[nowheretorun]

Dear Mom,

i know you didnt intend for all thats happened to happen. I know you didnt know before hand what would happen the day you chose to flaunt the law and take all our lives into your hands by drinking and driving and racing. I know you didnt know it would change all our lives forever. I know you wouldnt have wanted it to be this way.

Mom, i hope you do now know what that one moment of carlessness cost us all. I hope you believe now that it wasnt the most wise choice you've ever made.

I am not going to hope that you were happy for the few minutes it took for the wreck to happen. I am going to hope that it never happens again. To you, or any others.

i am praying for you Mom.

[Danialla]

Bless your heart Nowheretoturn.

I will pray with you ::holds your hand and bows head::.

Please God....

[nowheretorun]

thank you Danialla... for Mom....

[katheryn]

nowhere and your mum,

ppl dont realise how dangerous it is to drink and drive and speed, ppl think once they have had a drink or two the are like superman, im sure there was no intention there to cause any damage,
and i bet your mum to this day regrets that carlessness, i hope that this taught your mum and others that were involved that these things are not good,
praying for you and your mum
and all the others out there this sort of thing has affected

(((((((((nowheretorun)))))))))))))))))
(((((((Mom))))))))))))))))))))
saying a prayer for you both

[nowheretorun]

thank you Kathryn.. the wreck was 30 yrs ago... some things dont go away easy... i appreciate your thoughtfulness... she htought she was having fun... i know we all need fun... but she got a lot more than she bargained for... there are four kids, one husband, a gramma, all our friends, doctors bills, a life of being handicapped... all for a few minutes of wreckles endangerment.. im sure i still dont realize the entire cost....

[nowheretorun]

(((muffy ))))) thank you...

[MyBestKids2]

(((NWTR))) and (((Mom))) and (((All Affected)))

Sending kind thoughts and heartfelt hugs.

[(JD)]

While people do accomplish some stupid things, these things are called accidents for a reason. ((((NWTR)))) your bitterness shows through and it aches my heart to see you suffer. Many people drive wrecklessly and "get away" with it. I'm sorry for you and your mom's, family...and the situation that occurred.

I hope that with each week that passes now you will be able to find another perspective. Too many have suffered for too long, and there is life to live. We all have things that can stick us in the past; it takes hard work to not be.

One foot in front of the other.

[1oxbowgirl]

((((((nowheretorun))))) ((((((Mom))))
Were you in the car? If so I understand how long ago tragic events can trigger sadness and regrets years after such an event. My prayers are with you that one day you may find healing of the old wounds and the peace that you so richly deserve. That was a wonderful prayer & letter to your Mom.

[nowheretorun]

thank you for the kind words and thoughts Sky.. actually, i've done quite a bit of healing with this already.... i'm at a point now where i can see the root causes of many of my lifetime issues in relation to moms choices surrounding this .... it was no 'accident'

choosing to speed, drink, and drive were poor choices on her part.. no accident....

bitterness i have never had towards mom.. sympathy, yes... and i have wondered many times if my sympathy was displaced.. growing up and blaming myself for all the confusion... i have never blamed mom, tho, if i did believe in blame at all, she might recieve some part of it...

rather, i believe in reasons and causes of suffering... mom began to drink after her and Dad divorced... the divorce was very hard for her, Dad recieved custody... she has never been the same since...

i do not buy into guilt or blame... imo, it only adds pain to injury.. i forgave mom years ago... but, mere forgiveness does not eliminate reality... mom suffers daily....

as her adult child i have taken the responsibility to assist her every way i can... even choosing her care over my own life and career... it has not been easy... Mom did not/ has not matured emotionally.. her torment was too big an obstacle for her.. the wreck stunted her physical and emotional health... she was an invalid at an early age and now, she is an aged invalid.. i do the best i can for her....

(((1oxbowgirl))) i appreciate your caring words... if it were not for moms handicap, maybe i'd have had a chance at something like a normal life... i have learned and grown thru my pain... many have struggles in life, many do overcome.. this is my story...

tho it happened several years ago, the price is still being paid.. Mom did not recieve the proper treatment she should have (another choice she made)... she had children to raise, bills to pay... she did what she could...

i cant help feeling that if she had accepted the therapy and help she needed back then, we would not be in this boat we are in now....

but, insurance and other reasons forced her to make hard choices... i believe she did the best she could for what she knew then....

it has not gone away, has not really improved in the 30 some years we have all been dealing with it...

some might say 'get over it'... how does one get over witnessing their mother crawl on hands and knees to use the restroom? how does one 'get over' the sounds of moaning in pain in the night, the screams of anguish from their own mother, day after day?

she will not see a doctor, she is stubborn.. how does one make a parent do what is best for them? do i need to physcially carry her to the doc against her will? and now, this many years later, what can the doc do?

no, it has never gone away, and probably never will.. the images and sounds are burned in my mind forever...

please dont speed, please dont cause accidents, please dont drink and drive.... please dont choose irresponsibility for 15 minutes of fun.. please obey traffic laws.. they are there for our protection...

please consider the little lives that depend on you...

