[lucyv]

Hi i am new here and did try and post a long long long post but it didnt work? so in short..... i found my boyfriend on a dating site, in fact my friend saw him on a dating site! I confronted him and he was so blase... he said it was out of curiousity... is that possible?? I mean, my gut says he is moving on in his head, but i can't let go of him and want to believe him.
a problem to add in the mix is that i am 39 and he is 30... he lives in Belgium and I live in the UK. I have secured a good job in Belgium and was preparing to move there... should i go or cut and run? i really dont trust my judgement at the moment... i am naturally suspicious and distrustful... but this seems to have compounded it.
problem is, I love him.

any advice much appreciated.

[St. John Wort]

cut and run. Its been my personal experience that infedity begats infidelity. He's playing you now and if you put up with it he will continue-without a doubt.

I think if you think practically/objectively you'll do what's best for you.

Good luck

[deliquesce]

how about moving to belgium but not staying with him? that might be one way of assessing what is really going down.

i had a friend who was recently in a similar situation - things didnt work out with her boyfriend - but she took the time to travel instead and meet a whole new group of people, and had a blast.

[bonaire]

You have to really think if all this adds up for a good future together. the distance, the dating site, the issues on age, the job situation. I've never been in the same situation but really would have to agree with the above-poster - trying something new in a relationship closer to home sounds like the right thing to do. sure, he was curious but may also be struggling with the limits of your current relationship. Having your current stable job and someone local probably (in my opinion) a better choice. That's the practical/rational side of it. If you love him, and he you, then ask if it is going further and if not - then it's your decision on what to do with your own future.

[AAAAA]

I'd cut and run too, it doesn't sound like he's as committed to your relationship as you think he is. I cannot think of any logical reason to be on a dating site when you are in a committed relationship (there are a few).

Umm, just wondering, what were you doing at the dating site?

[seeker1950]

I agree with AAAA. He is not moving, getting another job...You are! You should only make such changes for someone who is completely committed to you and gives you total peace of mind and confidence.
Look at it this way...If he were moving to be with you, changing jobs, etc., what reason would you have to be placing your pic and profile on a dating site? You wouldn't even think of doing that, would you!?
Don't make such drastic changes to be with this man.
Patty

[3velniai]

Drop him immediately. No, first check when was the last time he logged on to that site (if it is possible), maybe it's something old and he doesn't even remember it. People tend to forget to delete unused accounts. If you see that he has used the site recently, drop him. If you leave him, this doeasn't mean you can't go to Belgium. If you like the job you can get there and want an adventure - you must go there.

[lyla.ax]

hi there. listen i dont knw u but i can tell u this u r not alone im sure there is som1 u dont know is thinking about u at this very moment & ur just being so hard on ur selr remember my friend that no matter how things can go bad that it cud be worse well its up to u to make the choice wether to stay sitting on ur bed or
to stand up to the world & prove ur self that ur not just anyone ur a somone & a very important somone u need to give ur self much credit dont think about the negative side of things think there is som1 there that makes u smile its impossibe that he doesnt exist u need to be convinced that u r special & trust im not just saying that i beleive that think & look within ur self search deeper for that speacial thing & when u find it trust ull be so happy & everybody will c that & they will start look at u differently cuz above eveything u need to figure out whats the problem & fix it urself beleive me u r a peson that everybody who pretends not to c u today will be on line just to talk to u & finally good luck i have faith in u & u need to have faithin ur self any way take care