[LadyDragus]

I need advice on how to explain to someone when it is the right time for space and how to explain what space is to somone? I love this person but, I am also haveing conflicts inside of me, that are not healthy for me. I have nto told her all of this as it would hurt her, to think she was the one causing me not to eat, sleep and ect..

I want to be with her all the time, but I can not, so I told her I had to move on (wirtten in Creative Corner) I am just not sure how to proceed with this.
I have never felt this way about a femle before, and am not sure how to handle this kind of thing. I have a boyfriend who is really starting to worry about me, and I do understand.
I am not eating very well, and when I do eat I get sick to my stomach all the time.

If any one can help, I would love the advice

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{Lady Dragus}}}}}}}}}}}

I am glad that you are able to post and share more with what is going on inside of you. You sound like you are hurting and in my opinion you need to think about yourself instead of how someone else is feeling. That is such a common concern with anyone suffering with anxiety or depression. We are constantly worrying how others are seeing us...how we are making others feel that we forget that the most important person is ourself .

If I were you....my advice would be to stop communicating with this person...no emails...no contact....I know it sounds drastic and harsh but if you are not eating..not sleeping and this is causing you so much stress, you need to step back from the situation and start to focus on you. Your health is more important than how someone else feels. I mean no disrespect to the other person at all.

Space in my opinion ..means just that - stepping back from a situation and focusing on something else besides the situation....most importantly you.

Take care and I am sure that you will be offered so much more advice and wisdom here as well.

Hugs
Heather

<font color=blue>The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way </font color=blue>

[arianna]

((((((((((Lady)))))))))))))),

I know exactly how your are feeling and I can understand what you are trying to say, as I replied earlier to one on your post in creative forum, please refer back to that. Space or time away is something you clearly need at the moment, you need that time alone, to think, and to com to your own conclusions. Having that time alone will let you see and view things from a different perspective, not only will it help you, it will also help those feelings you have for that person. And this person obviously is very dear to you, than time will tell what you need to do, but firstly I would suggest you actually speak to this person or write a letter, clearly listing why you need that time alone, and this is not something she can help you with, regardless of her accepting your wishes or not. Remember you are doing this for your self, you’re hurting and you’re seeking to know more about how you feel about your self, your future. As you say you feel so much for this person, than time will also tell if this is a wrong or a right feeling. Also this is nor fair on your boyfriend, or your self, on anyone else, so the sooner you give your self some time and space, the situation will become clearer to you. Plaese don’t hurt you self by hurting others, just try simply do what you need to do. Take Care

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once
--Albert Einstein

[LadyDragus]

<font color=blue> Thank you for the adivce, I will try to sit down tonite and write her a letter, It will be hard, but I will try.
I just do not want to hurt her anymore than she alredy is. But you are correct it is nto fair in me or my boyfriend.

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[LadyDragus]

Yes your adivce does sound harsh, but you are correct I do need to do soemthing. I am going to try and write her a letter explaing why I am feeling this way, and why I do need the space.

I hope this works, but if it does not I will post a new post on here Saturday ok.
Talk to you all then

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[heatherm]

Hi there

I really didn't mean to sound harsh.....if it was the other person who was asking for advice I probably would have said the same thing. Sometimes just some time away from each other helps both. I still feel that you should ease the communication...sometimes that may hurt more than help. From what I read on the other section (creativity) - you have written emails and letters. I am only hoping that it works this time while you gather your thoughts - that is all ok?

Take care and we are here for you.
Hugs
Heather

<font color=blue>The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way </font color=blue>

[arianna]

((((lady))))

Lady at times we have to be 'crule to be kind', but either way it is for our own good. It will be difficult. but in the long run it will be bennificial, plaese take care and look after your self, all the best.....anna

[LadyDragus]

yes I know, and I am writting a letter that will shatter her world, right now.
I can no longer take the way she treats me when she is scared I am going to leave.
Long Long story..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[LMo]

Hi Ladydragus:
I am afraid that I might lose you and Angelkitten as online friends if I write my observations about your friendship, but I am doing so with the best intentions and I definitely do not mean to hurt either one of you. Please know this before you continue reading. I don't know either of you very well and a lot of what I am going to say is based on observations and assumptions. I realize that I could be completely wrong about all of it.

