[beauflow]

I am not sure how to explain and some do not get my "links" or "signs" to things.... *sigh* My own after thought on them, sometimes I feel nutz and other times I feel like a child.

I will give one example that was here recently:

One of my old buds- actually my closes bud in hs- almost my only real true bud in hs- it is hard to explain my connection- any who like a day a go saw and posted a frog picture on a social network..... then later that night I saw a frog.. I only told my BF that I saw the frog no one else and showed pictures to my bf. I thought it too strange to post up right after my friend did- IDK why.

But this thing in the back in my head- keeps wondering if some "thing" is giving me messages ...

There are little signs that pop up ever now again... And I took this frog thing as my old bud and I are still close (this may be backed up that at the beginning of July I texted him something like- you will always be a close friend to me even if we have grown apart- and he texted back saying how sweet and that he felt the same way).

Just these things- maybe they are unexplained or maybe it is my mind trying to give me hope where there is none or maybe it is just nothing.. they make feel odd- but happy
well that is if they are "happy sings" if they are "bad or evil signs" well then no- they do not make feel happy.
idk thought i would share.

[mgran]

I get signs like this as well, that other people wouldn't necessarily percieve as signs.

For example, my first job after school, I was walking to work on the first day, and a bird flew up against me and hit my hand, then flew away. I took it as a positive sign of a fresh start. On my way home after a talk with my manager, in which we agreed that I wasn't up to the job (my symptoms were starting to kick in at this age) I saw a dead bird on the ground in front of me. I saw that as a sign that my fresh start had failed.

My previous job was also marked by an encounter with an animal. A chap who later treated me extremely badly in connection with my work was, at the time, being decent towards me. I was getting a lift from him, when we hit a snake on the road. We got out, and I put a shopping bag on my hand, lifted the snake (which was an adder, and in retrospect could easily have bitten me) and put him on the grass. I waited a short while to see if he recovered from the car strike, there was a little bit of blood. Then suddenly he swarmed off, as they do, through the grass. At the time I wondered if it was a warning... snake in the grass etc, but wrote that off as a silly thought. Turned out that the chap who was giving me a lift really was a snake in the grass. But also, there's a verse about how people can handle poisonous snakes and come to no harm. I'm wondering if that's what's happening with me... he's still harassing me, but is ultimately defanged. Well, we'll see. He's still dragging me through court, but if I remember the snake incident instead of biting me the creature slithered away. Perhaps this particular snake in the grass will do the same thing.

But yes, I see signs everywhere, and other people just look right through them.

[beauflow]

thank you Mgran!
I see how the bird relates, and hopefully the snake will be a sign for what your going through now...

Birds, ugh, like my bf told me he had a black bird squacking at him and he was wondering what bad was goin to happen, I told him maybe a message was coming... then we found out a few days the computer is really messed up... we were mainly using it for internet, connection to the outside.

Sigh, Idk... Sometimes I think these things silly other times I take them seriously. Like rocks in certain places, or one that I still see as a sign till today was when spider bit me when I had a conversion with my brother and he was telling me there were no sign and that people and reality doesn't work that way... I took the bite as he was feeding me posing for some reason, like I saw the spider after it bit me when we were talking and the bit turned purple and I had a reaction to it....

Ugh, sorry probably makes no sense lol thank you though.

[Trippin2.0]

I NEVER knew seeing signs was unusual. You guys have me w0rried n0w. I see signs quite often. Usually it's music related. Eg.This AM I heard a s0ng i ONLY eva hear in my bf's car, I believe it's a sign that he's n0t upset with me anym0re, sometimes it's s0mething simple like if my cellphone camera doesn't want to w0rk, God is telling me n0t 2 send that pic. Are you guys implying, or stating even, that this behaviour is abn0rmal? Idk if it has any bearing,but i'm dxd bipolar 2 with psychosis ( voices ) OCD, and BPD... Looking forward to your resp0nses...

[beauflow]

Trippin2.0, I personally just think not everyone has them, I am not sure if they are abnormally to general society, Idk. Have only talked about signs with a few ppl, I get mixed feed back and I sort of post on here to see if others relate, and if others do then its not so odd right?. I am sorry if my post up set you
Please note I have not been in therapy, so I don't know poo really
You mention God is telling you not to send a message when it doesn't go through, I don't believe in god but at times I am like that too.... Not ment to be sent.

Also didn't prophets see signs? They were of god's messengers correct me if wrong

again I am sorry if my post upset you.....

[Trippin2.0]

Wasn't really upsetting,so much as unsettling. I've recently started therapy,and i'm only starting to understand how ill i am( been dxd over a yr n0w)... Just a bit sensitiva ATM, please d0n't feel bad,i'm glad you posted...

