[birdcrazy]

Basically, yeah, diagnosed schizoaffective a little while ago. But I denied it like crazy, thinking I had bipolar with psychosis instead with some sort of autism spectrum on top of it. Yeah, not much difference at all, but I hate the schiz label. One nurse tried to tell me it didn't mean I had schizophrenia, but everything I have read says it does.

Both my parents had p schiz. And not nice things were said about them. It's like one of the worse labels you can have in public opinion.

But I went to do a university study looking for schiz or schiza people. They went over my symptoms. Instead of saying "sorry, but you were misdiagnosed and you can't participate", they were like "welcome to the study!"

I know I could be worse, I live on my own because of my medications, but I still stand out in a crowd of people... though that could be my own paranoid tendencies.

But each person is different with this dx. I know someone else with the same dx and he acts quite a bit different than me and has more obvious symptoms, while another girl I used to know who was also schiza I couldn't tell and she also lived alone.

I just can't get over it, any suggestions?

[RunningEagleRuns]

Originally Posted by birdcrazy

Basically, yeah, diagnosed schizoaffective a little while ago. But I denied it like crazy, thinking I had bipolar with psychosis instead with some sort of autism spectrum on top of it. Yeah, not much difference at all, but I hate the schiz label. One nurse tried to tell me it didn't mean I had schizophrenia, but everything I have read says it does.

Both my parents had p schiz. And not nice things were said about them. It's like one of the worse labels you can have in public opinion.

But I went to do a university study looking for schiz or schiza people. They went over my symptoms. Instead of saying "sorry, but you were misdiagnosed and you can't participate", they were like "welcome to the study!"

I know I could be worse, I live on my own because of my medications, but I still stand out in a crowd of people... though that could be my own paranoid tendencies.

But each person is different with this dx. I know someone else with the same dx and he acts quite a bit different than me and has more obvious symptoms, while another girl I used to know who was also schiza I couldn't tell and she also lived alone.

I just can't get over it, any suggestions?

I love my schiz title. I hate the illness, but it's a cool title. Whats your question?

[peejcrafter]

Hi R. Eagle R.,

I'm sorry you have had so much to live with. I understand very well. My family is prejudiced and unsupportive and that makes it harder for us to deal with symptoms. I'm with you all the way. Hang in there, ok? We can be very supportive of each other, because in the absence of family support, our "club" is the best place to come for friendship, support and just joking around or whatever.

[EmptyReflection]

Originally Posted by peejcrafter

Hi R. Eagle R.,

I'm sorry you have had so much to live with. I understand very well. My family is prejudiced and unsupportive and that makes it harder for us to deal with symptoms. I'm with you all the way. Hang in there, ok? We can be very supportive of each other, because in the absence of family support, our "club" is the best place to come for friendship, support and just joking around or whatever.

Very much this. I've long been of the opinion that the only real way to empathize with something like SA is to live it, and no one I know personally does. (or is aware of it, in the case of some family members.)

When they diagnosed me 3 or so years ago, I didn't really believe it either. "Me, paranoid? Occasionally delusional? Naw." I'd think to myself. I had a rather funny epiphany recently about that, though.

SSI apparently does periodic medical reviews, and since I've been on it around 3-4 years, I hadn't yet had one, and didn't know what they were about. When I first got the envelope with all the paperwork, the first train of thought that formed was "oh no, they're about to pull the plug on my income, I'm boned. Why are they out to get me? What if the doc was wrong all those years ago, and I'm really fine and don't know it, and they say I'm fine...but I haven't worked in years.."

This clearly (in hindsight) paranoid rambling thought process went on for days. I'd read the paperwork, and even though it said (repeatedly) that if nothing significant had changed in my condition, than nothing would change with my income either. I thought that not seeing a doctor for 2-3 years was a part of that, but the SSI agent I spoke to assured me that wasn't what they were looking for, especially with schizo-type illnesses - they were looking for improvement.

Despite that, I spent weeks fretting about it. "Did the paperwork get there, or did the post office lose it on purpose? Are they done yet? Am I going to be homeless? Institutionalized?" etc. Suddenly, the irony of the catch-22 I'd trapped myself in hit me: as we here are all-too-aware, paranoia is a near-constant companion, and one of the known symptoms of SA. The very same symptom (in this case) that was fairly obvious from outside observation (as my wife reminded me near-constantly) was the very thing causing my worry about the review getting tanked for some reason.

I laughed a little at the realization. I'm still a little jittery about the whole thing since I've never had one before, but I'd like to think once it's done and over with, and I know how the process works, I won't be so wound up about it in the future.

[mgran]

Don't worry about it. It's just a label... you are not your label, you're you. I know what you mean, some people will look down on you... but so what? That's their problem, not yours.

I'm sorry if that advice sounds a little bit glib, I don't mean it to be. I'm also worried about what happens when people find out I'm a "nutjob." My son is very careful not to say anything that would betray the family secret... not because he's ashamed of me, but because he wants to protect me. When I first heard the "schizoaffective" label applied to me I felt dreadful, and wished it was "just" bipolar. But I've started to come to terms with it. We're different... but then isn't everybody?

[mokie]

EmptyReflection I am on SSI too. I have been on it for I think three years. My memory of even applying for it is still a blurr. I was feeling the same since last year and still do about "what if the psych was wrong" and so on. I also worry about other paperwork that I have had to fill out for other assistance since I was told I could not work and it was a permanet disability. When I fill out things I always question myself then have to make my husband review over and over for any mistakes; Then worry if paperwork was recieved and so on. I don't even trust anyone at businesses when they say they will make sure it will get into the right hands. I ask for detail information to follow up and make sure it was recieved. In till now I did not know that I was this paranoid and still am. Even now I am paranoid of what I am writting. Even scared to send this. I forgot just wanted to say that I feel better knowing and learning from everyone here that I am not alone in this.

[mokie]

birdcrazy, Hi! Just wanted to see how you are doing now? Any changes? I finally accepted that I do have to deal with schizoaffective. I had to educate myself as much as I could to see if I fit in. Went to therapy and I read a book called Loving someone with bipolar disorder, since mine is BPI. It really helped cause there were examples of symptoms, conversations from the BP side and the one not dealing with BP. So it really helped me to see yes I do think, speak and have symptoms like this. Plus it helped my husband understand what I have always tried to explain how I feel or think. Maybe this may help you too. Here for you if you ever need a hug.