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  #726  
Old Jul 22, 2015, 06:38 PM
Anonymous37803
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i am not ****ing happy and i'm totally confused.
about everything. i just want to sleep.
i can feel the aggression festering up and bubbling over.
i just want to smash something. i'm barely eating and barely sleeping again.
if this is mania coming on, it is not the fun kind.
all i do is yell lately. i feel like i can't relax and i don't even know what that means, to relax. my head is yelling stuff i can't even decipher. i really want to take a **** ton of drugs and drown everything out and fade off and die. HAHAHA. ahhh. so yeah. i won't do that. that's immature and stupid. i just feel like complete crap and i'm confused as to why as a lot of things are going good in my life. maybe i'm trying to mess everything up cause i'm used to chaos. i don't know.
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  #727  
Old Jul 22, 2015, 07:59 PM
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Zeus123 Zeus123 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smilesandcries View Post
i am not ****ing happy and i'm totally confused.
about everything. i just want to sleep.
i can feel the aggression festering up and bubbling over.
i just want to smash something. i'm barely eating and barely sleeping again.
if this is mania coming on, it is not the fun kind.
all i do is yell lately. i feel like i can't relax and i don't even know what that means, to relax. my head is yelling stuff i can't even decipher. i really want to take a **** ton of drugs and drown everything out and fade off and die. HAHAHA. ahhh. so yeah. i won't do that. that's immature and stupid. i just feel like complete crap and i'm confused as to why as a lot of things are going good in my life. maybe i'm trying to mess everything up cause i'm used to chaos. i don't know.
I know the feeling. It too shall pass! Yell if you feel the need. Run, jump, punch a pillow let out all the extra negative energy...you'll feel better. Hope you find peace soon. Hugs!
  #728  
Old Jul 24, 2015, 03:39 AM
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dillpickle1983 dillpickle1983 is offline
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My father and sister are coming into town from Missouri later this afternoon. Causing anxiety to peak. I haven't seen my sister for 8 years because she is the wicked witch of the east....She tends to trigger symptoms even via email, so this actual in person meeting will be trying. Everything is poor me with her....

Anyways. Other than the anxiety all is well. I am a bit sad, I am letting go of my CDL-A today for a normal drivers license. Doesn't look like I will ever be a trucker again so no need for the CDL. Hope everyone has a decent weekend!!
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  #729  
Old Jul 28, 2015, 01:02 PM
Anonymous51078
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Sorry I haven't been on much lately. I'm back in IP.
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  #730  
Old Jul 28, 2015, 01:05 PM
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Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
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Originally Posted by Thehours View Post
Sorry I haven't been on much lately. I'm back in IP.
How are you doing? I hope everything's OK there.
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  #731  
Old Jul 28, 2015, 01:18 PM
Anonymous51078
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Originally Posted by Angelique67 View Post
How are you doing? I hope everything's OK there.
The hospital is fine. They're really trying to help, but I'm just feeling so hopeless and feeling like giving up. I think in some way that I have.
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  #732  
Old Jul 28, 2015, 01:37 PM
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Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
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Originally Posted by Thehours View Post
The hospital is fine. They're really trying to help, but I'm just feeling so hopeless and feeling like giving up. I think in some way that I have.
I hope it will get a lot better for you. I'm sorry to hear it's that bad.
  #733  
Old Jul 28, 2015, 02:44 PM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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TheHours