[beauflow]

Trippin2.0 I hope you make progress in therapy... :-) I hope you do well.

IDK about therapy yet- today the lights in the "censored hallway" went off while i was walking down them @ work (they should had kicked on again due to I was still walking down the hallway, but they didn't) and this yet while I was thinking of perhaps getting into therapy here soon- then i thought--what sign is this??- is this the sign it is a dark and lonely path i must do by myself?... does it mean I am asking myself is this really a dark hallway in my mind i want to go through?- do i remember only a little or all of it from my past..do i want to remember (no)... geez -

then I snap out of it and think You cant have another fall out with a person especially with the one that you love so dearly (I Tell this to myself- sorry for saying "you").... so therapy is probably best.

Idk when; but eventually I am getting tired of my roller coaster and feel like I may blow soon some days- other times i feel ok- like now- i feel alrighty! and think I dont need someone to help me... but then I remember just a few hours ago I was about to burst due to some thing stupid.... eekk and then i re-read what I just put down and remember my thought about the hallway and think geez *

Signs IDK i am mixed on them; I remember back when I thought somoene was playing with rocks with me and giving me signs. and they werent playing with rocks at all... so there are some bad to signs i guess- My BF told me the other day with me atleast I read and put too much into the signs :-( made me sad.

[grandma100]

Signs and symbology in our lives can really betray what we are worrying or focusing on. Especially when being schizoaffective is intrusive in daily or hourly life. Moments that we would "normalize" become events that we dwell on in a positive, or more often, negative light. For some, meaning is greatly anticipated.

[beauflow]

thank you grandma100, yeah Idk what my ''signs'' are but I try to think logically, it can be hard like with the rocks at one time....still think he was playing with them, cuz now no rock playing after I exposed my thoughts... But I did call a mental health center last friday I need to find another place so I've been emailing this weekend other groups for info hopefully by next week I'll have a place to talk to some one :/ worse yet last week at work I was so wrapped up with someone moving work emails and thought the individual I thought was doing it was wanting me to fail, then I contacted my supervisor about the complaint cause this happened at least three times now with in a few months, bad thing, I wrote a complaint just to find out things were moved but by accident.

But yet I was so sure and angry that someone was messing with me trying to get me yelled at... boo on this

[grandma100]

Sometimes I think people are doing stuff to screw me up on purpose, usually family that knows my dx, but cashiers and other "service" people are usually straightforward or even friendly. Maybe that's why I like to shop! At work there are always pitfalls with other employees and bosses agendas so there is use for caution.

[mgran]

I got back from holiday with my Dad, and discovered the back porch was full of dying wasps. I feel that's significant. I've not been out of the house since Friday, only after dark to put the bin bags in the bin, and to put food down for the cat. I've been hoovering up wasps. I'm scared of my landlady coming round and I know the neighbours are talking about me. I don't want them to see me, that's why i stay indoors.

[beauflow]

(((((Mgran)))))
I'm sorry you came home with the wasps dying. What does that mean to you.....

I hope soon you are able to go outside again.
Idk about neighbors, but if they have nothing nice to say then forget them, you are nice person here
Hope you well Mgran!

I took my dark hallway sign and looked at it, and said I need to go for me and in couple with a few other things, I had trouble but did it and had a screening
Like I said Idk bout these signs, and I hadn't shared them with the dude, but maybe with the lady I'm going to see.

I wish you well Mgran and I hope you see your wasps sign in a different lighT

Hahah what happens when other people recognize the signs in your life too? Is it possible to be a clinical nutjob & still have a spiritually significant existence? Where is the line drawn?

[mgran]

I've figured out what it is about the wasps. In the past dead and dying animals have always been a psychopomp for something bad coming. Loss of a job, moving house... even my beloved dog died not long before my husband. Death in the house is a bad sign. And wasps are a bad sign, they're a symbol of the people I'm living among. Wasps, don't take this wrong any white anglo saxons out there, and these days I'm a protestant myself, but I mean the kind of person who's world view is confined by their standing with the neighbours, their car, the boundary of their perfectly cut lawn, their normality. And I'm living in a little English village full of such Wasps, I've always felt them buzzing about me, and I come home to a letter citing that they've really been talking about me, and find that they've invaded my porch and are seething all over it. I don't like any creature to die, even wasps, and I'm still hoovering them up. But that's what wasps mean to me, and that's what dying animals mean to me, and I wonder if it's telling me to move house. Which I don't want to do, but if people can just walk into my house, what can I do?