I can see the difference in age/maturity levels as you two correspond. I can also see that she is clinging very hard to you and that you might be feeling smothered by someone else's neediness. It's hard enough to take care of yourself when you are NOT depressed, let alone when you are suffering inside AND have children, as you do. If you need some space, you must insist upon it (as you already are), because if you ask for it and she refuses to give it to you, then you are going to resent her, if you aren't already. I am certainly not defending her grandparents in any way, but I think I remember from one of her posts a few months ago that her grandparents forbid her to see you. I'm guessing (just guessing, obviously) that their reasons might have less or little to do with you as a person than they do with their concern for her unhealthy attachment to you, especially as you are older. From what she has shared, I think her grandparents are completely going about it the wrong way, but just as a perspective, that might be their reason behind their strange and strict rules.

I have been in similar situations where someone I was close to was clinging too hard, and the effect is very draining. In many of those cases, I asked for space and the reaction was phased: at first, they felt scared and said they didn't want to give me the space but they will out of fear of losing me altogether, and then later, they were angry with me for asking for or needing the space, and decided it was easier to cut off all communication. And in the cases where I said I needed the space and they refused to allow me it (by emailing, calling, dropping by, sending presents, whatever), I resented them so much b/c they didn't respect what I had asked for. Talking to them became an obligation, not something I wanted to do. I am sure Angelkitten does not want your feelings for her to become that of obligation, and if you explain it to her in those terms, hopefully she will understand that if she gives you the space early on, it increases the possibility that you will come back to her. But if she doesn't and your feelings turn to resentment, then there is no chance, best friends or not.

Another observation/assumption is around your and her feelings of sexual conflicts. You mentioned that you have never felt this way about a female before, and I do hope that if part of your conflict is about feeling attracted to someone of your gender, I do assure you that a lot of people feel the same way, whether they act on it or not. I myself have had relationships with two women (not at the same time!), although I am primarily straight and am in a heterosexual relationship now. My true friends stood by me no matter what; the ones who left... actually I can't think of any that left. But I do know that such strong emotional dependency, whether due to love, or best friends, or between a man and a woman or two women, can kill any relationship. I wouldn't say that either of you would have to end the relationship altogether, but it is very important in ANY relationship to have outside interests, friends who are not mutual friends, activities that you do without each other. If you feel yourself getting jealous about time the other person spends away from you, than that is a WARNING sign that you are too emotionally dependent on someone else and it should be your next therapy topic. Love and emotional dependency are two entirely different things.

Angelkitten, I'm sure you are reading this and it pains me to think that I'm hurting you by saying this, because I'm afraid you are going to see it as a slam, and I do not mean it as such.

Love to you both and I am sorry if I hurt either or both of you,
LMO

[LadyDragus]

I am not sure if Kitten even comes in this place. But if she does see this, all it will do is make her madder at me, which at this point I am not sure how to react to her, and she is not sure how to react to me either.

I am going to talk to her tommorw, and I hope we can work out somethign to gain and not end our freindship.. either.
I will keepyou all posted

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[LadyDragus]

mam you were not harsh at all to me
i love the help eveyone is offering to me..
I am trying to limit the "contact" and I was hoping she would not see the "dragon" of my innder side. I have a great deal of pain in my life right now, and some of it she does not need to know about because it does nto concern her in the least. It has to do with my oldest daughter, and I do not want her involved in that part of my life.. Not just yet.
I hardly ever get to see my oldest daughter, and when I do, she does not even acknowledge I am there. Which tears me up on the inside, my boyfriend is the only one who truly knows how bad I am hurting and dieing on the inside, because I do not think my oldest loves me anymore..
*tears rolling down my check*

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[arianna]

hi lady, it pains me when you talk about your eldest daughter, although i'm not not a mother but i have seen the suffering of my parents when both my sister and brother left. And it still hurts more than anything as i am the youngest growing on my own without them, and allowing my mother to take her anger and frustarsion out on me, it is just my mothers way of coping, But i have learn to accept and hope one day my parents will hav some insight into my world and see that i'm human too, but most of all i still luv my parents more than anything. all i want to say is luv is strong, it does not die staright away, i'm sure you daughter luvs u, just probably has a different way of showing it. Take care and all the best...anna

[LadyDragus]

Thank you for your concern...

