He dumped me

The son of a bi*** dumped me by email....said he didnt want to compromise the integrity of his relationship with his gf....well hell you have been doing so for the past 18 months.....honestly i could die right now. How could he do this to me. I would have died for him the fool and i just cant stop crying i hate him so much right now cant stop crying and there is nobody i can talk to about it

I'm assuming you are talking about your therapist? If that's who you are talking about, I hate to say this, but it is probably for the best. It was a totally unethical situation. Sorry you are hurting. This is why therapist MUST maintain a professional distance.

allme... I'm sorry. I don't know if this is your therapist or someone else... if it was someone else who was two timing on his girlfriend, believe me, you're well out of it. Someone who could carry on behind his girlfriend's back for eighteen months is a sleaze... you're lucky to have got rid of him.

I'm sorry you're so upset about it... it's good to cry, and get angry, and vent. You need to unpack the burden of your heart... I really hope you get it all out, and are feeling better soon.

My ex husband slept with his bestman, so I know how you feel. (he slept with the guy before the wedding) Let it all out. Hopefully you'll be free to meet a decent man now... it mightn't be much comfort, but you will feel better.

I'm sorry you are in this situation but I don't understand. Are you talking about a therapist or your husband?
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...83#post1918283

Either way what a douchebag. Stay strong honey! It's not your fault.

allme -

I am so sorry for all that you are going thru right now - I was in your exact shoes a year ago. I think it goes w/o saying everyone on the board is here for you in any way they can be.

openmind

talking about my ex t. I couldnt believe it....he has been stringing me along for all this time and although deep down I wanted to stop seeing him, there was a place for him in my heart, which has now been ripped out and stamped on. He said that he had made it clear in the past that he wanted to make a go with his gf that he met around the same time he met me....well hell, why did you take me back to your house only 2 months or so ago?????????? What a horrible horrible horrible man. I feel deeply used and abused, I honestly thought I was special, I honestly felt that he saw in me what noone else could see. the man poisoned me and manipulated me and used me. I have called my CPN and she is coming to see me on wednesday. I was crying on the phone to her but she managed to calm me down. I want to report this a hole....and I want my CPN to help me do it. He cant get away with what he has done to me. ....but I know I will buckle come wednesday and not report him. Words cannot describe how awful I am feeling but at the same time a part of me is relieved that he has done this. Maybe now, I can move on more honestly and with conviction. I feel exhausted by the whole thing and the last 18 months have been the most painful and confusing time of my life. this feels worse then the abuse I suffered for 4 years by the hands of a sicko. How does that work out? I cant explain it. I just so need love right now and to be hugged and told everything will be ok.....damn i feel so alone how could he do this to me?????????????????

I asked myself the same questions - and considered reporting the man - but I had to do alot of soul searching on my end of things and asked myself if this was a decision I could live with - each person has their own choice to make.

I am sure you are going thru a rangle of emotions right now and some of that needs to quiet down so you can figure out what to do, how to do it, etc.

I too know how lost I felt last year, like being in withdrawal.......lean on your friends for support, that was crucial for me............

I am here if you need to talk.

openmind

I should have clearly ended this months ago...actually, this should never have started...I feel like such a stupid little girl with stupid little fantasies. I asked him "how could you do this this to me?" and mentioned transfernce and he replied, "sorry, really busy right now, will be free after wednesday" WELL hell, it may just be too late when me and my CPN report him AND I saved all his emails to me....hmmm I may just forward them to him to remind him what he said to me and how I was the only patient he had ever crossed the line with......idiot. damn now i am crying again...I just want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks openmind ....just so angry and sad right now ...need help

No, it doesn't go w/o saying. I'm a tolerant, open minded, pragmatic kinda guy but I don't feel much sympathy here. If I hadn't read her post written two weeks ago about her being lucky enough to have a husband who has "stuck by her" I might. I must be old fashioned because expecting support and sympathy for getting dumped by a bf while cheating on your spouse is something I just don't get.

All you have to do is tell your CPN the details of what the therapist did to you. I'm sure the safeguarding people and the police would love to know and they will support you while they catch this man. You see, things are a little different here in the UK, if you have been abused by a therapist/professional, there are specific safeguarding measures in place. I'm also pretty sure the therapist's professional body would be very interested in this too. Give your CPN the details and they will pass on the details to the appropriate people and then he will not be able to do this again to anyone.

The reason he could "do' this to you? Because that is who he is. I am terribly sorry; there is nothing anyone can say to help you feel better, I think. We can be here for you, but you will have to go through "hell' until time helps a little bit.

I think you mentioned he wanted to make a "go" for it with his girlfriend? Were you aware of that from the beginning?

