He dumped me

BLOCK him on Facebook. That way you can't see him and he can't see you. This is entirely inappropriate. He's manipulating you again. Put a stop to it.

Absolutely - Completely - Totally agree with Farmer Girl!!!! He's doing it again ---- He's STILL a therapist and is STILL attempting to have INAPPROPRIATE contact with a FORMER CLIENT!!! This guy can/should lose his frickin license behind this......

But beyond that, allme, in MY OPINION you are setting yourself up to be HURT AGAIN. Do you remember what that was like???? Can you HONESTLY tell yourself it'd be "different" this time? Are you WILLING to take the risk that it WON'T?

BLOCK - BLOCK - BLOCK this idiot... Not for him --- for YOU!

Just my opinion.... ((((allme))))

If I am really honest, I cant block him...i feel as though I am within his grip again but its different this time. We agreed to be friends and any messages have been innocent and just general updates. He asks how I am getting on and sends me well wishes. Maybe I am blinded by him but at the moment he isnt causing me any distress...actually the very opposite...I told him about how I have been feeling (nt connected with him) and he has been very supportive and giving me some great advice.

I know for many that have been supporting me are going to feel frustrated with me....for that I am sorry, I dont want to cause negative feelings for anyone on this site...I love this site and have made so many great friends! It may also be that I am very vulnarable right now....only time will tell...

Love to all

((((((allme)))) No judgment here.....just concern. I have only read pages 12 and 13 of this posting so I don't know the whole situation. You have said you are married. And that these feelings are not fair to your husband. Did you ever tell your husband about your feelings for your former T? If not, hun, this is a big red flag. When your T was your T..............which he is not anymore............you had a "little" more protection than you do now. I think it is good that you are being honest with yourself and with us. But think about it for a minute...........can you really just "be friends" with your former T? He knows as much about you............if not more than your husband. He may even be as close emotionally to you...........if not more than your husband. When he was your therapist..........the relationship was different. Hun, it is not anymore. Now...........this could be considered at the very least an emotional affair. He cannot be "just a friend". You are too close. And he has proved himself unworthy of your trust. I say this because I care.............if you play with fire, you will get burned.
I understand a little of where you are coming from. I had feelings for my former T.........feelings for my current T. But the difference is...........it is SAFE. And I am married. And my husband knows about it. And believe it or not, he has been supportive. I am not saying that everyone needs to tell their spouse. But I would be money that you have not. And that is okay............just look at why you haven't told them. Your "former T friend" may now be fulfilling needs for you that your husband should be. Your "former T friend" has changed the dynamics of the relationship.

You are right, you are vulnerable right now. I am not frustrated with you, hun. This is your life. It doesn't matter what I think. It only matters what you think. But just know that I couldn't sit back and read this without giving you my two cents. I agree completely with Lavalamp. Get away from this guy. Block him. I know it will hurt like hell. Get a new therapist to help you cope if you need to. But at this point, it is not fair to your husband to be having this close a relationship with another guy.............when it is not in therapy. I hope this makes sense and that you find some closure. Be careful.

You are fooling yourself. You are in severe distress. You are abusing your medications and are completely out of control right now. You are in danger of hurting yourself because of this. The two ARE related. He is continuing to manipulate you and groom you for his abuse.

By letting him in again you'll enter in a giant world of pain, sooner or later... you know it, right?

You should listen to all the good-sense comments here and block the guy before he brings even more damage to yourself. Being vulnerable is not an exscuse if you know what is good for you and you can actually do it. You don't have to confront him, to talk with him about this or any other difficult and stressing thing... you just have to do some clicks with your mouse and block the guy. Forever.

Also.. I read your whole story in the other threads.. and I agree with Swimmergirl, that's not fair even to your husband.. how should he feel acknowledging you are still searching contacts with this person? How would YOU feel in his shoes?

