[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

And seriously, where do these people who work in a hospital get their training? I was in the psych ER the other day and this woman stared at me with her mouth open like "wtf" as if she's thinking she's really crazy and/or stupid (about me), that's how it made me feel.

The people who work in some ERs are horrible. I was ridiculed and humiliated by a nurse last time I was in one. They are brainless and heartless, some of them. I'm sorry you're going through so much, Blue_Bird. I hope your mom will be a lot better as soon as possible.

[jaynedough]

Blue_Bird this is such a stressful time for you. Maybe it would be good to stay on the meds at least until things calm down?

Angelique: I've been wondering where you've been. How's life?

I'm in a seriously dark place right now. Really depressed.

Possible trigger:

Really just want to end it all. Tired of trying.

[ladisputelover]

Everything kind of suck atm.
Had a horrible hallucination last night. I looked up and there was fire everywhere. I could feel the heat and smell it. I called for my mom but no one heard me. The smoke mad eme choke and then I blinked and it was like nothing happened.
It was so real. I just....
I don't even know if I have sza or not.
Nobody will give me a solid diagnoses. my pdoc says "its possible" but I want to know, damnit!

I hate everything.

Possible trigger:

I want to die.

[Blue_Bird]

Thanks jayne, I am going to stay on my medicine. I discussed getting off of it with my pdoc today....well I kind of demanded to get off everything and that didn't go over well, so now I'm taking everything except one med that I truly don't need right now.

[jaynedough]

Really struggling. The depression is just getting worse and worse and it's flaring some of my other symptoms.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by jaynedough

Really struggling. The depression is just getting worse and worse and it's flaring some of my other symptoms.

I'm sorry it's going so rough. I wish I could help. I'm not doing too well myself, although I mostly have stopped smoking finally, and my stamina has begun improving just slightly. That's one good thing but everything else is awful. I still have no energy (and my awful back pain) to try to start cleaning here. I just can't do anything. And there's no way I can hire help. It's like slowly dying in a rat's nest here. Just horrible. I have horrible anxiety and if not that, then awful depression. I don't know what's going to become of me.

[jaynedough]

Angelique,
Congratulations on the quitting smoking. It's not easy. It does get easier and eventually, easy. At least it did for me and I hope it does for you, too. I learned that the cigarettes lied to me. They said that I couldn't live without them, that they were my only friends, that I needed them to stay calm. Lies. What do your cigarettes "say" to you? (I *do* know that they weren't actually talking to me )

I'm sorry you're having so many issues going on, too.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by curlyq

Hi Slim,
Thanks for the reply. Actually this neighborhood is probably the one that Jerry Springer gets his guests from! No offense to Jerry. Someone else who lived in this neighborhood and moved told me that. I thought it was funny. I think I have been very unlucky except years ago I had one good place for about 3 years and then some trouble makers moved in. So, I moved and have not had a really good place in years. I want to move and am saving up the money now. I'm not even working at the moment so this move will be a difficult one to make. Hard times.

Welcome to the forum and thanks-I appreciate your concern. Seems to me that neighbors and drivers don't seem to be as considerate as in years gone by. I try to set a better example and be a nice neighbor and driver. But sometimes when I'm nice, it seems that some folks thinks that means I have a "kick me" sign on my back. You're right, it is THEIR problem. CQ

They say I'll never truly be quit. I replaced smoking with vaping so now I'm a beginning vaper. There's no way I could have quit without vaping. It's a lifesaver, but soon may be regulated away from my reach and I'll be back on tobacco again. Really don't want that to happen. Congrats to you for your success too, Jayne. It's a miracle to get off them without vaping. Bless you for thinking of me.

ETA: oops, Tapatalk did that thing, quoting the wrong text instead of what I selected. Sorry about that.

[jaynedough]

Thanx for adding that last part, Angelique. I was like, "Hmmm. What? Where was that post? How'd I miss that?" I didn't even know you can cross - forum quote.

[kimical]

I miss my sister so much, we've never been apart this long. She starts basic training for the Air Force tomorrow.

I'm on four medications I believe. My psychiatrist says I'm on too much but I feel fine, I don't know what will happen if she changes things.

