[nirmal]

dear ones,

in 2004 i had a spiritual awakening.i was practicing Kundalini yoga and
meditation. a guru predicted i would become enlightened. i was also
experieniencing for the first time, a full blown manic episode.

well, i did not become enlightened. i was kicked out of a Kundalini yoga
group(i was crazy manic).

well, i stopped the yoga and meditation. but i lost my faith. i have a lot of
anger towards God. i thought for the first time in my life that i finally found the answers to life´s most challenges.

now i have nothing.my family will not allow any yoga or gurus.

i now do not know the meaning or purpose of my life..

thanks for listening.

light and love,
nirmal

[Drilla]

Know this inside all of us is one of the smallest things we have in our possession what is it? Its that seed of faith called the mustard seed. The mustard seed is tiny but after the seed breaks forth into growth it yields a giant flower. Don't be dismayed over this setback, all who journey the life of faith endure setbacks, all of us. We also have an enemy that is constantly trying to keep us from even starting the journey, you can call it whatever comes to mind, there are several names it goes by. I dont give it the satisfaction of calling it anything but an it.

Meditation by itself may produce relaxation and even peace, but go further, it is not the meditation but what your meditating on, if it is God the creator of everything, you must not be upset with him. God wants us to enter into such a personal relationship with Him, that if we have put more creedence on anything other than Him, we may find that were missing something, or even have those thoughts and feelings of having loss our faith. Remember our enemy will do anything it takes to cause us to be derailed in this forever journey down here. It is important if you do hold any anger towards God to resolve this first with Him in order for Him to show you personally how to regain what you thought you lost, see you haven't really lost anything, it has been mis-placed, it is still within you and you will get in touch with it soon, but first resolve the issue with God and then you will see how you will arrise out of your present situation, do this and do it honestly...................all things work for the good to them that love the Lord!!!
Drilla

Originally Posted by nirmal

dear ones,

in 2004 i had a spiritual awakening.i was practicing Kundalini yoga and
meditation. a guru predicted i would become enlightened. i was also
experieniencing for the first time, a full blown manic episode.

well, i did not become enlightened. i was kicked out of a Kundalini yoga
group(i was crazy manic).

well, i stopped the yoga and meditation. but i lost my faith. i have a lot of
anger towards God. i thought for the first time in my life that i finally found the answers to life´s most challenges.

now i have nothing.my family will not allow any yoga or gurus.

i now do not know the meaning or purpose of my life..

thanks for listening.

light and love,
nirmal

[nirmal]

I thank you for answering my post. I do not believe in the devil, however I know that
there is rampant evil everywhere. When I meditate, I only repeat a mantra over and
over, to free the mind from all conscious thought. It is going within to the true inner
self, which leads to euphoria and deep contement.

love and light,
nirmal

[scoobywho]

I once did not have faith and it lead me to an awful place a place of isolation, we are responsible for our own fate not some entity that you can blame when things are going bad and love when things are going good. Being responsible for your own happiness as you are the only one that knows what you need. Reach inside your self we all have that potential to be happy and inturn your happiness will shine on to other people. I am not allowed to talk about my religion but the one I have found helps me to polish my self everyday so I can make someone elses life happy. When you are happy everyone else is too. all the best in your journey and may you find happiness. Take care.

[nirmal]

Thank you for your insight. i am not blaming God for what went wrong but the
whole system of spiriitually groups and teachers collapsed. i was totally 150% into it
and i watched it all crumble beneath my feet. I am sure that my being manic had a lot
to do with it. I am left with an awful taste in my mouth.

love and light,
nirmal

[Junerain]

Other kinds of yoga may bot be the same with the same impact yet....are there other kinds of yoga out there? Yoga is something you value...could you even move to a new town with this same type of yoga class...the more I read your post...the more I think the answer is in the yoga

[Lenny]

Originally Posted by nirmal

I am sure that my being manic had a lot
to do with it.

I don't doubt it nirmal,,mindfullness seeks peace within the moment.

For me a spiritual journey is measured by progress,,not perfection. When our humanness allows failure and the struggle it seeds...so comes inspiration. The greatest of all gurus began with a growl....

Please do not allow a mis step to keep you off the path...