To me, that's pretty clear that a sane relationship of every imaginable kind is not possible with your former T. I'm sure nobody is frustated with you, but you should seriously start to listen advices from people who, at your opposite, can see your whole situation with a clear mind.

For your own good.

Hi Liam...nice to meet you!

Thanks for your reply and I totally get what you are saying. And I know what you are saying is true. Sometimes I do very stupid things and justify them anyway I can to make it 'ok'. You are right and so are the others...if it was my husband doing this I would be heart broken. For that...I am a ***** and I know it. Although he has this grip on me, I also know whats 'going on' and have the power to stop all this right now. But I don't. Maybe if not him it may have been someone else. Something is seriously lacking from my marriage....although I love him with all my heart...there are elements to it that leave me feeling...undesired. I know I am selfish to seek that attention elsewhere....but believe me... I struggle with this most days. I am just out of hospital so will come back later to this.

Thanks you for your advice!

Thank you my friend Yes I know I will pay alot more attention to this situation when feeling more rested.....last few days have been somewhat draining!

But yes...I suspect this will end badly again and more than likely in the end, destroy my marriage.

I have alot of soul searching and work to do.

Love to you

Thank you! I have been thinking alot about what you said..... Need to rest after being at hospital, but I plan to come back and read all your replies again,.....I do intend on dealing with it

(((Allme))) you have a choice in all this.
Don't forget that. It is now a choice for you.
Tons of hugs!!!!

Thanks Wepow

allme
Don't allow him to suck you in again please. Like others have said, your husband is the one you need to get your love and support from. You are fragile now after the world of hurt ex T caused. Please don't set yourself up for more hurt.

Hey Calista! I know what you are saying and thank you! I am just very sorry for the ongoing saga! I am feeling really good today and TBH he isnt really on my mind. It seems I feel the need for him when feeling depressed, undesired etc. My main objective has to be to find a way to have these things without the 'need' of 'him'!

Gosh, what a journey!

Thanks my friend...how are you?

awwwww thanks for the hugs!!! I do love a hug lol

It takes two to tango, but one of the people is impaired because they are vulnerable in a theraputic relationship. It's not a level playing field. When someone you think you trust and love makes a move on you and tells you all the things he knows you want to hear because he's been your T for a good amount of time, it makes it hard to separate reality from fiction. I've been through it. It's victimization, not two to tango.

Allme -

I just wanted to let you know that I am here any time you wish to chat privately as I know the board can get rough at times.

I just moved out with the kids on 8/5 and started divorce proceedings as did my former T. We moved into a beautiful new house and are settling in and so much of me wishes for the same happy ending for you in some regard like this, be it with hubby, T or just someone new - life is short and we need to fill it with as much joy as we can while we are here.

Please do not mis-understand, my ex T and I do continue to work on our relationship by making the time to be with just each other, lunches, talks at night when kids are in bed - it's important to keep those things in place - but my 9 yo said to me the other day, "mommy, P (would rather keep his name anonymous) never yells at you or calls you names, why don't you marru him?" (my marriage was very abusive that I just left).

I smiled and was in awe at how quickly he saw the calm, the safety, how much interest P is already having in each of them, wanting to erect a swing for my youngest on a tree out back, and so many small things I wished my spouse could have done, are now happening.

My soon to be ex will not even call the kids, not even lie and say work has him toed up so my youngest who is 4, is really having a tough time, thinking there must be something wrong with her that dad is not even calling - he is so mad at me for leaving that he refuses to even call his own kids.

It is hard and each day brings a new challenge but I am relying on all that so many divorced moms say - kids are resilient and thrive better away from an abusive marriage then to stay in a marriage where abuse is always at play.

But I need you and I guess this board to know that it is not nearly as easy as this post may sound - it took a long time to get here, we have our moments where we just agree to disagree but for different reasons, we have learned above all else that no one has any right to judge us as they have not walked in our shoes or known from that which we have come from and that our life is our decision to make. I wish the same for you.