I think your (as some of us) need for acceptance, love and feeling valuable overrode what you knew deep in your heart? I am only guessing here and SO sorry....I know there are no words which will soothe that horrific feeling.

Hugs

Thanks to all that are being supportive Marie, he never made it clear to me that he wanted to make a go with his gf...he actually told me at the beginning he didnt believe we are supposed to be with one person for the rest of our lives.

Mike - I hate that I am put in a position where I have to explain myself again and I am sure I asked nicely in my prev thread that if nothing positive was going to be said then to pls keep it to yourself. I suffer with bipolar, and when I said that my husband stuck my me, I meant he has stuck by me during my illness, as I did he while he was an alcoholic for 7 yrs. Dont judge me. Before you go around being unsupportive pls be aware of all the facts.

I am 30yrs old and have suffered from bipolar symptoms since I was a teenager. While manic and before I met my husband (age 18) I slept around and craved love and attention. When I met my husband I remained faithful but still had major crushes and obsessions during our marriage.

My, now ex t, knew ALL of this stuff....he knew all my insecurities, all my weaknesses and manipulated me......I believe this is called abuse? Although deep down I knew it was abuse...(after some time spent here) I went into denial....which I slipped in and out of on a regular basis. DO not think I have gone through this like some cheap slut because I am not. And just to set the record straight...we never had sex....we had physical contact yes, but I couldnt have sex with him. I liked to be held by him and kissed him but that was it...and he would say exactly the nice things he knew I longed to hear. It was like some sick child/parent relationship. I know this sounds sick...well thats because it is sick and I was taken advantage of but dont you dare sit at your computer and judge me, without knowing my history, illness or what turmoil I have been through. I plan on going into couples therapy and telling my husband everything. Do you know how hard that is going to be to do? But I know he deserves to know....I just hope to god that he forgives me. Yes we have our problems...he has difficulty showing affection and i often feel unloved but i plan to also face this in couples therapy.

So there you have it and thank you for making my day that little more worse. This site is for ppl with MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES - Did you know that???? And for the record (again) I have NEVER cheated on my husband in the 12 yrs we have been together. Look if I am gonna get responses like yours I would rather not be here.

and this isnt a case of "just being dumped by my boyfriend" How very rude and nasty you are

((((Allme))))

1) He "dumped" you because you wouldn't finish things up with him (trying to say it in a nice way). He wanted one thing from you and was trying to get it. When things didn't go the way he wanted, he gave up the pursuit.

2) He is the one with the massive problem. He wants power over females. He wants control.

3) If you want to heal, you are going to have to report him. There is just no other way to do this. He should not have done this to you. He was supposed to be the T... period. You have no fault AT ALL in this situation. Like I said before, (and like my own T agreed to TOTALLY), I don't care if a client goes into a T nude with a frickin bow ontop of her head, the T has NO RIGHT to do a single thing or make a suggestion even to the client! The T has to hold the line regardless of anything and everything else. A client needs the help and can do just about anything without prediction. It is the job of the T to maintain the boundary AT ALL TIMES.

You can recover and heal. It will not be easy. But the only way to do it is to turn this looser over. Otherwise he will continue to do this to other females (most likely clients who "fall in love" with him).

You ARE special - to your husband and your family. You were never special to him because he is a self centered pig who needs to be stuck to the wall.

thank you so so much Wepow It took me a long time to realise it was abuse but I didnt want to accept it and thought that just maybe I was special and blah blah blah and yes I have been back here wanting to be set free from him but it has been so so hard to do it and then I get that email from him which tells me I am not special and it made me feel used and sick and dirty. I know that one day I could love him and the next day hate him......but now its different...he has ended it...and now have to face what really happened. i am still very confused about my feelings. Its like, my furst bf when i was 14 (he was 24) he abused me physically and mentally but I still loved him.....ok so my ex t didnt abuse me in a way that was obvious to me but it was still abuse but still, like my ex bf, I hold some love too. Sooo confusing and no doubt I will be in therapy for a long time trying to work on my issues....

Anyway I am going on but thank you again......I really appreciate yours and everybody elses patience and support.,....i'd be lost without this site at time

My comment is entirely unhelpful but I just want to say your T is a big jerk.

I am sorry this has happened to you, Allme. Of course, T is at fault; he was entrusted with helping you, not taking advantage of you. Your part in whatever happened is of no consequence because he abused his power and your vulnerabilities.