[nowheretorun]

Thank you (((Best Kids ))))

[KathyM]

Wow, ((NWTR)) - I see now why you chose your name. You carry a huge burden, but you're a good man with a good heart and you continue to honor your mother. I KNOW it isn't easy, but it's the right thing to do.

After my mother died, I drove out to the cemetery and had a long and angry talk with her. I yelled at her for all the grief she caused, and I cried my heart out. It was the only time I could let it all out because I knew it was finally over. I couldn't have done it while she was still alive because it would not have changed my past or hers. Yelling at her gravestone didn't change my past, but it helped me to move forward.

In looking back, I'm glad now I tried my very best to honor my mother as best I could. It was an incredible burden, but I have few regrets. I have completely forgiven her now, so my only regret is that I didn't "love" her completely while she was alive - not sure if that would even be possible though. She may have been a bad mother, but her initial intentions were good, and she played the cards she was dealt in life the best she could.

I absolutely despise alcohol. I hate what it does to people and the effects it can have on family and friends. It's so very destructive, yet it's advertised as the answer to all life's problems.

I'm sorry you have to live with the effects of alcohol. Stay strong.

[nowheretorun]

((KathyM)))

you have inspired me in many many ways... we can never know the way our story affects others.. we can only tell it and hope that somehow, someones, somewhere will receive something that betters someones life...

your posts have done that several times over for me... it is a true blessing that you chose PC as your site to help us learn and grow...

i will say prayers today for you and your mom and son.... i pray that we all may continue to learn and grow here at PC...

we have the greatest family on the web here imo...

[coralproper]

Hey, NWTR

I am sad to hear your story, and I hope what I say is not taken the wrong way, I just don't understand how your mother could feel
ok letting you trade your own life for hers, it sounds like she is a
burden, and I respect your loyalness to her, but at the same time
I don't understand how that helps if all it causes is more suffering
at your expense, I just don't understand how she can be
so unwilling about seeing a doctor, but so willing to let you
obviously struggle daily with her

Kind Regards
Eddie

[nowheretorun]

no offense taken Coral.. in answer.. i dont see it either, but that is exactly what has happened..

i wont say that Mom ever said in exact words to give up my life for her...

its the feeling i've had inside as i've watched her suffer.. i am compelled to help her.. at any cost to me...

i have to say, i cant do it much longer... all the kids have grown and moved on except me now... my turn may be coming..

[coralproper]

I think you should just make the plunge, she may be forced to grow and mature more herself then, just my opinion though

I mean, I am sure if you ever want a normal relationship with a women, you already know the worst thing you can prbably say is that you live with your mom, no matter what the reason, unless she was in her last days ofcourse.

I never really had a very close relationship with my own mother, so
it is kinda hard for me to put myself in your shoes, though since she
has no retierment, I have planned to provide a house for her in her
old age within walking distance, but not under the same roof

I hope you can move on with your life soon

[nowheretorun]

the statement 'I hope you can move on with your life soon' contains a sub-statement i like...

'i have a life'

i admit to some tears about this.. the situation for her if i go is not better in my opinion, but my glasses are gilded in this...

everyone wants to grow in my opinion (which isnt always correct)

i think its great the plans you've made for your mom... thats the kind of thing that inspires me.. doing good for loved ones....

[(JD)]

((NWTR))) I have a blog entry about keeping our minds while our parents lose theirs... it might help.

[KathyM]

((NWTR))

I believe strongly in honoring our parents regardless of circumstances because they gave us life. However, as CoralProper said, I don't believe we owe them our lives.

You deserve a life of your own. I hope and pray you'll be able to find the help and resources you need to lift some of this burden you carry.

[Cthomas]

NWTR,
sorry i didnt answer sooner. Im so sorry things are rough and sounds as if they have always been rough.

If you need to chat let me know. god knows you have pulled me out of funks lately that seems like i was being drowned.......take care... Im here for you

me

[nowheretorun]

thank you (((C ))))) hoping that you also will have a ray of sunshine today... even if all else fails, there are a few things which can never be taken from me... that is my undying devotion to God, my belief that things eventually will get better, and my faith that loving one another is the only way we all can get out of these various messes we are in...

saying a prayer for you....

[Cthomas]

Back atcha darrell......im always praying for you.

I am always thinking of you......always.

Let me know if there is anything i can do for YOU ok?

I am praying.
And sending gentle hugs to you as well.

Colleen

[nowheretorun]

i like the 'always' part ((C ))) .. i do that in a way myself.. people become a part of me as i read their stories and hear about their experiences.. my heart lingers after i have moved on to the next thread... some part of the person always stays with me, becomes part of who i am in a way.. its very hard to describe.. thank you for thinking of me always... i do you also...

[coralproper]

Not sure how you are with building, but around here you can get
a 24x36 2 story garage kit for about $6000, if you are able to do the wiring plumbing and cement work also, you could probably finish it
for less than $15-18 K, if you have room for one on the property

for about $7500 you can get a 30x40 from Builders Discount Center

thats about 1200 square foot, just on the top floor, and you can frame off about 15-20 ft on the bottom level and still have a garage

if you shop around you could probably finish it off with high end materials for between $20-25 k

that way you'd have your space and privacy, but still be right there

just a thought