Manipulation

I am so tired of being manipulated. Actually, I'm tired of falling for it repeatedly. What's wrong with me that I keep being such a sucker and reacting to his manipulative ways? I see it but only after I have reacted. Makes me soooooo mad. It makes me look like the bad one or the idiot or whatever. He is like an alcoholic but he doesn't drink. I guess that makes me like the enabler......putting up with it over and over. I hate the way I'm feeling about all of this.

What does he do that seems manipulative?

I was going to say the same thing. What is he doing to make you so upset? We are here for you ...I understand how manipulation can be and it's hard to deal with....please keep us posted on how you are doing...take care

I can't explain it. I just know how it feels when he does it. He does mean things in an attempt to get me to lose my temper. If I don't react, he does worse things. It's been going on for 40 years so I'm foolish to expect it to stop.

{{{{{{{{Ozzie}}}}}}}}}
Don't have any words of wisdom to offer ... just ... that really sucks.
It sounds like being trapped with an abuser. Constantly seeking to push your buttons. And after that long he probably knows where to find all of them, too.

So what happens when he succeeds -- does he then point his finger at you and criticize YOU for YOUR attitudes, reactions, etc.? What seems to be the actual point or goal of his behavior, other than, obviously, to upset and anger you?

Sounds like my ex that I just posted about. I feel for you, I do ((((hugs))))

Ozzie ,, Hi ,, Good to see you ,

Is the manipulation happening at face value ? In other words ,, he does this with conscience thought ?
Or is it possible ,, that [ since you ,,I guess ,,, not see it coming ] , that while you have the time to think about it ,, are you inputting more than was there * at face value * ?

WMD.

It's very hard sometime and I'm sorry that you can't have peace in your life.

Ozzie,

I think everyone here has make some wonderful sense......it seems you don't see it coming until after you react.....you need to sit down right after that & write down the scenario & mark it in your mind so that the next time you will recognize it when it happens......as it seems that after 40 years, you still don't see it coming & you can't explain it even afterwards.

I know how that is however, we get so used to it happening & so used to reacting that it just becomes another part of life without even really thinking about it.

I know when I finally got away from my husband & then when I would talk on the phone & he would push my buttons, I was finally far enough removed so I could analyze what was happening, but when I was around him....I didn't see it clearly either.

You really need to analyze exactly what it is that he is doing.....as he has been doing it for 40 years....maybe even he doesn't know what he is doing....if you don't know....why would he? He is just being the jerk he has always been & you have never pointed out exactly what it was that he was being a jerk about....how would he know what he was doing????? if you really think about it....his behavior is as much of a habit as your reaction it at this point in time.

If you really want it to stop....they you have to analyze what "IT" is.

Debbie

((((((((((((((((( Ozzie ))))))))))))))))))

Eskielover has a good point here Ozzie ... sitting down and trying to write some of it out, what he does & says and how it makes you feel, might help you figure out when "it" bes coming, and if you have a T you can sit down with him/her and plan some coping or even exit strategies to use at those times. It does not have to be a hopeless situation, though Mal understands it can feel that way when you feel blindsided by it continually.

Hoping for a breakthrough for you on this.

(((((((((((Ozzie))))))))))

I'd be tired of being manipulated too! Nothing is wrong with you - you're human, and we're allowed to make mistakes. It does suck when it's a continuous pattern though...

You are not bad, nor an idiot. Especially with those people who have problem addictions, sometimes they can react manipulatively to others ... and if we're caught up in the pattern sometimes, we can't find the way out until after we've reacted! That's normal, sucks but it is normal!

Question for you though, and answer it honestly to yourself: Are you trying to "fix" him and his behaviour? I know I try to fix others... I get manipulated by them, because I'm trying to be the "good person" and help them out. Especially when they've got big issues - like an addiction. It burns you out! You CANT fix him. You CANT change him. Only HE can do that.

It sounds like you need a vacation away from him, maybe? A time to think/breathe/relax? Have you talked to a therapist about this?

If we're too easily manipulated, it's usually because we don't have appropriate boundaries to protect ourselves. That sometimes comes as a result of similar past relationships, or just past relationships with others where you weren't allowed to have boundaries. Or you were deeply hurt... so once again, not developing appropriate boundaries to deal with other people's manipulative behaviour is NORMAL given any circumstances that made you who you are and how you react in situations.

Ozzie - go easy on yourself, please. You are important. I'm glad I've "stumbled upon" you here, I was wondering what was new with you.