[Unkas]

Hello. I recently started therapy for issues with my mother. My T has pulled some other things out of me that I had locked away. After the third session, a particularly emotional one, I began to think about her outside of the office. It hasn't been in a sexual manner, but its like a crush from high school.

I am happily married, yet think about my T almost constantly-her smile, her hair style, her rich brown eyes, her soft voice...it's driving me nuts and causing me to question my marriage, which I feel is so unfair to my wife.

I inadvertently saw up her skirt during the last session and felt guilty, like I had violated some trust. She didn't notice or anything but my first thought was, "great, you've ruined it." Deep down I know that it would and SHOULD never go anywhere but it's borderline agony. Do I tell her, or not? Will she be upset? Will it be awkward? Will she reciprocate the feeling? So much turmoil on top of what I already deal with.

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

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[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by Unkas

Hello. I recently started therapy for issues with my mother. My T has pulled some other things out of me that I had locked away. After the third session, a particularly emotional one, I began to think about her outside of the office. It hasn't been in a sexual manner, but its like a crush from high school.

I am happily married, yet think about my T almost constantly-her smile, her hair style, her rich brown eyes, her soft voice...it's driving me nuts and causing me to question my marriage, which I feel is so unfair to my wife.

I inadvertently saw up her skirt during the last session and felt guilty, like I had violated some trust. She didn't notice or anything but my first thought was, "great, you've ruined it." Deep down I know that it would and SHOULD never go anywhere but it's borderline agony. Do I tell her, or not? Will she be upset? Will it be awkward? Will she reciprocate the feeling? So much turmoil on top of what I already deal with.

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

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I would leave out the skirt, but yes, do tell her. It is a common phenomenon, and if she's a good therapist she will take the lead and settle your mind. Good luck!

[sweepy62]

I do understand how you feel, and if its causing you that much distress and you trust and have a good relationship with your therapist I think you should your thoughts and feelings I think you will feel better.

I am in the middle of a crush with my male group t and in the next several weeks I will be processing this with my female individual t. All the luck to you.

[bunnylove45]

I've been crushing on my therapist for months now. The feelings dissipated, because he wasn't reciprocating (rightly so). I thought I had licked (no pun intended) the transference. No sir, it reared it's head again this past week.

My therapist is in full knowledge of my 'feelings' for him.

Many who are experiencing the same thing with their therapist suggest that sharing will help the feelings.

I've shared, but my feelings are still strong.

So, I'm not sure if the feelings actually lessen, or just expressing them gets them out in the open?

I'm hopeful one day the feelings will subside.

Also, from what I've read therapist may have 'feelings' for you, but often they aren't talked about and of course, never should be acted on. You know the ol' Code of Ethics rule!

[Unkas]

Thank you all for the posts and kind words. Today has been better, but the deep ache remains. I tell myself, "She is your therapist; she is here to help." She has never shown me any sort of romantic inclinations and has remained very professional. I have kept a strict limit on contact with her outside of the office because I value the therapy more than an attempt to see if there is anything there. I am contemplating talking to her about it during the next session...

[nicoleflynn]

ALL of your feelings are normal. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they simply....are. Therapy is an intense relationship, like no other. You might want to consider sharing what you have said here. I don't see any point in mentioning the skirt thing.

[RTerroni]

I actually think that the biggest temptations and urges were with a Group Therapist that I saw a few years back. Unlike during traditional Individual Therapy where the Therapist sits across from me several feet away my, my Group Therapist sat directly across from me at a table (sort of like you would see with younger children since she did primarily work with young children) and during most of the session (particularity when the other person there for the session went into real depressing things that I head no interest in really listening to) I found myself other looking at her bra-strap (which was usually always visible) or even trying to look down her shirt (the shirts that she wore were typically low-cut) even though I know that I shouldn't be doing it I sometimes couldn't resist it. I knew she was married and had 2 young kids so that did help the urges ease a little but they were still there right up until the abrupt ending due to ongoing differences between me and the other person who was there for the Therapy session. It has been close to 2 years now since we ended the Group Therapy but it still stands in my head and comes up from time to time.

Basically these urges are natural especially if you find the Therapist very attractive.

["Tilly may"]

its tough. Just please dont mention the skirt, as it will make her feel creeped out. Really it will. However I think its normal to feel the way you do and its hard to get rid of those feelings. I stopped seeing my therapist for that reason and after a few months i felt better and more in control and I went back. it went fine and i didnt experience those feelings. that was a month ago. last night i found myself looking her up on google and just reading about her and looking at her picture. its crazy i know what you are going through. hang in there . remember that your wife is real, really in your life, an active member. Your therapist welll she is just a part time listener of sorts. She is not a major player . i hope it will pass.

[allme]

I echo what had been said, definitely talk to her about it minus the skirt lol She will understand and hopefully you can explore and deal with these feelings and thoughts together

[growlycat]

Let us know how it works out if you talk to your T about this.

I'm struggling with a crush on my cbt guy at the moment. Kind of frustrated with myself, actually.

[Unkas]

So I talked with my therapist (except he skirt part of course) and everything went well. I had actually dealt with it before going back by realizing that I was in love with the therapy not the therapist. I told her that she has become a big part of my life and she was very receptive to it. She also said that I wasn't the first person to tell her.

Basically I asked myself some hard questions like:

What are the odds that she is into me?
What are the chances of her forsaking her career and family for me?
and importantly,
Would I be willing to give up my marriage?

I realized that regardless of the answers to the first questions, the answer to the third mattered an it was an unequivocal "no".

Thank you to all the responses here, they were a big help.

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