[myoasis89]

Now I know tons of people are going to hate me for this...and i'm not sure if i'm prepared for some of the responces...I'm actually quite scared to say this....I cheated on my bf...I've cheated on an ex-bf before that as well. My ex-bf got really serious with me and wanted to get married (I was 18 and he was 24)...My family disliked him and I was not sure of my feelings for him) I told him the truth because I felt horrible about it...and I thought it was time to move on.

I am staying in a homestay with only guys. I am the only girl. This one boy who I was not attracted to at all...he continuously wanted to be with me...I would ignore him and tell him I had no feelings for him. and that I had a bf..he would rub up against me...and I would get really uncomfortable and yell at him to back off...I was uncomfortable with talking to the landlord about this...and I should ahve said something sooner but I never dealt with a situation like this before. I thought he would just stop if I ignored him. He would tell me that my relationship of 8 months was nothing...and that I am young and need to live my life. I said I cared for my bf very much...and that i wish he would just back off.

I was feeling lonely for a long while because my bf went to iran for a month...I have few friends and it was during the holidays...no family around. I thought we could jsut be friends anid I built a snow man with this guy...we played chess and he invited me into his room. I felt uncomfortable about this at first...but didn't see the harm if we were jsut hanging out like friends. It felt like I had an older sibling to hang out with...he kissed me while we were playing cards...I left him after that...and tried to ignore him.

I kept remembering how my ex-bf hoped I would never cheat on the next bf I had. It felt like it was happening all over again.

I felt like I had a companion for the first time. My feelings got confused and i started thinking that maybe I did have feelings for this guy. It felt like he cared for me and he wanted to spend time with me all the time. We slept together and After that...we cuddled and i realised my feelings were not true for him...he would try to carress me while we slept and I felt sick to my stomach...he would whisper things like "I love you" "you are so special to me" and "I want you to have the same feelings for me that I have for you"...it felt like he cared...but I missed my bf...and it didn't feel right. I yelled at him after that and told him I wish it never happened...I told him I love my bf...he slammed his door and I stayed in my room and locked the door. I was looking for a friend...I thought he was my best friend...but all he cares about is himself. he always asks me to come to his room or to hang out with him...I tell him I'm studying...and he gets upset...

My bf means a lot to me...and I wish this never happened...I don't know what to do

[cantstopcrying]

(((((((((((((myoasis89)))))))))))) You say that you know a lot of people will hate you for what you have done---I would like to hope that we here at pc are different than that. People can hate what you've done without hating you. My opinion is we are here to offer support and advice, not judgement. You have enough on your mind, try to let this worry go.

Your feelings seem to be all over the place, from not being able to stand this guy to friendship to trying to transpose your feelings for your bf on him. Have you ever spent time looking at why you cheated on your ex? If this seems a pattern with you, there may be a reason, something in your past. You have a couple things going for you in trying to resolve this from happening again: You are aware of the damage this causes, you feel bad about it. There is no doubt that your bf will be hurt; I know that's not what you want to hear, but it is a result of what happened. If he is back from Iran, the mature thing to do is to sit down with him and talk to him (mature--yes...easy--no). If this truly is something you regret and don't want to ever happen again, I think it would be beneficial to tell this other guy the truth--you regret what happened and it will never happen again. There is no way to predict what will happen with your bf, you are aware you broke a serious trust with him. Honesty and asking for forgiveness (and forgiveness may not come easy). I urge you to look further into the why of this--discuss it with a t if you have one.

I'm sorry you are distraught over this, it's hard when the decisions we make are ones that are painful for us and others. Unfortunatley I have been in your bf shoes (only I was married). One important thing is that once you have talked to your bf and/or reflected on why you do this repeatedly, forgive yourself (that doesn't mean being ok with it, it means accepting the fault and recognizing it was wrong and still loving yourself, knowing you human with human fallibles). I wish you well.

[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by cantstopcrying

(((((((((((((myoasis89)))))))))))) You say that you know a lot of people will hate you for what you have done---I would like to hope that we here at pc are different than that. People can hate what you've done without hating you. My opinion is we are here to offer support and advice, not judgement. You have enough on your mind, try to let this worry go.

