But now I have started again.

My prayer is that God forgives those of us who cannot tolerate life any longer.

I hope that he is not the vengeful God I learned of as a child but a merciful one who will welcome my weary soul into his kingdom.

I must find a home for my little puppies I owe them that. One will not be able to tolerate anywhere else so it is probably best she comes with me.

I pray I will not be cast into the eternal fires of hell because my spirit and soul are weak and my heart is broken.

[Open Eyes]

Dearest (((TrixE)))

You have started again, what has happened for you...think. You must learn to pray and then be patient so God can find the right people who come into your life to comfort and help you. When you begin to pray again you need to have faith again and allow yourself to actually "look" for help and guidance too.

Often it is those who stumble and struggle, who are hurting so much that cry out in prayer who learn the most so they can themselves be called upon to help others.
Having FAITH is not an easy choice, it requires a great deal of patience and a willingness to accept help even though at times it is stormy and dark.

One cannot look for help amongst those who have not struggled, who live their lives by taking from others in some way. Instead, one must look in places not really thought of before. It takes FAITH to do that and PATIENCE too.

Your puppies do have a home, it's with "you" and I am sure they love you.

I know you are sitting in the dark and it's lonely, I promise if you keep opening your heart, HAVE FAITH, and keep reaching out, you will slowly find it and slowly it will begin to get lighter.

The life you feel you can't tolerate is something you can grow to change, PATIENCE.
One Day at a Time, FAITH, One day at a time.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TrixE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

Hi TrixE,

I realize that bad things happen to good people. I realize that this world can chew you up and spit you out. And I also realize that you think nobody cares if you live or die. You're wrong about that. I care. If I didn't care would I be writing this?

PM me if you care.

I especially appreciate REAL responses that showed empathy and while not accepting my viewpoints disagreed with them without once telling me that what I thought was stupid or that I should quit feeling sorry for myself. i take your responses very seriously as you are obviously very real caring people who take the time to respond from the heart instead of with platitudes or trying to silence me with ridicule. The world needs more people like you. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Thank you.

I must start a conversation later about validation and/or invalidation. it's a very important issue and relates to what i've stated here about silencing someone with ridicule or shame. That is hardly helpful thank you so much for not. And thank you for not saying some platitude such as "God never gives us more than we can handle". That sounds nice I guess to some but it is illogical. Are you going to say that people being hacked to death in a genocidal attack are not being dealt more than they can handle? **** HAPPENS and genocide is proof of that. You wouldn't tell the Jewish people watching their children being torn from their arms and marched to the crematorium that God wasn't giving them more than they could handle.

I very much appreciate real honest sincere people - thank you for being among them.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I love teddy bears but other than that I guess I'm missing your point? Something about Hawaii or hula dancers? Thanks for your response it reveals much.

[Smileonmyface]

i gave up on prayer myself recently, and i am still struggling with praying, how to pray, what to say, etc. the people here do care very much and i have found it to be a great place for support. i know what you mean about your puppies too. i have an antisocial cat who only comes out from under the bed to let me pet her, and when i have felt at my lowest, the fact that she needs me makes me feel like i have to go on. many hugs. we do care!

[Thunder Bow]

My Prayers can have much humor in them!

This poem speaks to me when I have strong suicidal urges that make me want to make plans to leave this world. Especially the second stanza. It's called "Wait". I hope you'll do that. Please wait.

Wait, for now. Distrust everything, if you have to. But trust the hours. Haven't they carried you everywhere, up to now? Personal events will become interesting again. Hair will become interesting. Pain will become interesting. Buds that open out of season will become lovely again. Second-hand gloves will become lovely again, their memories are what give them the need for other hands. And the desolation of lovers is the same: that enormous emptiness carved out of such tiny beings as we are asks to be filled; the need for the new love is faithfulness to the old. Wait. Don't go too early. You're tired. But everyone's tired. But no one is tired enough. Only wait a while and listen. Music of hair, Music of pain, music of looms weaving all our loves again. Be there to hear it, it will be the only time, most of all to hear, the flute of your whole existence, rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.
Galway Kinnell