I worry for you, I hope for the best for you, I don't think all T's thinking or even crossing lines necessarily makes them evil or bad - it makes them human and yes, I am sure I will be jumped on for that remark but it is what I think so sue me for thinking somewhat differently.

I just wanted you to know that I am a very non judgemental person, in a better place, now sharing a life with an ex-T where it is really working out in so many good ways it astounds me some days - but iot took time for that power differential to change into a true partnership, one where we had to become equals in a relationship.......

I think in rare circumstances it can happen but your work for your issues must be done and fixed before ever considering anything more with an ex-T otherwise it all gets muddled into a big confusing mess. This I know from direct experience.

Please keep communicating, hanging in there and if you ever want to chat live and in person, private message me and I will send you my cell #. Thinking of you and hoping for the best outcome for you.

openmind

to ladyjrnlist
This was posted from me , quite a while ago and before I knew all the facts. Allme and myself are ok so please don't start trouble where there isn't any K?

Hope you are doing all right this weekend allme. Thinking of you.

Hi guys! Yes I am doing very well thank you!
Hi Ladyj...yes, that was posted by Calista some time ago but since then we have become good friends and she has been a great support to me (((Calista))

Hey Openmind...wow, your story is amazing. It sounds like quite a struggle you have been through but you made it! My situation is VERY different and what happened for you, will never happen for me...and right now, I dont want it to either lol.

And Sanityseeker......much love my friend, I do hope all is good with you!

Love to all!

Glad you're home and feeling better. So......Is he blocked yet???

No he isn't But it's all very inncocent and we just chat about general stuff via email. I know it's still not ideal but it's at a stage that I can handle. I no longer want to 'be with him' like I did all that time ago. However, we have been through so much and I still have a bond with him. If it starts becoming difficult or 'romantic' again, then I will have to reconsider but at the moment I am happy with the situation and it's all very platonic and no games being played. No talks of meeting or any of that crap. He has been supporting me since I came out of hospital and has been giving some good advice.

Am I doing the right thing? I don't honestly know, all i can do is go by the way I am feeling and right now, it's pretty good!

No. You are NOT doing the right thing. You are playing with fire. You have had an inappropriate relationship with this therapist (yes, he's mostly to blame, but that doesn't make it any less inappropriate). You have a husband who you have been emotionally unfaithful to with this man. Remember your husband? You were so messed up last week that you ended up nearly killing yourself and hospitalized, and that was directly timed at the same moment that you started FBing with him. What will be the next crisis involving this man? Are you ready for it? Because it will come if you keep communicating with him. Allme, I know this sounds harsh, but you have refused to listen to all of the sound advice you have been given here and we hate to see you abused like this. You have to be the one to stand up for yourself and your safety, and we keep seeing you walk right back into a burning building that's about to collapse. Please find yourself a female therapist. You need to be in therapy now. You need to have the one on one support of someone who can help you navigate your way out of this predicament. We care about you here, Allme. Care for yourself enough to set this boundary so you can move on instead of just replaying over and over again the same old scenario.

Hi allme... I don't know about you but if I follow my feelings without considering the consequences to me and others it doesn't go very well. Have you talked with your new T lately? You have mentioned how well she has supported you and given you good advice.... without strings that can be invisable and cloaked in 'innocence'.

Does a part of you want to avoid her? To keep this new development from her because you know what she will say because that still quiet voice struggling to be heard is already saying it to you.

I had a thought as I read your post.... maybe make a list of what makes you feel good. Just let them pop out without thought. Once you feel you have listed everything you can think of then put beside each feeling a word to describe what you get from the feeling. Then identify what or who stimulates each of those good feelings. Ask yourself if these are healthy sources for you. If not, think of how or who can give you a reason to experience those good feelings in a healthy self determined way. Free of very very clever manipulation.

You do know what is happening and what will happen and how it will end. Love yourself enough to demand better for yourself. Get yourself back on track towards recovery. That is my prayer for you.