I had a dream about being attacked by wasps in my ex-best friend's house shortly before she became by ex-best friend... I know what you mean about poisonous people, mgran. If you're not feeling safe with the people you're surrounded by & if you're financially capable of doing so, perhaps the anxiety of moving house will be easier to deal with than the already-existing uncertainty of the intentions of those around you. A fresh start always starts out as uncertain, but you never know if it's the start you need.

[mgran]

My housing support worker is coming out tomorrow, I'm goin to talk to her about it. I''m glad you understand the metaphor.

At least you've got something in the works. And I adore metaphors. I'm a bit of a writer at times & they entertain my mind. : )

[beauflow]

I'm so sorry Mgran to hear that ppl can just walk up and in to your home...invading and all, that can't help with any thing. I agree with Shayatanica that if you are able to move to a safer place perhaps do so.
I hope the housing support worker can help you out as well....
Best wishes and good thoughts your way...

Shayatanica I am not sure what it means when others see your signs as well... Perhaps a connection with you and that person?

It's just so hard to be taken seriously as a spiritual/philosophical person meanwhile experiencing psychosis. I don't have schizoaffective, but I have BP I with psychotic features. It just gets aggravating. : )

[beauflow]

Yeah I don't think I have schizo-affective either but I did not know where to put my sign sharing at- My boyfriend does not get it, and a lot of others do not either like my brother as I mentioned about the spider biting me- I really did and do think he was feeding me posin--- but maybe again he was trying to tell me how it is even if it crushes my world. I D K.

IDK- like I said up there I went for a screening last Friday and was suggested I had Bipolar but IDK- I did not share this sign stuff due to I am afraid to, I am not sure if I will sure my signs with this therapist I will be seeing, if we click....

See the rock thing- it was with my boyfriend before we got together- I swore we were playing with rocks and we were communicating through threw the rocks, I mentioned this to him and he was in utter shock and confused. He did not know what I was talking about... and still to this day there are times that I am like "he was too playing with the rocks" and also I am like::: if he was not playing with the rocks but I thought we were together and now we are together and all, what does that mean? that my sign with the rocks weather he was playing with them or not, was and is true to a degree.

sigh... We still talk about the rocks from time to time.. we talked about them when I mentioned he says I see and put too much into the signs... idk though :-( how am i to not when the out come came as I thought what we were doing with the rocks? I realize that I sound freaking insane to some (I am sure), and that is why I do not and am not sure if I will ever share this with some one else that is able to put me on meds.

[mgran]

Hi Beauflow, I've got memories that never happened, but seem almost like they were prophesy. People find it hard to understand though. I had a dream that my boss was wearing black glasses to hide her eyes, because they were multifaceted like a spider. She turned out to be a horrendous boss. If it hadn't been for two other people resigning at the same time I did and confirming many of the things she did I would have thought I imagined it. I don't think the stress or psychosis helped, which developed as the situation decayed between me and my boss, but I'm practised at hiding it, and other people just thought I was stressed because she was being such a b!tch. In the end I did get validation that she was in the wrong, but she sent me off on a really black spiral, that nearly ended with me homeless... my son would have had to be looked after by my father, and I was nearly in hospital. But my family are supportive, if not always understanding, and they did manage to pull me out of the fire.

The housing officer will help me assess my options about potentially moving.

[beauflow]

Thank you Mgran; I am glad you have a supportive family. :-) Its always nice to have support, if they don't understand all the time, at least they accept and try to help.

I, too, feel blessed to have my boyfriend, he may not understand it all, he may say in a loving joke "your crazy" but not to be mean (at times it has upset me and he feels awful about it due to he knows the struggle some days)....

Having issues at work today with seeing neglectfulness and non-detailed as being under handing and mean and wanting me and others to fail...
I dont like it and it has put me in a bad mood. Luckily here, my boyfriend does work with me, and sees some of what I am saying about the problem and communication issues and the down fall of it, but tells me to just take a break- go out side and look at the stars and he'll talk about it with our supervisor tomorrow (He has more elegant ways to put things than I, I can go on rants and say things that later I regret cuz I get too emotional).

I may talk about the rocks with this lady i will see- IDK- there is a part of me that sees that it makes no sense but yet I still un-controlling do get wrapped up in it....

I hope the Housing Officer can help you out with sorting out some things; and Helps with making the best choice for you.

I my self need help with that sometimes, like am I over reacting to things, like the other day I found a sore on my dog- I cried and felt bad (almost self loathing) and thought the worse and washed it and bandaged it up cuz my dog bites at it,
My boyfriend on the other hand was like let's see how it looks Wednesday and if it is the same or worse we will take him... I had to ask if I was over reacting. My boyfriend said "just a little" :-) he is honest but he is nice so it helps out.

I do wish you the best Mgran.

