He dumped me

oh wow got a bit emotional there...popped into chat. Some really nice ppl on this site. Anyway, Its now 3.30am so I am going to try to get some sleep. Thanks for your ongoing support

allme I can relate to your last post so much. I can still feel the hurt. I'm sorry you went through that.

I too can relate to your last post....I imagine for me that it had to do with unmet needs and wanting to find "love" and attention anywhere I could get it.....It was such an exciting, yet destructive time for me....*sigh*

thanks for your replies...

(((Calista))))) (((((mixed up emotions)))))) its nice to feel understood but I am sorry that you can both relate to what I posted Sending you both a loada love and hugs

As far as contact with my ex t...I have managed to stay away. It was quite challenging last night .....I sat here just crying and feeling so lonely and was about to mail him but I didn't. i saw my CPN today and she saw how depressed I have become and thinks I am grieving....for loss of 'him'. And, i would have to agree. this is not easy .....but I know this is the for the best. I still havent arranged therapy...for me or couples therapy but right now....I just dont have the energy. One day at a time.

You are being very strong allme! I hope you're proud of yourself.

Allme, I'm really proud of you. I still think you should take this guy to the cleaners, but you're actually doing the most important thing and sticking to your marriage. Thats' what really matters.

I hadn't realised you're in the UK (My bad) ... how on earth does one go about finding a T in this country?

(((((((allme)))))) You are doing very great with this emotion. It does feel like you need to grieve the loss of what you thought was there. It is also painful to realize that you were being abused by him. I am sorry that he hurt you this deeply.

(((( allme ))))

You are doing so great - as awful as it feels. Allowing yourself to grieve this loss is important - and SO hard. Give yourself the time you need to rest and regain your energy. It's been a difficult time for you and you're depleted. It's quite understandable.

When you do find some energy - or stay in this state for too long - please try to do some things that you would normally find enjoyable. Sometimes we have to do things to create energy, even when we don't have any.

(( HUGS ))

thanks! I don't know where I'd be without you guys!

Today was a 'better' day. Spent it with friends, which is exactly what I needed right about now. Ok, they may not know exactly whats going on (regarding ex t) but some of them do know I have bipolar and my moods can sink. So, no questions asked, they gave me some well needed support.

So, another day without contacting him! yes, he entered my head but even then, it was 'easier' to push him out again! Sometimes I have these REALLY strong prangs to email or txt him, and its when I am able to restrain myself from doing so, I feel the strength growing inside. I know all of this may sound a little crazy to some ppl....but honestly, it feels as though I am coming off some drug. I used to be a drug addict so I know very well how it feels. And as with my stopping drugs, I am taking this one day at a time.

Thank you for being so patient with me.

You're doing great!! Yes -- One Day At A Time.

I still have thoughts about my T too. Especially on the weekends. But as you said it has become easier to push her out. Until she comes back again.

Chin Up!! You should be VERY proud of yourself!!

Terry

I agree!! Good job! You're stronger then you may think.

Thanks all!

Just popped in to say hi and thank all that have been here for me during my ex t journey! I feel I have reached a 'good enough' place and feel as though i am ready to 'move on' It hasn't been easy and I know there may be days where he pops into my head. However, I am near enough 100% sure, that I will never 'see' him again. Right now I am enjoying my husband and our time together....we have been working alot of stuff out and today he brought me back home the biggest bunch of flowers and a big bear hug! Whenever I look at him lately, I think to myself....'this' is 'real' love and this is where i belong. not in some fantasy land with some predator that I didn't really love. When i say love.....I mean 'in love'. I believe i loved him...but it wasn't the real 'in love' i have with my husband. I got somewhat confused regarding my feelings for my husband. But, I feel as though I have crossed that bridge and now know, this is where I belong. My husband is my soul mate.....and I dont ever intend on seeking out ex t. He made my life a mysery.

Anyway...thanks to all! Love and hugs to you all. I will still be here but only to support others. And hopefully I wont need your support again! Not that its a bad thing...but it will mean I am doing just fine

Take care

I'm very happy for you allme. I know what a struggle it was for you but you deserve to feel truly loved and your husband seems to do that.