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[Shmooey]

kimical, I'm sorry you have to be apart from your sister.

My old pdoc had me on seven psych meds, it was crazy. When I went to my new better pdoc, she got me down to the four I'm on now and said that two of my former ones were actually working against each other. The importance of a good pdoc!

I don't think four is too many, I need all four of mine too.

[worthit]

I left a message asking my pdoc for another medication. He just took me off topamax and that was a hard adjustment because I went manic. And then I had trouble with OCD experiences and a flash that kept happening while I was trying to take care of my newborn grandson. It was frightening and terrifying and I hope that I never have that again. I hope my Pdoc prescribes something else besides just Latuda.

[falcon09]

At the psychiatrists office

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[jaynedough]

Worthit, That must've been so scary having all that going on when you were bonding with your grandchild. Stupid illness. Hopefully your PDoc will give you something that'll help.

Falcon09, Hope your appointment went well.

Had my T appointment last night. Definition of a good T: You tell him your dog threw up that morning and he says it's OK, bring her down anyway. The appointment went better than I thought it would. I've been so depressed, but I didn't think my T knew how bad it was. Turned out he did. And the dog did NOT get sick there.

[dillpickle1983]

Doing well overall.

[ladisputelover]

Doing horribly. Having a family session tomorrow and seeing pdoc so yeah.

[jaynedough]

In that black, howling maelstrom again.

Possible trigger:

I don't want to live anymore. It hurts to be alive.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to lose everything. I'm tired of feeling like I can't trust people. Tired of being overwhelmed.

Possible trigger:

I can't take this anymore. I just want it over.

[dillpickle1983]

Actually still doing ok. I'm surprised lol. All is well in my neighborhood.

[worthit]

Originally Posted by jaynedough

In that black, howling maelstrom again.

Possible trigger:

I don't want to live anymore. It hurts to be alive.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to lose everything. I'm tired of feeling like I can't trust people. Tired of being overwhelmed.

Possible trigger:

I can't take this anymore. I just want it over.

Try to keep in your mind that you've been here before, right? And that in a little while, hopefully, this down swing will be over. It's the illness.

[Shmooey]

Originally Posted by jaynedough

In that black, howling maelstrom again.

Possible trigger:

I don't want to live anymore. It hurts to be alive.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to lose everything. I'm tired of feeling like I can't trust people. Tired of being overwhelmed.

Possible trigger:

I can't take this anymore. I just want it over.

Me too. On the good side, my short term disability was just extended to May 20 (thank God). On the bad side, I'm so overwhelmed by life, even just sitting on the bed doing nothing. I'm tired of it all.

I'm also dealing with feeling like I am losing everything. We've been hemorraging money lately, seems like everyone wants extra and I can't really afford my pdoc and therapist unless I hit savings again but I can't afford not to see them either while I am on documented short term disability.

This illness is wearing me down, one day at a time. *sigh*

[kimical]

I start cognitive behavioral therapy tomorrow for the first time ever. I don't really know what to expect. Also, I get my first maintenance dose of Invega sustenna on Monday.

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[worthit]

Originally Posted by kimical

I start cognitive behavioral therapy tomorrow for the first time ever. I don't really know what to expect. Also, I get my first maintenance dose of Invega sustenna on Monday.

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Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me a lot to understand how I think and change my thought patterns. It worked a lot for my impulsive thoughts which I thought could never be changed. Its helped me a lot, good luck.

[avlady]

i myself a few weeks ago tried going off my meds and had terrible reaction and went back on them. it made me realise i do need them to be stable. i just didn't know i was stable because they were working. i hope you feel better!!!

[worthit]

Originally Posted by avlady

i myself a few weeks ago tried going off my meds and had terrible reaction and went back on them. it made me realise i do need them to be stable. i just didn't know i was stable because they were working. i hope you feel better!!!

I feel the same way. Every once in awhile I think I need to go off my meds because I'm doing so well. But it doesn't occur to me I'm doing well because of the medication. & I need to stay on. That's what got me in trouble in the first place, not being on my meds.

[Blue_Bird]

Its a beautiful sunny day here with a cool breeze, spent the day out shopping with my mom then got Chinese food. Feeling great