I apperciate your advice, and I am taking everyones to heart.
See I love my parents for taking care of her over these last 4 years, for me, I just wish she knew I was her mommie, and that she loved me.. When I say I love you, she does not respond like she used to. I am not sure if it is because she is getting older, and does not want "mommie" clining to her all the time, or what.. But is still scares the daylights out of me, to even think she doesn't love me anymore.
I know a child's love is the strongest there is, but I just hope one day, she will love me as deep as I love her. She is my frist child, and I miss her everday..

Thank you again for replying, and I hope you take care of YOU too..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

Lady, I am so sorry that you are in such pain. Even though I am married, I have always been attracted to other females.....my last relationship was with her for over 2 years. It put me on anti-depressants and messed up my whole relationship with my husband (which has never been good to start with).

Take your space......don't let someone else destroy your health by accident. I believe Kitten loves you dearly......and that she wants what is best for you. It is just trying to make her see that too that is so tough.

My thoughts are with you......please take care.

Mary Alice

[LadyDragus]

she finally understand that I do need space. It took us getting into a very large agurment, yersterday, and me yelling at her. I am not a person to yell very easily, unless backed into a coner.

I will not misuse ths time away, I will use it to heal myself, and my realitionship wiht myself.
I have to take care of me,

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[arianna]

(((((((((Lady))))))))))), I am so pleased that you understand your needs and rescuing yourself from falling into a deeper hole. I do wish all the best to both of you, and take your time. Look after yourself and please take care....anna

"What was meant to be will always find a way"

[angelkitten]

<font color=red>I am not going or trying to sound harsh, for I just found this and decided to reply.
First off, LadyDragus, I am not mad at you for posting about me, it is your feelings and not mine. I have try and respect that. I have never been mad at you and I never will. You need your space and I respect that. I don't know if I should be replying, but I am, it's a free country (or supposed to be). I have done a lot of thinking and still have a lot more to do. I was smothering you and not giving you any "you" time. I told you from the beginning I am a very dependent person. I didn't realize what I was doing and now I know, for I have read all of your post. I am not mad and I never will be, I am just giving you what you are asking for.
The word (I hate this word) "goodbye" is not my favorite, for I never why and I will on here so everyone can understand. My cousin, Jennifer, was killed along with her brother, Charlie, and the very last word I said to her was "goodbye." This word, I believe, is very powerful and I refuse to use it. I am sorry about that.
As to everyone else. I stand up for myself when I feel threatened and I do. I do not appreciate everyone knocking me down. Maybe I am reading the post wrong, but I have read them a thousand times and still see the same. I am not the greatest "kitten" for no one is a good kitten, creature, you might say. I have my downfalls and you know nothing about me, like LadyDragus does. I am quick to anger and I will protect when I feel the need to. I am sorry, for I am not trying to sound harsh, but I feel like, I am not even sure what I feel, but anger. Yes, I do realize that LadyDragus needs her space and I realize why. It does not bother me to have her yell at me, because that is all I know. She did what she had to do and this little kitten realizes that.
I am sorry and I should not even submit this, but I feel the need to. Thank you for your time and Bye.
Hugs and Kisses to everyone,
Kitten "meow"
AKA: Brandi (angelkitten) </font color=red>

"Some people say that kittens are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." Missy Dizick

[LadyDragus]

my kitten,
When you submited this and I read it today, I had to read it four times to make sure I had read everything correclty. When you said the things you said in here, you made the frist step in keeping me as a freind.. That is all I am going to say on here.

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[LadyDragus]

Yes. I am going to try and not fall into a deeper hole.
She replyed and I am sure you will read it.
We both have to do a great deal of growing, over the next 16 weeks to make sure we truly want to be freinds still.
I will work on myslef and my family, and try to fix waht is wrong in my life, and I hope and pray she does the same thing.. I do want the best for her, and for everyone who has advised me over this conflict.
I will say thank you now to eveyone

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[angelkitten]

<font color=purple> my dragon,
I am not sure what you are saying about "keeping you as a friend" that is what I want. I knew you would have to read it so many times, I was not trying to be harsh to you or anyone for that matter. I was just saying what I felt needed to be said. I hope it did not upset you. I respect your needs!
Hugs and Kisses to you,
Kitten "meow" </font color=purple>

"Some people say that kittens are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." Missy Dizick