He dumped me

Marie, thank you so much for your advice and yes I think you are right in saying I should go by myself to begin with. I will make a plan with my CPN tomorrow Thank you Marie!

and yes like you said ---- "That judgement is like pouring gasoline on a person who is on "fire" with anguish.' <---------- this is exactly how it felt :'(

allme you asked for support and opinions and you were given some you don't care for. For that, I'm sorry. I DO happen to know the facts that you posted during your time with this T. Yes I can read!
It's so easy to always blame the T when boundaries get crossed, no matter, it takes two to tango.
You posted, allme and I answered and you didn't care for what I said. It's about responsibility; I take responsibility for my words to you and stand by them.
This adds to the stigma of "mental illness" of not taking responsibility or having control over one self. How many times have we read about someone who does something wrong with the caveat"he/she was suffering from blah blah blah" . I did ask my T about this although why you should be part of my therapy, I don't know. The whole thing makes me sad.....

And to be clear, I am NOT blaming or judging you. I am just not willing to give hugs and enable your part of this mess.
You knew this months ago, and were given support and warnings by people here. What came of that advice?

what came of that advice was, I was too caught up in the situation! YOU have no idea what I have gone through....it takes 2 to tango yes it certainly does but I don't think that this applies to my situation. He always had the upper hand throughout this and believe me, I would not have found him attractive out of the therapy room. He is older than my dad and not very good looking...so I DONT believe that I am in the wrong here. I was taken advantage of, can you not see that? IT angers me that some of you ppl could think I am somehow at fault. Would you say that to a 13 yr old that an older man had taken advantage of? That it takes 2 to tango???????? Because believe me, you wouldnt! And I have already asked that you no longer comment on my thread as I am VERY fragile right now and as my CPN told me, I am somewhat grief stricken. SO PLS leave my thread alone, you are not helping. It takes 2 to tango....I cant believe you said that. Pls leave my thread alone.

Any Lynn P....I thought you had blocked me from last time...you can also leave my thread alone as from what I remember you was also nasty to me because it hit somewhere close to home. So pls stay away.

Do you know what TO HELL WITH THIS HORRIBLE SITE AND HORRIBLE PEOPLE. I AM STRUGGLING SO HARD TO KEEP THINGS TOGETHER AND TO TELL MY HUSBAND AND DO THE RIGHT THING AND STILL THERE ARE THOSE THAT WANT TO PUT THEIR 2 CENTS IN WHERE ITS NOT NEEDED. I AM TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING. OK I DIDNT LISTEN IN THE PAST...SO WHAT...ARE YOU OFFENDED THAT I DIDNT~~?????

You have some nerve Lynn....thanking ppl for their unsympathetic posts without having the guts to post yourself.

WOULD A MODERATOR PLEASE GET INVOLVED AND TELL THESE PPL WHO ARE BEING PIGS TO LEAVE MY THREAD ALONE. I AM HERE FOR HELP AND SUPPORT AND TO MEND MY MARRIAGE.

Although the unsympathetic messages are very few, I am highly strung and enotional right now so your words of coldness are hitting me hard. And if it upsets you, dont read my posts. I already placed a trigger on this thread.

enable my part of this mess??? HOW DARE YOU!??!??!!??????????

I don't know the whole story (none of us does), but I will say this...

I see more than one person in this thread "blaming the victim" -- the victim being the OP here. The therapist is a bad therapist for enabling this, not allme.

I really can't understand how people can't see that. It's not a person's responsibility to keep the fantasies in check -- that's what many patients do. They can't help it. (It's like someone who's depressed and someone comes along and says, "Just snap out of it!").

So suggesting that simply giving allme good, common sense advice would make this all go away if she had simply followed it is really missing the point of the power differential between therapist and client, and how irrational these feelings can be. If these feelings weren't irrational, rational and logical advice might work.

But it's hard for it to work in a situation where there are so many other factors in play, including the emotional closeness between therapist and client, and the sense that a therapist can act as a "savior" in some client's minds.

It's not an excuse, but it would help to have some greater compassion to understand that if this were simply a matter of "following the rules," this forum wouldn't even need to exist. You don't have to support other people's behavior you disagree with, but you also don't have to feel the need to post to such threads then.