I'm sorry you see it that way. I'll explain my view and then I'll leave your thread alone. To me this board is for moral support and practical advice or suggestions dealing with mental and emotional illness. Is isn't to condone bad behavior and then offer hugs when that bad behavior blows up on you. That sounds like enabling. You are using your illness to rationalize behavior you knew was wrong. Does our illness mean we have a ready made excuse for our moral lapses. How serious can our bad behavior be before we no longer qualify for community support?
You put yourself in a bad situation. I am sorry for that. I won't sympathize with you because he dumped you. I hope you can resolve this situation and learn from it.

In a way, I can agree with this post. So many people blame their actions on their dx. Every times that happens, it gives anyone with a dx a black mark. I'm sorry you are hurt allme. No one deserves that, but you are a grown up. Even I, with DID Need to take responsibility for my actions (all of us)
I hope you can heal from this and learn from it also. I wish you peace.

(((allme)))) I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you are able to find a t to help you deal with this injury.

and you are correct in that any t worth his/her weight would know how to help their client with all of the confusing feelings that come out of therapy and not take advantage of your being vulnerable. Your t is wrong and he should be reported so he doesn't do that to anyone else.

and to those that seem to want to judge....how can anyone judge someone else unless they have walked a mile in your shoes. How can anyone know what it's like for someone else on their journey without walking it with them? It seems to me if there are those that do not wish to be supportive, then do not reply! Arcangel, you do not know what happened behind closed doors, nor do you know Allme's or her t's heart...so who are you to pass judgement? maybe you are fortunate enough to have it all together; which all i can offer is kudos to you....but maybe if you have nothing positive or productive to say, then maybe you shouldn't say anything.

It is t's responsibility to help keep their client's safe and to be professional at all times...period! Again, I'm sorry Allme that you have to go through this...t allowed the lines and boundaries to be crossed...he is definitely in the wrong!

I am sorry that you feel abused by this man. I am a little confused about the boundaries he stepped over and wonder if you felt able to share a little more about his actions towards you?

I can imagine it feels very painful to have received that e-mail from him saying he was too busy right now. Take care.

I am not outright blaming my disorder but what I am saying it, when triggered, my disorder had a part to play in this and make the situation harder. I personally am not taking responsibility...and the reason being HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING....and I was manipulated and played with. I have NEVER done anything like this and hell, I didnt even have sex with him. I am feeling as though I dont want to be here right now. And another thing, a man who's wife that did the saem thing as me, made contact and told me how it happened to her and how they worked it out through therapy and how she was told it wasnt her fault AT ALL. SO AGAIN< BEFORE you go giving opinions about something you obvioulsy know nothing about...think before you start typing.

And Calista...jumping in too without know ing the facts.....any psychologist will tell you this wasnt my fault...if you have your own therapist, pls describe this situation of mine and ask if I need to accept blame and then come back and give your 2 cents worth.

And pls, Mike and Calista, until you have ANY idea what happened to me, leave my thread alone. Thank you.

But a real thank you to those who do understand...your support is priceless. I see my CPN tomorrow....will take it from there.....

I am so sorry, and I know at this time you are so angry, sad, confused, etc.....that those words mean very little to you.

I hope you will see someone else (NOT with your husband); one thing at a time; you have so much going on; first you need to discuss what happened with someone who is professional (and if you could find someone who has dealt with t's who have violated clients).....I did that one time, and they are out there (who have dealt with a client whose t was unethical).

Don't involve your husband or anyone else right now; go for yourself....then awhile down the road you can decide IF/when you want to pursue legal action.

No one should judge you; that is the last thing you need right now...I feel if someone hasn't experienced this, or has nothing positive to say, they should remain silent.

That judgement is like pouring gasoline on a person who is on "fire" with anguish.

thank you lost, for standing up for me...although I have so mnay supportive messages, also in PM, just 1 or 2 ppl can make me feel like total crap. And I am glad to have ppl like you here who understand and are being supportive. Many many thanks

Hi SoupDragon.....when I originally told him how I felt he said he felt the same and fed me a load of crap and asked if I wanted to cuddle....I said yes....and then we kissed. This is all we ever done...hugged and kissed. I couldnt have sex with him...i wanted to but just couldnt bring myself to do it. I have been with my husband for 12 yrs and he is the only man i have been with for the last 12 yrs apart from what happened with t...which lasted 18 months. I think, like someone suggested, he has got fed up with waiting for me to have sex so has cut me loose. It was so strange, our relationship....it felt 'unreal' and 'out of this world' but at the same time shamefull at times. For anybody reading this who thinks of crossing the line with their t...pls pls pls listen to me when I say, it causes nothing but pain, hurt and torment. Any t worth their while, will not do anything to compromise the threapeautic relationship if they are of any worth.

Feeling aggitated..need to go back to bed....thanks again to the supportive