Your feelings seem to be all over the place, from not being able to stand this guy to friendship to trying to transpose your feelings for your bf on him. Have you ever spent time looking at why you cheated on your ex? If this seems a pattern with you, there may be a reason, something in your past. You have a couple things going for you in trying to resolve this from happening again: You are aware of the damage this causes, you feel bad about it. There is no doubt that your bf will be hurt; I know that's not what you want to hear, but it is a result of what happened. If he is back from Iran, the mature thing to do is to sit down with him and talk to him (mature--yes...easy--no). If this truly is something you regret and don't want to ever happen again, I think it would be beneficial to tell this other guy the truth--you regret what happened and it will never happen again. There is no way to predict what will happen with your bf, you are aware you broke a serious trust with him. Honesty and asking for forgiveness (and forgiveness may not come easy). I urge you to look further into the why of this--discuss it with a t if you have one.

I'm sorry you are distraught over this, it's hard when the decisions we make are ones that are painful for us and others. Unfortunatley I have been in your bf shoes (only I was married). One important thing is that once you have talked to your bf and/or reflected on why you do this repeatedly, forgive yourself (that doesn't mean being ok with it, it means accepting the fault and recognizing it was wrong and still loving yourself, knowing you human with human fallibles). I wish you well.

thanks for not being so harsh on me...I needed to let this out.

[cantstopcrying]

Sometimes that's all it takes is getting it out. It helps to clear our minds. Message me if you need to.

[deliquesce]

maybe i am getting confused... but didn't your bf return from overseas and find out? and wanted you to stop seeing this guy or something?

i remember someone posting about a similar situation maybe a month ago...

anyway, it's ok to have regrets. i hope you're able to do what you really want as opposed to what other people pressure you to do.

[AAAAA]

Maybe you should spend some time thinking about why you have had a hard time remaining faithful in your last two relationships. I'm really not being judgemental. At the risk of being un-pc, women usually cheat because they find something lacking in their current relationship and find it somewhere else.

[ncguynva]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

Maybe you should spend some time thinking about why you have had a hard time remaining faithful in your last two relationships. I'm really not being judgemental. At the risk of being un-pc, women usually cheat because they find something lacking in their current relationship and find it somewhere else.

How true how true.....but yes it is correct. Maybe its the fact that your bf was away for a while.

And what CantStopCrying said about "People can hate what you've done without hating you" is so true. CantStopCrying knows of my situation prolly moreso than most other members here. Bottom line is that my wife had a couple affairs while she was married to me. I still stay in contact with my wife (soon to be ex wife) but she tells me everyday that she hates herself. I have told her time and time again that I do not hate her, and I dont. I do hate her actions and what she has done to me, but I dont think i could ever hate her or not love her.
Let me just say that lies and deception kill relationships, weather they are friendships, a boyfriend/girlfriend or even a marriage. If your bf chooses to let you go then that is his choice, and I would say he has a right to know.
I do not judge you. I can't judge you but I can advise you on what it feels like on the other side of a situation like this. I do wish that my wife did something like this but she kept it a secret. We are here for you.

[turquoisesea]

I didnt read all the replies *forgive me I be sick and tired* but... I wanted to say one thing...

throughout everything you've said, it sounds like you haven't stood up for yourself enough, that you haven't been listening to your feelings enough.
Maybe that will help in the future...
realize that your feelings are legitimate, and don't be afraid to voice your opinion.... if you don't want someone kissing you... don't let him

[digdug]

Cheating is never a good thing, obviously, but it's also a two-way street. It sounds like this guy was very consciously playing on your emotions - knowing that you were lonely and in need of companionship - and took advantage of the situation.

I'm not taking the blame entirely off of you, of course. But believe me, guys are very sneaky about this sort of thing -- you'd be surprised how much many of us know about how to play on female emotions. Of course you also let things happen, so you have to examine your own feelings towards your bf, as others have said.

I just hate it when guys do this, because it makes the rest of us look bad. I lost a good friend recently basically because this girl's older brother and friends thought I was just one of these jerks (see my post "Losing a Friend" on this board if you want to know the ugly details).

[salukigirl]

y'know...im gonna give you some advice I read in cosmo....they seem to know what theyre talking about lol. they said in an article I read that if you cheat, whether its kissing, having sex etc..., and all it does is make you realize how much you really do love the person you cheated on, then you probably shouldnt tell them. if it was the kinda thing that made you think "oh my god i feel horrible i couldnt ever do this ever again!" then you found out the info you needed.

it sounds like maybe you wanted to test ur relationship. i think, unless alcohol is involved, thats prob the biggest reason especially if you said u werent physically attracted to him. so you tested it and the result u got was reassurance of how much you really do care about ur bf.

so ultimately its up to you and i know that ur conscious is prob eating away at you. but stuff like that can cause un-needed stress. and im all about being brutally honest in every relationship you have. but were all human and we all make mistakes. the important thing is the result of it, i think.