[mgran]

Thank you Beauflow... it's wonderful how supportive your boyfriend is. My husband was very much like that... he could always spot early signs of me "going off on one" and was often able to talk me down. I've asked him in the past whether I was over reacting, and his response was also a gentle, "just a little." Since he died I miss him every day. (It's been four years now.)

The Housing Officer has reminded me of my rights as a tenant, has reassured me that I'm a good tenant, rent is payed on time, the house is well maintained (books piled up on the floor shouldn't matter to anyone) and that there's nothing to worry about when the landlady comes.

The one thing that needs doing is the bathroom, which is damp and mildewed. The landlady refuses to accept that this is because there's no ventilation in the bathroom, so I'm going to pay for someone to come and clean it (this will be on Monday.) I'm also keeping receipts, so that when I move, if she tries to withhold the deposit I can counter by showing how much I've paid on the house.

The Housing Officer is also looking into getting me secure housing, if things were to deteriorate. She says that because of my son's interest in music we would have to get a detached house, and that it should be in the village, since this is where his music teachers live. My son has asperger's, and apparently that should carry some weight.

Ideally I don't want to move, but we'll see what happens. She tells me if I had social housing I'd be able to keep a dog... but not the one I was hoping for. She needs to be rehomed within a fortnight, or they'll put her down. There's been an urgent appeal sent out for her, I'm praying that she does get the home she needs.

[beauflow]

I am so sorry to hear your loss Mgran, I could not imagine truly how that must be. I get sad to think to be with out my boyfriend due to he has helped me out so much even before we got together.

Originally Posted by mgran

The Housing Officer has reminded me of my rights as a tenant, has reassured me that I'm a good tenant, rent is payed on time, the house is well maintained (books piled up on the floor shouldn't matter to anyone) and that there's nothing to worry about when the landlady comes.

:-) that is very good to hear that the housing officer says that- Yeah Books should not be a problem. The bathroom really- the land lord/lady does not have to take care of the mildewed?
Sounds like a good idea to keep receipts and stuff.. I take pictures when ever I move into and out of places so I have that little piece for me incase things go haywire.... My boyfriend thinks I can get a little excessive with it but my Parents had issues in the past so I dont think you can be too excessive with stuff to cover your self :-)

That would be wonderful for your son to be close to his music teacher wouldn't it?- I know over all safety for you two is the most important.
Music playing is wonderful!! I wish I never stopped sometimes.
I would hope that there is some "weight" for your benefit, with your son's condition to help him and you out with things.

I hope the dog too gets a good home...
My dog came from my Boyfriend's Sister, his sister has a tottler now and the tottler does not understand not to corner the dog or pull on the dog or to leave him alone when he needs his rest- and the dog was nipping at her, everyone got scared. The dog is no means a "bad" dog or an out right mean dog, He just is an environmental dog (meaning to say he does not have the temperament for children and sadly other dogs but I am working on that one) I have been trying best to train him which is proving at times difficult due to his is about 5 and not a pup, he knows simple things but the role of the dominant leader he missed when being raised.... My Boyfriend and I are getting that done through not babying him and he is the dog not a child, meaning he has to be invited up on the couch or bed he just cant rule everything.He is good with food though- he understand to not just go at it and that I or my boyfriend release him to eat...
I keep getting told with in this year of having him he has calmed down a lot by their parents and I am trying now to train him to not bark and get so excited with other dogs that are strangers, I found the power of water for training.. He (the dog) did well with Puppies a week or so ago, when we had some to baby sit for a week.- I was very proud of him being so nice and accepting of them.
Sorry for rambling about the dog- IDK- To be honest when we first got him I was a little mad due to I felt as if I had no say in weather or not we took him in. I do this a lot which I need to stop- My Boyfriend will be asking me something and I figure he has already made up what we are doing, but he is asking not telling me.... I got messed up some where that I have choice in my up bringing.. (Lol)...

but I am glad we have the dog- the dog at times has been very good to have around.. He is there and he is "someone" I can talk to sometimes. I like cats, but my last cat ran off- the dog and him got a long so greatly and played but things happen. The dog will do I like him, better than other dogs cuz he does not slobber on me all the time :-)

I think it would be a good thing for you to have a dog if you wanted one. Animals are wonderful.

[mgran]

The housing officer, who I trust because I've known her a year now, and she's always been there for me, is very supportive. She told me that dog ownership can increase your chance of recovery from depression by ninety percent. Of course with psychotic illnesses there are other issues, but she was disappointed on my behalf, because she felt a dog would be very good for me, would get me out of the house at least twice a day, and would help to mitigate against depression. I still have a cat though.

Don't worry about rambling about your dog. Dog's are lovely creatures... and I do love to hear about them. (((hug)))