[worthit]

I drove a friend to a workshop at my job today. We played bingo had a lecture and ate lunch. It's more comfortable because its at my job and all of the clients, for the most part, are people I know so that's not something that makes me anxious- too much. So it was a good day.

The shadows are thick today…..lack of sleep in full. 5 days..

[jaynedough]

((((((( ChaoticInsanity )))))))) Hope you get plenty of sleep tonight. Is there anything I can do?

[spincera]

Do voices get worse when your upset? I feel like there is someone inside my head telling me bad things. I want it to go away. How do you cope?

[jaynedough]

Yes, the voices get worse when I'm upset. Sometimes they're the source of my being upset, too. I don't handle it well.

Right now I'm dealing with some kind of stomach bug. Kind of afraid to take my meds b/c they knock me out and I'm not sure how out of it I want to be while I'm having these symptoms.

[Blue_Bird]

One week left of classes, then I get a week off and start my next 2. Doing very well mentally, working on making some changes to be healthier.

[worthit]

That's great, Blue Bird . Almost done with this section. Good job!

[spincera]

Good job with your classes Blue_Bird! It sounds like you are doing great! I am so happy for you.

[jaynedough]

Trying to get over a GI bug. Have been better today, but still weak. In the meantime, the snow continues to melt and b/c of where my parents built this house, all that runoff funnels straight into the garage. Now I have an ice slick in my garage that keeps getting bigger. That's my main exit, so I'm gonna have to clear the snow off the porch if I can't get the dog to "go" on the deck. It's really adding to my feelings of hopelessness.

My voices have been fairly minimal. Thought I'd end on a positive.

[jaynedough]

Happy Dr. Seuss Day!

[worthit]

Well, we got rid of the care service for my dad because he was trying to get rid of them every other day. It ended up with him going to the doctors by himself and them waiting for him by his house and he was a no show. We finally terminated the care service because he was so reluctant to use them. And now three days later he asked me to take him to the bank. What happened to the care service driving him places and helping me out? I'm not going to be the one to do all that again and take on the burden. I work 2 jobs even though its part time. It was a big help and a relief to me to have the service and now that he's done with it I've gotta jump back in again?

[jaynedough]

((((((( worthit )))))))
Much as I love and miss my parents, I used to get seriously stressed out as their sole caregiver. And they were pretty flexible. And more importantly, I wasn't holding down two jobs! I'm sorry the care service didn't work out.

[Blue_Bird]

It's a cold rainy day today, supposed to snow later. Doing better with the OCD since the Paxil increase, have also been eating healthy the past several days

I went to see my therapist today. Have you ever had someone say something that hits you like a ton of bricks and brings you crashing right back down to reality? Well that's what my T did for me today. However, I don't feel the anger that I was expecting to feel. I feel liberated. Maybe I was reaching for something that really was out of my reach. High apple pie in the sky hopes.

[spincera]

Not doing so well at the moment. I think I'm in psychosis because everything is hyperaccentuated, and I am hearing some pretty scary things in the wall in the kitchen. Hmmm. Cannot get a hold of my fiance or anyone else for that matter. Maybe it is supposed to be this way? I am supposed to be alone in my illness? Deep breaths, deep breaths. That is what I am going to do right now. I wish I knew what brings this on.

[worthit]

Originally Posted by spincera

Not doing so well at the moment. I think I'm in psychosis because everything is hyperaccentuated, and I am hearing some pretty scary things in the wall in the kitchen. Hmmm. Cannot get a hold of my fiance or anyone else for that matter. Maybe it is supposed to be this way? I am supposed to be alone in my illness? Deep breaths, deep breaths. That is what I am going to do right now. I wish I knew what brings this on.

Well, you're doing illness recognition by understanding it's your illness. And reaching out is a big help, even though no one's there. There's a mental health line through NAMI for support 800 854-7771. Try that..

[worthit]

And, we're here

[avlady]

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!

[spincera]

Today is a much better day. The on call pdoc told me to go back up on my Abilify. See my regular pdoc told me to lower that by 5 mgs and I did on Tuesday, and I ended up in a very scary place yesterday. So, I took my night meds early and took my regular dose of Abilify and am better today. I'm also fighting the extreme daytime sleepiness and sinus issues. I think my pdoc needs to either leave me on both the APs or increase the Geodon before lowering the Abilify. I am also going to see a doc at the University to see what they want to do with my treatment. It is what my regular pdoc suggested. I don't think the place that I go to has ever dealt with sz or sza. It seems like that anyway. She even told me that the University is better equipped with dealing with my illness.
Oh and the nurse practitioner that I seen was a lady that I had seen about 10 years ago who said some very bad things to me. I had thought she looked familiar. Now I know that I do not want to see her.
On a different note, I am neither depressed nor manic. I am actually content moodwise at the moment. I do have a headache, so I'm hurting, but I can deal with that much better than the other things that have been going on. So, I'm going to do the Toyota Jump!! Yippee!!
I hope everyone else is well.

[worthit]

Leaving in an hour for my daughter's baby shower 3 hours away. I don't like driving because I get paranoid and fearful and phobic. So that's going to be a challenge in itself. And then there's going to be the shower which will be people and family on my son in law's side. That makes me very anxious just thinking about it. So it's going to be a very stressful day. But I have support from two support groups and you guys and I know I'll make it through. Maybe with a klonopin?

[Blue_Bird]

Doing well, having fun living life

[newtus]

are you better now spincera?

Well, due to some complications I won't have anymore abilify until (hopefully) some time next week. I'm freaking out about it. I hope that I don't start to have any withdrawal symptoms. I hope that I don't start getting bad psychosis again. Really hope I don't end up in the hospital while I'm waiting to see if I qualify for an exception. I'm also really hoping that I qualify for that exception. Gee, that's a lot of hoping haha. I'm just hoping all over the place. Turns out all of this could have been taken care of way before now and this wouldn't have been an issue. Oh well, here I am and here's hoping.

[spincera]

Originally Posted by newtus

are you better now spincera?

Thank you for asking Newtus. I am better today. I will see my pdoc on Tuesday.

I had an episode last night. I almost completely freaked out at the grocery store with my fiance. I didn't though which would have been embarrassing after the fact. The strange thing is that when things start getting intense with the hallucinations and delusions, my fiance seems like the enemy. He does not want to admit that I have a problem, and becomes very cold when I am experiencing intense hallucinations. He seems to be caring and understanding when it comes to my depression, but when it comes to the new sza diagnosis, he does not understand and is almost mean about it. It feels to me like he is in denial. I had thought I could tell him anything, but now I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut and try to hide what is happening to me, which is not easy.

[worthit]

Originally Posted by Thehours

Well, due to some complications I won't have anymore abilify until (hopefully) some time next week. I'm freaking out about it. I hope that I don't start to have any withdrawal symptoms. I hope that I don't start getting bad psychosis again. Really hope I don't end up in the hospital while I'm waiting to see if I qualify for an exception. I'm also really hoping that I qualify for that exception. Gee, that's a lot of hoping haha. I'm just hoping all over the place. Turns out all of this could have been taken care of way before now and this wouldn't have been an issue. Oh well, here I am and here's hoping.

My pdoc ok'd the special circumstances within 1 day, so, hopefully it won't be long enough for psychosis to sneak in.