Ohh no....I think I may have spoken too soon. I'm having these impulses to email him...I know it wont go anywhere but a part of me cant let go~! However, I wont email him....I will just post here instead.

The thing that is really sticking in me is the fact that I was unfaithful...the longer time goes on the more it is eating me. I feel like a disgusting human being and so full of regret. SO why in hell am I wanting to make contact! I guess its hard for me to accept it was a form of abuse and that he was using my transference....i dont want to believe that so a apart of me wants him to confirm I was a special case and he had never done anything like this before. But why? I am killing myself here with all the 'whys' and argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess nobody wants to feel as though they were abused. But I just have to remind myself it was transference and he used me. AND most of all, the love I have with my husband is 'real' love. I am not thinking straight....I need to get a grip, this man has taken enough of my time as it is! What is wrong with me?!?!?!?

I know its wrong and I know its unhealthy yet a part of me still longs for that 'feeling' I had with him. I guess what I really want is the closeness i had with him.....yes, thats what I really want...not him! Do you think? Arghhhhhhhhhhh! So is that it? I'm lonely? Lack of connection? Ok, so I know I love my husband but to love doesnt always mean you are 'connected', if you know what I mean? I am so tired of this

((((Allme))) There is something called "love addiction" ... It is a part of the sexual addiction cycle. Many females have this issue. They get addicted to the chemical high that fantasy and the chase brings. There are even 12 step groups for love addicts! So you are not alone in feeling this urge. It may help you to reach out and try to find a local 12 step group for females.

Hey Wepow!

I'd never taken that into consideration but you know what, even before him, I had...lets say a vivid imagination and would obsess about different men...but I never acted on any of it! Yes I do love that feeling! Too much But this makes me feel so weak and somewhat ashamed Another thing I would imagine is that they felt the same way about me, that they secretly wanted me. When in reality they probably didnt! I dont want to come off sounding like some crazed stalker woman begging for love but i really want help for this crap. Ok so even if he does leave my thoughts altogether, who is saying that i wont cross the line again? I mean' say if my next obsession tells me he feels the same way? Now that I have crossed the line does it mean I am more likely to cross it again? What a friggin mess Sorry....having a bad day too....maybe tomorrow I will be thinking more clearly. Or maybe I am thinking clearly, maybe this is what I need to focus on...my need to feel desired and that feeling of 'new love'. That rushing feeling that is so addictive to me...which is why I kept going back to see ex t...I was always chasing that feeling.

Thanks Wepow..you have given me something to think about it and to be honest, it makes alot of sense to me

sorry, just having a bad night

(((allme))) "One Day At A Time." Today is Tuesday.

Oh. And other thing I'd like to point out.... Since this saga started for you - since you started this thread, there have been over 3400 views - 119 replies. That sort of support, and interest in your welfare, would have NEVER come from your former "Therapist." Here it's real. With him it was only a mirage - a means to an end (for him).

You're a lucky person, in my book, to be free from him. Without having suffered any more damage than was done... I think we've all heard of instances where that sort of situation ended up with tragic consequences for the client involved.

It'll be ok allme - what day is it??

Thanks It's wednesday!

feeling better today...think it was just a bad night. Although this longing feeling is harder to get rid of. I think I understand its not him I am longing for....I am longing to feel loved and cared for. I don't think I have ever felt truly loved and cared for. But yes, again, one day at a time!

((((allme)))) PC has this link today ! I didn't want you to miss it!
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/20...tion-part-one/

And this is a GREAT group - http://www.slaauk.org/

Thinking about you today and wanting you to know I care!

Thanks guys

Sadly I am back in contact with him. He sent me a friends request on face book and that was that, I couldnt resist. I mean, c'mon, he was giving me the chance to see what is really going on in his life and photos and everything else that face book brings. I have failed BIG time. However, I will cetainly not be meeting him or anything like that. He sent me a message and said he considers me a friend and wants it to stay that way. I Just dont know....but anyway..I have bigger problems then him at the moment...so I need to post on the bipolar forum.

*hugs*