why can't I trust???

As some of you may know, I was abused in my past. I am in a relationship of 2 1/2 years. I have told my boyfriend of the abuse and besides all of you, he's the only one I told. Here's the problem, I have severe trust issues. It's kind of ironic because I trust him enough to tell him my deepest darkest secret but yet I constantly think that he is cheating. I thought that maybe after telling him this that I can trust, but it's a different kind of trust. I don't know if it's because his friends cheat? I so deeply want to believe that he isn't but I have doubts. It's tearing apart our relationship. I don't know if I should seek help? I want it to stop!!! Please help.

There are a few of us who have this ... almost exact problem. If you go to the anxiety board you will see mine, and a few others who are having problems with trust. Mine stems from ppl leaving me, my mum, a very close G/F, and a wife who just up and divorced me.

You need to find a therapist hon! You have some things to deal with that you just can't do on your own. Speaking from experience, my wife went 32 years without telling anyone what had happened to her, and it's taken her 35 years to finally go to a T and get it worked out. Don't wait, find a T now and work on your past issues and your trust.

As for the trust issues, in reality, has he ever made you feel distrustful of him, or are you like me, you see something that makes you think, "Hrrmm...I wonder.", whilst all the time knowing the truth, he's not cheating, but your emotions get the best of you, your feelings, stuff from the past, all running through your head?

You have a hard road ahead, it won't be easy, three things...

1. Communication - If you love this guy and want to stay with him, you have to communicate. Tell him what's up, why you feel insecure, and that you have trust issues because of what happened. I know you said you told him what happened, but did you let him know you have problems because of it?

2. When you start thinking thoughts that aren't rational, stop thinking about what's not real, and tell yourself the truth. Then do something to take your mind off it. Watch TV, sing some songs on the radio, do work, whatever it takes. He's not out to hurt you, I would hope, and just because all his friends cheat doesn't mean he is/will.

3. Find that therapist. Nuff said there as I have already explained why.

GL and God bless!

i do think u would benefit by seeing a T. many of us have had false beliefs about ourselves and others. it creates a lack of trust, ktbug, in many cases. you don't have to stay in this uncomfortable "place". because of our trust issues it can roll over into our relationships and then it affects others and our own sense of peace and their's too. i do hope you will seek out therapy. can't tell u how much it helped me understand myself and my relationships with others. please keep us posted on what you decide to do. i'm glad you consdering this option. it will help you immensely gain insight and can make your world a happier place.

I would to comment on why can't i trust?? Recently i was diagnosed with non military related ptsd and mild depression.It got the point to where i was isolating myself from my girlfriend,friends and family.I explained to my girlfriend what was going on and why it seemed like i was isolatiing myself.I am a Volunteer Firefighter and was out on a call,and she got into my computer desk and found a piece of paper with all my passwords on it.She got into the website of my cell phone provider where you can view the minutes,text messages sent and recieved,and calls made and recieved.She started calling numbers wanting to know who these people were that i had called and had called me,all which were friends and other members of the Volunteer Fire Department i belong to,all Male.Then she found my My Space account user ID and password,got into it and closed the account out.She felt because of my 2 illnesses that i was not isolating myself but instead pushing her away,so therefore she became suspicious and did what i mentioned above.She wanted me to put aside any other activities i do in my life and give 100% to her.She got to the point where she was neglecting time with her children and grandchildren to be with me.Even though she deserved to have a life of her own,she began neglecting her children and grandchildren.We got into several arguments which led to me having anger outbursts,such as kicking and throwing things,and most recently punching a gole in the kitchen wall and spraining my right wrist,yet blamed it all on me when she provoked the anger.I am seeking counseling and seeing a psychiatrist now,and i told her she needed to do the same and she relied with"theres nothing wrong with me" Come to find out after her Psychiatrist visit she found out just the opposite.Has nyone else had to deal with anything similar?