DocJohn

Poor girlfriend being stuck with such an ***. I know you cant see it that way yet. But you will one day. It really is a blessing.
The only way it could be better would be you dumping him. Take care.

thank you DocJohn....maybe coming from you, the ppl who are being unsupportive will listen. I appreciate it. And Anilam....I do hope so I've mentioned that guy who abused me when I was 14...it took some yrs but yes, I now count my blessing I escaped him...which was so hard as I thought that too was love. Anyway thats another story! Thanks again

I am SO pleased Dr. John added his voice of reason and empathy here. As a (future) mental health provider and moderator of an abused survivors' group, it was much needed. I just cannot understand how and why....people who don't...understand have a knee-jerk reaction without first.....thinking of what they are saying to someone who has been so hurt.

Also not understanding they cannot EVER understand the place you are in, unless they have been there. "Don't take me when you havent been."

It is so easy to criticize and judge, but takes empathy and compassion to stop and think awhile before commenting.

My Love to you, AllMe...Take care of you...and rest assured....some of us DO get it, sweetie.

Thanks Marie I have felt so much better since DocJohn posted...and I can only hope those 'unsympathetic' understand a little more and think twice before being so unhelpful I sent a pm to those who were not helpful, and just asked they no longer comment on my thread....no abuse, no nothing, just simply, Please do not post on my thread....to which 1 replied do NOT pm me...I have notified the mods. WHy????????? Again, just childish and I wonder how old these ppl are that so freely comment without any real knowledge. However, I am in a better place....well for this moment anyway. Spoke with CPM today and she sat and spoke with me for around 90 mins. Put alot into perspective for me and we are going to look at reporting him once I am ready. Plus I want to tell my husband b4 i report him otherwise its just going to be complicated. AGain, I just pray that he will for give me I am intouch with a guy on this site, whos wife was in the same situation...he has been very helpful.

Thanks to all those that have supported me. I really appreciate it

oh and BTW Marie....you rock

It occurrs to me that all those who are so quick to JUDGE & PONTIFICATE about what Allme is going through -- are HERE! That tells me that SURELY they must have something in their lives that they're "working on," or SHOULD be working on....

NONE of us get here by accident! We ALL get here because we have made the decision to try to better ourselves from the things that have been put upon us - by life - by abuse - by mental illness. We've made the COURAGEOUS decision to do what is necessary - in spite of the odds, and the pain involved - to lead HAPPY, PRODUCTIVE lives.

Our symptoms come in many forms - isolation, depression, anxiety -- even JUDGEMENT, LACK OF COMPASSION, LACK OF EMPATHY. Isn't it a wonderful thing that MOST of us are dealing with our symptoms, rather than continuing to be VICTUMS of them....?

I believe this site was created to offer SUPPORT - COMPASSION - EMPATHY. It was NOT created so that others could JUDGE our symptoms...in my view. Especially by those who apparently feel they have reached a point where they can impose their views on others... Or feel the need to share their "considerable wisdom" with us "poor sufferers." A spanking by a "well meaning" parent saying "This is for your own good!" & "Let this be a lesson to you!" is STILL a spanking.....

So. To ALLME -- Hang in there sweetie!! "We're" with you!! "We'll" get you through this."

Much Love!!

awww much love right back atcha Thank you so much for your continued support and understanding Sincerely, it means so much to me!! Thank you again for your support and friendship I am just taking it a day at a time (again!) but this time its different. HE had cut contact with me so I have no choice but to 'move on'. In time, I think I will be grateful he ended this sick relationship. I just wish I had had the courage and strength to have ended it myself. However, it's over and that's the important thing!

Oh. And one more thing..... REPORT HIS BUTT!!!!!!

I plan too lol

Once I have been honest with my husband, I will give my CPN his full details and emails he sent to me and will stop him doing this to anyone else.

Thank you !!!!!!

no no no no no no noooo! He emailed me and I am going crazy with emotion....WTF is he doing to me???????????????????????????? Why is he playing with me. I amm crying so hrd right now.I COULD JUST SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to call my husband but what will I say I am so distressed about?? Oh god, I realy need someone to talk to, feell like I am losing my mind :'(

He emailed you because he's trying to manipulate you into not reporting him. Make sure you report him or he could do this to someone else.