With Care,

Lenny

Originally Posted by nirmal

Thank you for your insight. i am not blaming God for what went wrong but the
whole system of spiriitually groups and teachers collapsed. i was totally 150% into it
and i watched it all crumble beneath my feet. I am sure that my being manic had a lot
to do with it. I am left with an awful taste in my mouth.

love and light,
nirmal

Hey Nirmal,

Groups come and go. Leaders pass away .

Please try again . Maybe another kind of yoga group . Don't give up your seat . I suffer from group banning . The group folded not long afterwards. I know its the past not the present yet Im watchful.

No one controls you , your faith your spiritial path. No one but you. groups are imperfect seekers none of which are divine. I believe in the divine , I just don't believe anyone person here on earth now is. I believe we are only vessls that transmit when we are completely open.

keep that in mind so you will never consider drinking Kool aid because some says you should in order to reach where they are.

Also having someone say or tell you you will attain enlightenment .

Why give them power they really don't have ? If you let them determine your spirital worth they can take it from you. You have experienced that first hand.

Don't let them win. These are souly my thoughts. do as you wish with them.


Patricia

[Drilla]

You are quite welcome in deed my friend keep up with the idea that God is for you always. Drilla

Originally Posted by nirmal

I thank you for answering my post. I do not believe in the devil, however I know that
there is rampant evil everywhere. When I meditate, I only repeat a mantra over and
over, to free the mind from all conscious thought. It is going within to the true inner
self, which leads to euphoria and deep contement.

love and light,
nirmal

[nirmal]

Dear Drilla,

Your support means more than I can say. Can I add you to my contact nlist?
If not, no harm done.

love and light,
nirmal

[nirmal]

Hey Patricia,

You´re absolutely right, on everything. I truly gave my power away because
I was always searching outside of myself. I realise now to look within.

As a result of my full blown manic episode parallel with practicing Kundalini
yoga and meditation, my husband and boys are adamant about ANY form of
yoga. I think they are ok with meditation. I just cannot psyche myself or to
motivate myself to restart my meditation.

If you had known me then(Greece 2004) you would have thought, and rightly
so, that I was a maniac. The Greeks call `kefe`meaning very happy. I certaintly was.

I´d like to add you to my contact list, if not, that´s ok too.

Again, thanks for your reply.

love and light,
nirmal

[nirmal]

Originally Posted by Junerain

Other kinds of yoga may bot be the same with the same impact yet....are there other kinds of yoga out there? Yoga is something you value...could you even move to a new town with this same type of yoga class...the more I read your post...the more I think the answer is in the yoga

Dear Junerain,

Are you familiar with Kundalini yoga? What marks it different is a series of
poses called krias. Some call it the ferrari of all yogas. I´m somewhat familiar
with other yogas, but I am afraid my family would lock me up and throw away
the key if i even Mentioned a desire to practice yoga again. If you had known
me then you might feel the same. To sum it up, I believe Kundalini yoga tipped the scales due to the rapidity of effect of following the spiritual
practices as taught by Yogi Bhajan. The result for me was mania.

I think I will begin again with meditation as taught by an enlightened being
named Yogani. You can find him on the web, Advanced yoga practices.

Thanks for your reply, I hope we can be friends.

love and light,
nirmal

[nirmal]

Originally Posted by Lenny

I don't doubt it nirmal,,mindfullness seeks peace within the moment.

For me a spiritual journey is measured by progress,,not perfection. When our humanness allows failure and the struggle it seeds...so comes inspiration. The greatest of all gurus began with a growl....

Please do not allow a mis step to keep you off the path...

With Care,

Lenny

Dear Lenny,

Your words speak with wisdom. I will remember them. I am re-starting my
spiritual journey. I pray I can do so ever so gently. I hope I can get motivated to restart my meditation practice. I think that is a good beginning.

Thanks to you and all the other who answered my post, I am much more
clear on past, present and future.

I thank you. Maybe we can become friends.

love and light,
nirmal

[nirmal]

Originally Posted by scoobywho

I once did not have faith and it lead me to an awful place a place of isolation, we are responsible for our own fate not some entity that you can blame when things are going bad and love when things are going good. Being responsible for your own happiness as you are the only one that knows what you need. Reach inside your self we all have that potential to be happy and inturn your happiness will shine on to other people. I am not allowed to talk about my religion but the one I have found helps me to polish my self everyday so I can make someone elses life happy. When you are happy everyone else is too. all the best in your journey and may you find happiness. Take care.

Can you by private e-mail(gweinkauf@hotmail.de) what religion you are a part
of?

Thanks,
nirmal