I'm just tired

I am tired.

I feel like I am the only one doing anything here. Hubby is unemployed, but he "volunteers" about a 1/2 hour away once a week. It could lead to a permanent position, which is why I am somewhat ok with it. He just got a "job" tutoring a kid in goal keeping (tutoring...I ask...lol) that pays $10 an hour...he helps the kid one hour a week since it is where he volunteers.

That being said...I feel like I am doing it all... or at least most of it.

I clean the house. If he does...it's little things (barely noticeable - IMO). I'm probably too critical and I don't tell him enough how much I appreciate what he does...when he does something. I spent the weekend before last cleaning the house (dusting, washing the floors, washing walls, etc.) and you wouldn't know it to look at the place now. I try to pick up after myself...I could do a better job. But I can't keep up with me and him. He doesn't even put his clothes in the laundry baskets I have in the bathroom....bedroom...hallway. They're in the middle of the floor as we speak.

I'm probably being over critical...but it makes me crazy! I have been working a lot lately (thank goodness, because I like having a roof over my head) and I don't feel like I am getting help. He does do several of the things I don't like doing - taking out the trash, feeding/playing with the puppy when its cold, cleaning the little boxes.

I try not to complain much because it ends in a fight. I hate arguing. It's easy for me to say, "If I was home/unemployed, I would have that place spotless because I would want to contribute..." but I am not sure I would. But, I feel like he has an inflated view of what he does....which isn't much IMO.

My parents live next door and help us out (A LOT). Sometimes I share my frustration with my mom...but most of the time I don't. They're my parents...they get upset with him...and I don't want to be stuck in the middle. I don't want him upset and I don't want them upset. Last week, my dad was ticked because our trash can was outside for 3 days after trash day. Dad brought it in or else it wouldn't have come in. Or I would have done it.

Well...I need to get to work. He will sleep late, not be able to do anything because he has a t appointment this afternoon, and I will be stuck. I should do more when I get home, but I am so tired.

Thanks for letting my vent.

Gosh - you have all that and work on your hands. Of course you are tired. I don't think you are being over critical at all.

My husband does very little in terms of actual housework, but he is constantly busy with the things that I cannot (or won't) do, such as fixing a broken tap, or painting the outside wall. He cleans all the dog poop and takes out the trash. I never have to ask him. There have been times when I am so tired or have been so sick that he has washed dishes. But I do need to ask!
I am lucky in that we share cooking duties without any fuss as we both enjoy it.
Right at the beginning of our relationship I would throw such temper tantrums because I was cleaning all weekend long and nobody appreciated it because nobody says anything!! I adjusted my attitude when people I hardly knew would say they had heard how houseproud I am.

Ok, so now that I have made you envious, I really think that you deserve a bit of a break. You are going to burn out. You seem to be feeling guilty for feeling you would like your husband to contribute. He should be contributing!!

I don't want to offer advice (I would advise you speak to him but I know this is not always a workable option), but I do want to offer you support and tell you that I understand. Right up to the parents part. My Mom and ex husband always got at each other because of his laziness. It never made me feel good.

This is the hardest thing for me to do, so having said that, I am going to suggest it to you. When you get home from work, no matter how hard it is, try and leave the house alone. Get onto your favourate chair, grab your book or the remote, or a mag, and just relax. Even if it is just for an hour.

Sending you peaceful and restful thoughts.

Please take care of you

Thanks for your kind reply Sabrina. It made me smile. I would be ok if he was constantly busy with ANYTHING other than that stupid gameboy or the computer. Mom and hubby don't get into anything...but I can feel the tension (hubby is oblivious sometimes I think...lol).

Another day...another dollar. Thank goodness, we need it. I came home tired and in "teacher-mode" as hubby puts it. I can be a real pain in "teacher-mode" (I acknowledge and accept it).

Part of my prob, I think, is that we live in my grandparents house. (Not with them, but it was their house) I feel so guilty at times. My grandparents kept this house spotless. My grandmother scrubbed the kitchen floor until she was over 80...I don't even scrub them now! I use my Floormate.

Sometimes I just sit in the living room and berate myself. If my grandfather walked in this house I would be so ashamed. I feel rotten for the shambles I've left his house. The nights when I walk in the door and catch a quick...10 second whiff of that smell....the smell of Grandpa's house....half of me smiles...the other half feels guilty.

Not much done again here...but I refuse to comment. Garbage can is still outside...but the dishes are done. I'm running out of clean clothes soon(especially socks...lol). I should go put a load in. But I can't seem to make myself walk the 2 rooms to the washer....not to mention the fact there are clothes still in there that he didn't hang up yesterday. Argh!

He plans to "get a lot done tomorrow". Don't count on me to hold my breath. <--- I HATE that I feel like that!

As much as I am tired .......I am discouraged, more. I don't feel like talking to him about it because I have...a lot and nothing changes...or very little changes for a little while. I figure...why bother.

I feel like I am letting people down. His mom is a fabulous housekeeper. The woman gets up Saturday morning and scrubs the place down. My mom's house isn't as clean as that...but she has just dad and her house is presentable.

Oh dear, you really are exhausted. You have every right to feel the way that you do. I wish I could offer you more advice. I wish I could come over there and clean your house. (After I have kicked hubby's butt )

Please just look after yourself and try to get the rest that you need.

(((((((((((((((((((((((( 1day ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm sorry you're not getting the help that you need. it's not fair to you. i hated when i worked full time. the family was used to my doing everything, and when i worked full time, i still had to do everything (that's one reason that i burned out so quickly).

i can't offer any suggestions, because everything i could think of to try didn't work

i can only say that maybe writing hubby a long letter explaining what you feel and how you think he could help more might be appropriate at this point. that way you'll get out everything you need to say in a constructive mannner and a fight won't make things escalated. might that be an option? he should be helping a LOT more.

love and gl,

Hi 1Day --

Somewhere along the road of life, severe fatigue set in for me. I only have to take of me and all too often even that is overwhelming. I need a chef, a housekeeper, a personal assistant. And someone to schlep my books and packages back and forth to the car for me. At the very least.

Hahahaha.

You sound exhausted to me. Would you like for me to make my sour cream cookies and come over and give you a good foot rub while you eat cookies and drink tea???????? I'd do it if I could.....hope you know that. I'd write him a letter and detail how you feel.......keep hanging in there and keep us posted........xoxox pat

Thanks kd, W2F, and fayerody,

Thank you for your kind replies. (((((kd, W2F, fayerody group hug)))))

A letter sounds like a good idea. I just may do that. Today was a little better, not much, but a little. I tried to be very positive. Hopefully that will give him the gumption to get a lot done tomorrow.

I tried leaving a list...but he only does exactly whats on the list, nothing more. So I went without a list the past 2 days figuring something is better than nothing. I'm hopin and prayin I make it to the weekend. We can deal with it better then.

Thanks again everyone!

1day... you are experiencing the classic Depression Fallout. There is a great book you should read titled... (guess what...) "Depression Fallout -- How YOU can survive when they are depressed"). I can clearly relate to everything you are saying because it was my life for about 2.5 years. Except I would have given a limb if my husband had a 1/2 hour/week volunteer job -- he really just didn't get out of bed during most of that period.

There is another support forum for people who have spouses/significant others who are depressed or have bipolar. I'll PM you the link. I'll warn you that there is a lot of drama on the other board -- we are a tense group, as you can imagine -- but you'll find that you are definitely NOT alone.

And it does get better. My husband's depression (and ADD, it turns out) is being managed well now and he pulls his weight like I never imagined possible!