5 wasted years..)and I thought something should soon happen between us, until one evening before New Years Eve he told me the most shocking news.. He told me he's gay. Now I'm so devastated.. He tried to call me the other day but I didn't answer the phone.. Now I want nothing more to do with him because he broke my heart. He should have told me something like this a long time ago. Now I have nobody.. My closest friends back stab me years ago, my family doesn't give a crap about me.. Now I feel I falling in a bottomless pit, HELP ME...

[Michah]

Oh my goodness babe! That is a big one. I don't know if I can offer much advice as all healing takes time but if the issues are just to big, you need to talk to someone, one to one. Otherwise, just keep writing and keep posting and we will all try and help you nut this out, day at a time. Everyone here has suffered moderate or severe trauma at sometime in their lives so you will have a sea of listeners and you are in good hands.

Keep on keeping on and it will all become clearer......

[Visioneer]

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now. What he did to you seems cruel, but at the time you got together he may not have come to terms with the facts of his sexuality, and probably genuinely cares about you, but has to be true to himself now. Five years is a long time for you to be together and then find this out. You deserve better. You're probably at an age where you're looking for mister right, "The One", and you're worried you won't find him.

Everyone, when they are single, worries that they will be single forever, but hardly anyone stays that way forever. The statistics in America right now are that there are more single person homes than there are family homes (27 million single people, as opposed to 25 million families). Some people CHOOSE to be alone, like much of my family and several friends. But if you're really interested in having a relationship, it WILL happen. And lucky for you there are about 14 million fish in the sea.

What you need to do right now is focus on YOU. Don't go looking for dates right away - you just spent five years in a relationship you thought would be forever. Give your self some time to figure out what you want to do with your life, maybe take a course or do some volunteering, activities that will help you expand your social life. This will give you time to heal, and to decide what you do and don't want in a partner, which will prepare you for a lasting relationship.

Pamper your self a bit - go to the spa and get a massage or a manicure.

When you feel you are ready to try again, don't rule out dating sites such as Plentyoffish.com and Okcupid.com, sites that are free. I've used them both. They can help you find singles in your area and you can learn a bit about them before deciding to meet face to face for a date, and there is even the option of just looking for friends through these sites. This will give you a wide variety of options.

I'm sorry to hear that your family are not a support for you. You really do need a good support structure of people who care, and that seems to be something a lot of us are lacking these days. It may help you right now to talk with a counselor - see if your work covers counselling services, even short term coverage that can get you through this rough time. This, too, shall pass.

Don't be a stranger on these forums. There are a lot of caring people here. Take care.

[StrawberryFieldsss]

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. I don't really have much to offer because I am sure this was devastating, but like my mom used to say to me time will help it to heal. I know it must be so hard right now, but hang in there.

Try to do something that will make you smile. Do you have any favorite comedies or something else to make you laugh? Don't feel like you have to deal with the whole burden of it right this second. Find something that will distract you. Do you have any pets? Snuggle or play with them maybe?

Hope that helps a little. Hang in there.

[St. John Wort]

I'm saddened to hear your situation, and 5 years is a long time, but at least you found out now. Losing someone you care about is always distressing. I have not been in a relationship for over 6 years and a lot of the time it is easier for me (but I have issues that you hopefully dont). You may want to look upon this time as a time to do something for yourself. You'll find someone- when you're least expecting it. Hang in there...

[valexand]

This is like I wrote it. The sad part for me though is that I probably am a lot older than you. I am 32, female and up till this day I've never had a boyfriend. I'm never chosen. I'm always left to sit and watch other people spin around me, having one relationship after the other, being happy with whoever.
All this "advice" about picking new hobbies, expanding your social circle, going out and stuff....I've done it all. I've done EVERYTHING in the book on how to meet people. To this day I have numerous friends. Lord do I have friends!!! I've been with them from the time they are single, then attached, then engaged, then married and then vanished once the kids appear. I meet guys, sure. All of them find me "so cool" and "so much fun" to be with. They all see me as a little sister, or a "friend". Nothing more. The guys I happened to like are those that ran the fastest away from me, canceling me even as a simple friend.
I've been trying to understand this misfortune of mine ever since I was 20. I'm not that ugly. I'm quite normal looking, I'm a really nice person and I always try to make people around me happy. I'm also extensively educated as well: 2 masters and 1 PhD. Sometimes I feel as if I'm just continuing to study only because there is never something else to fill in my empty life.
So far all the good years have passed, the "good" decade of my youth and nothing ever happened. "He" never showed up. "He" will never show up. I'm 32 and nobody ever "saw" me.
So there, you are not alone in this one. I'm willing to bet though -especially if you are younger than 32- that things might turn out quite fine for you. At least this is what I'm hoping for you.

[cantstopcrying]

Deep Blue Sea, please keep posting here, let us know how you are doing...ok, I know your heart is broken, but broken hearts and depression are not things to go through alone, so please keep talking to us. We really do care.

Valexand--the 40's are the "best" decade of a woman's life!

[Deep Blue Sea]

I care and I'm really sorry this happened...it's difficult when you are on your own...I grew up an only child and I find it difficult froming relationships in general...that's why I resorted to online dating...that's where I met my bf whom i care for very much....I know it's difficult...but maybe learn from the situation...what did you like about him...what did he do that made you feel special...now you know what kind of guy you want. he must have cared for you in someway...even if it wasn't what you wanted...keep trying it will come over time...everyone has something about them which is loveable...you just need to find that....do you find that you are just really shy around guys? pm me anytime
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"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2)

[Deep Blue Sea]

I have also fallen for gay guys. It really sucks. At least he told you-I take it he knew how you felt about him if you were dating for so many years. That was very unfair of him. Some gay guys REALLY don't realize they're gay until years into hetero relationships. Not saying it's OK, just that it does happen. I'd listen to the other poster-use this as a learning experience about yourself. Get to know what you do&don't want&what your expectations are&don't be afraid to state them up front the next time you date someone. There are a lot of us out here that can tell you what we don't like, but not about what we do like until something negative happens to us&we're hurt. You will find someone who is meant just for you-it takes time, which is hard, but necessary. I'm 40&thought I knew what I wanted&thought that I had it&have now realized that I don't know what I want&know that I don't have what I thought I did. You'll have better luck in the future. Remember that you shouldn't take just whatever comes your way-pick what you want&don't stop looking until you find it.
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I am a 39 year old female that is diagnosed with bipolar disorder,anxiety disorder and post traumatic stress syndome. I'm on disability and often have no one to talk to when I'm not feeling so good. So please contact me if you'd like to talk or share or vent. I'm listening!

[madisgram]

DBS, i'm so sorry this happened to you. it's like a betrayal of trust. i hope that you will let time heal this hurt. i hope you keep posting..it helps to get the hurt out.