I'm going to try to be as diplomatic as possible since I've wanted you to report this unethical therapist since you 1st came here. This experience is like a very unstable roller coaster ride and its time to get off ....do the right thing for you and other patients under his care. Please look at this thread and how we all pleaded with you. If some want to call this unsupportive, then that's fine but I call it the truth.

I stopped replying after that thread, do to my own sensitivities to sexual abuse of power and cheating. I have a narrow tolerance for men/people like that. I hope one day you'll have complete closure and write about reporting this abuse of power.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...=138109&page=4

I need to ask you a serious question allme. What is it that you want to hear from people? The honest opinions don't work, the hand holding doesn't work. You will keep doing as you please for as long as you want.
I really DO wish you well, but I will not ride your rollercoaster. How many times have you recieved good advice and ignored it?
How does one be supportive when one sees so much wrong in a post? I guess you only want your supporters answering you. I seriously wasn't trying to be unsupportive , just that I disagreed with what was said. I told you I wasn't judging you. When you see something in front of you that is wrong, should we all just turn our heads? of agree that maybe it IS ok?
In all sincerity, I have no idea what to say because you will find fault with however I reply.
I wish you well.

(((((Allme)))) I am very glad the good Doc John put in his reply. He is spot-on.
That looser male is USING you. But I get it - oh how I get it- they send you emails and call you up and a girl gathers up her skirt and heads right back to the fellow. I did it myself with a VERY abusive relationship for 10 yrs.

The bottom line is that you are in serious danger here. Your sanity and your mental health (which can equal life) are in danger. This is why it is the total responsability of a T to MAKE D@MN SURE this never happens!!! This kills people as sure as a gun or a poison. He is a CRIMINAL.

It is going to take a TON of energy on your part to get away. Just as it does a woman leaving an abusive husband. But you can do it, hon. You honestly can.

Keep writing here on PC and reaching out.

That was what I was trying to say allme. Wepow sees the danger in this.
If your friend said these things to you, how would you advise her?

AllMe....

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I have been following your threads for a VERY long time, and I have hesitated to post much on them because you have a way of becoming volatile towards anyone who's opinions don't cater to what you want to hear.

Your ex-T IS responsible for this and should be held accountable for his actions. This being said, it is my opinion that YOU also are responsible for this, just in a different way than your T.

For the longest time you have been aware that your T has been using and manipulating you. You have had many people reach out and offer you support and offer good suggestions and many have come right out and said that this was not a good situation and that you should take responsibility for yourself and get out of it. YOU chose to NOT do this, and now you are very upset because your ex-T "dumped" you? How did you think this was going to end? Did you think that he was going to leave his GF and that you were going to leave your HB and ride off in the sunset together? I don't think you did deep down, otherwise you wouldn't have been posting about all the problems you've had with this relationship.

And NOW....you're so angry that you are lashing out at people here who have only been here to support you and offer you opinions, that you requested. You are calling people here names and you are being hurtful. I don't think that's appropriate.

If you want support and you ask for opinions, you have to know that some folks aren't going to give you opinions that you care for. And if you only want opinions that coddle you and promote the "poor me" attitude, then you should just come right out and say so, so we know what you are really looking for.

I would hope that at some point, you will be able to offer an apology to those of us who you have hurt here on PC with your name calling and your harshness.

We are here for you, but I do not want to be a member of your "Itty-Bitty Pity Committee". I would rather be honest with you and support you in what is in your best interest, than lie to you and tell you what you want to hear.

P.S. I do support you in reporting this man. He surely stepped way beyond the ethical and reasonable boundaries of a practitioner.

See Doc John's post earlier.... About sums it up - for me. Thanks Doc!!

Hi allme,

I am so sorry that this man, who has no right to call himself a therapist, abused his position and power over you. You were a vulnerable client and he hurt you.

By doing what he did - taking you back to his house, making you think he would have a relationship with you etc- he was being a preditor, grooming you for his own needs.

Please do not give up on reporting him as soon as you feel able to because he could be doing this to other clients and he could go even further in hurting them. This guy needs to be struck off.

xxxxx