I'm going camping with a person from my group and a bunch of other people on Thursday. It is going to be so much fun being outside all day , having a bonfire, swimming. I haven't had fun in a long time
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Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #734  
Old Jul 30, 2015, 12:53 PM
Anonymous51078
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Thanks Angelique and Blue Bird.
I'm feeling better today than I have been in days. But I have given up. My grandmother and doctors are trying to convince me not too. I don't know what my life will look like now that I have given up. I don't know. I just feel like what's the point? I don't feel like I have anymore fight in me.
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  #735  
Old Jul 30, 2015, 01:01 PM
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Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thehours View Post
Thanks Angelique and Blue Bird.
I'm feeling better today than I have been in days. But I have given up. My grandmother and doctors are trying to convince me not too. I don't know what my life will look like now that I have given up. I don't know. I just feel like what's the point? I don't feel like I have anymore fight in me.
Are they trying any new meds? It can take awhile for them to kick in. Just take things hour by hour and rest. Hoping the best for you.
  #736  
Old Jul 30, 2015, 01:09 PM
Anonymous51078
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Originally Posted by Angelique67 View Post
Are they trying any new meds? It can take awhile for them to kick in. Just take things hour by hour and rest. Hoping the best for you.
They are. They have me taking Latuda now and off the Effexor and Abilify. It seems to be working. I can tell it's working at least a little. That's what they keep telling me. Just give it some time. The meds can take a while to be fully...sorry I lost my train of thought...my rude OT interrupted me haha! But yeah, I'm trying. Thanks so much. Hour by hour.
Thanks for this!
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  #737  
Old Jul 30, 2015, 01:14 PM
Anonymous51078
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Oh! My OT told me to put that haha! She's actually really cool.
Thanks for this!
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  #738  
Old Jul 30, 2015, 01:35 PM
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Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thehours View Post
Oh! My OT told me to put that haha! She's actually really cool.
That's great. They're right, just give it some time.
  #739  
Old Jul 30, 2015, 10:08 PM
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dillpickle1983 dillpickle1983 is offline
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I'm very angry on the inside and I have no clue why. I just feel this feeling like I'm going to explode at any moment. It's not a good feeling. I feel somewhat happy also at the same time. Its very confusing. Bert and Ernie (my voices) are telling me to do things not to hurt myself or anyone else, but things that are just off the wall crazy, like take a stroll through walmart in nothing but an adult diaper. I don't know what to think. I just took a seroquel hoping it kicks in and I can get some sleep. I haven't had a good nights sleep in a week.
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  #740  
Old Jul 30, 2015, 10:36 PM
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i'm pretty manic. i realized i need to do some self-inventory and really sit down and think about what i want/need out of life. i have chosen to be alone at this time to do these things to take care of myself. i am going to be donating a lot of my things. i don't like the way my house looks and so i am changing it. i want to be comfortable; not look around and get angry. i'm also getting my carpets cleaned and buying a bunch of crap, like bookshelves and such. HAHAHA mania, right? right. i noticed i'm like hanging on to things because i'm like "oh i can repair this" and it just sits there. so... i'm cutting that out too before i turn into a hoarder. christ. SMILEYS SELLING ALL HER CRAP AND MOVING TO CHINA. hahahaha jkjk. bleh. i'm going to be spending more time with my son as well. autumn is upon us, the leaves will be changing colors soon, time for me to change as well.

hours: dang girl, miss you. hope all is well, pm me anytime!!!!!!
  #741  
Old Jul 31, 2015, 01:29 PM
Anonymous51078
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Smiles! I know right! I miss you too...dang I really miss chat. I gotta get going so someone else can use the computer...dang! Oh well Talk soon.
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  #742  
Old Aug 02, 2015, 12:42 AM
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jaynedough jaynedough is offline
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Been getting physical therapy and being around people is flaring things up alot. I hate this.
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  #743  
Old Aug 02, 2015, 06:56 PM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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Location: Middle Earth
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I feel so damn anxious all the time. I need to get out of my own head. Maybe it's because I have too much time on my hands now and spend all of it worrying about everything. I'm trying, I'm really trying to relax. I don't want my meds to have to be adjusted, I am really going to try and work on my anxiety myself but if I really need an adjustment I have an appointment with my pdoc the week after next, I just need to keep that in mind.

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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #744  
Old Aug 03, 2015, 12:12 PM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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Having a peaceful day
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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avlady
Thanks for this!
Angelique67, jaynedough
  #745  
Old Aug 03, 2015, 07:11 PM
Anonymous51078
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I've made it through another IP stay and, now I'm back home.
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Thanks for this!
Angelique67, jaynedough
  #746  
Old Aug 03, 2015, 07:14 PM
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Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thehours View Post
I've made it through another IP stay and, now I'm back home.
Welcome back home, thehours!
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  #747  
Old Aug 03, 2015, 07:51 PM
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Zeus123 Zeus123 is offline
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Location: Chicago
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Originally Posted by Thehours View Post
I've made it through another IP stay and, now I'm back home.
Glad you made back ok! New Check-in SZA Thread.
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  #748  
Old Aug 03, 2015, 09:00 PM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 39,126
Welcome back!
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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #749  
Old Aug 04, 2015, 01:43 PM
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dillpickle1983 dillpickle1983 is offline
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Location: Warren, Pennsylvania
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I think I'm going to go to the Crisis Residential Unit and if they don't have beds, the ER. Still not feeling well. Don't want to hurt myself or others, just can't get the voices to stop screaming. I've tried everything short of doubling up on meds which won't help anyways. I want I really think the Abilify has quit working and all the Seroquel does is knock me out. Does nothing else. Zonegran is for mood and it seems to work I guess. Waiting on my roommate to get home and I will talk with him on what I should do.
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  #750  
Old Aug 04, 2015, 01:54 PM
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Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dillpickle1983 View Post
I think I'm going to go to the Crisis Residential Unit and if they don't have beds, the ER. Still not feeling well. Don't want to hurt myself or others, just can't get the voices to stop screaming. I've tried everything short of doubling up on meds which won't help anyways. I want I really think the Abilify has quit working and all the Seroquel does is knock me out. Does nothing else. Zonegran is for mood and it seems to work I guess. Waiting on my roommate to get home and I will talk with him on what I should do.
I hope you feel better soon.
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