[SlumberKitty]

I think I am starting to unravel....

[Deilla]

I had a good day. I stayed busy with chores, cooking, a drive and games.

[bpforever1]

I could not be better! Busier than a bumblebee, I feel grateful for my life and what I have. Still compliant, I am stable! Please don't give up! Life is sometimes a roller coaster ride. I encourage those to keep going forward despite setbacks and obstacles. I know depression, psychosis, mania are not easy to deal with. But, we must not think these episodes define us or our lives. Please persist!! Remember no matter how hard it becomes, we should think of better days ahead. Please don't dwell on the negative. I love you all!! It breaks my heart when I read that some of you are suffering. I've been there so don't give up- sleep it off and take it easy. Please take it one day at a time. Hugs to you all!!

[Deilla]

Today wasn't too bad. I had a stressful moment this morning. But it worked out. I played my game and took breaks to do chores. I accomplished a lot. I even got ready for my appointment tomorrow. That way, I just put on clean clothes and go. I will try to relax tonight. I want to do a mindfulness meditation. It's my favorite one.

[MuddyBoots]

It's injection day. I hope it kicks in fast because the last one wore out and I'm relying on PRN Thorazine to get through the day. I'm supposed to stop taking the paliperidone pills today and switch to just the injection. I'm scared I'm going to have a bad reaction to the higher dose and I'm going to need to go back to the hospital again.

[Deilla]

I'm nervous about my appointment today. I leave in a couple of hours. I had to go through my morning routine and finish getting dressed. It stressed me out. I just want this over with. It's a dental appointment. So I'm not too happy about that. Hopefully, it goes well.

[Breaking Dawn]

I accomplished an importatnt goal yesterday.

[MuddyBoots]

I got scarily paranoid last night. I thought my neighbors were

Possible trigger:

abusing my cat and spying on me via hidden cameras. I wanted to show up to their house with a baseball bat and see how they liked it

Instead I just walked by to prove myself right and when I was back my cat was fine so I recognized it as paranoia and took some thorazine which helped a ton. It's been a few days since my injection; it should be working by now I would think, but I think I'm hallucinating too, but I can't really tell but I saw the biggest worms ever this morning.

[251turnaround]

I've recently had my diagnosis switched to this. I'm having a hard time believing it, but I also know that many of the things I experience aren't quite normal. I went back on my antipsychotic a week ago but I don't know how much it's helping right now. I feel good but there's a lot of weird stuff going on and none of my usual triggers are sending my mood down at all. It's like my brain is keeping me from feeling low which most people would say is a good thing but I really don't want to cycle up into mania again. I feel like I have good insight but my brain gets better at tricking me and the fiction/reality line seems a bit blurry because of how it feels like things are lining up in a way that has me on edge. Random sounds to me will be interpreted as they said my name. I'd see people on the side of the highway running only they were made of their surroundings like an event horizon of a black hole curving light. It's not easy to describe but seemed kind of off.

I mean I feel normal right now? I still think I'm hearing my name and seeing words/messages appear on my hand but at what degree is this kind of stuff acceptable?

[Deilla]

I can't find a therapist. I guess everyone with Covid issues is in therapy. I called around town and no one's accepting new patients. It feels strange having no therapist. I've been journaling. And I'm making sure to be more active on here. It's going to be a challenge. Maybe in a few more months, I could get another therapist. Other than that, I am doing okay. I'm keeping myself busy with games and chores.

[Breaking Dawn]

Kind of rough these days.

[Deilla]

Today's been pretty good. I've been watching Twitch.tv and playing my game. I won some armor and weapon skins, so I'm happy about that.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Today's been pretty good. I've been watching Twitch.tv and playing my game. I won some armor and weapon skins, so I'm happy about that.

I'm so glad for you, Deilla!

[Deilla]

I'm tired this morning. I need sleep but I keep waking up. I wake up and feel on top of the world and then a few minutes later, I'm ready to go back to bed. I think I will try a meditation and completely relax.

[Deilla]

It's late and I'm starting to feel sad. I feel lonely. My sister lied to me today. She has stage 4 cancer and I was only trying to show support. She was rude. It hurts. I tried to get over it. She's currently in the hospital. I was just worried about her. I will be careful not to bother her. I suppose my mom will keep me posted.

[Deilla]

I'm doing better this morning. I got some sleep last night and at the moment, I'm waiting on groceries to arrive. Food always makes me happy. I got some healthy things. I've been losing weight. So far I've lost 41 pounds. I'm really excited about that.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm concerned I'm getting hypomanic. I can fall asleep fine but then I wake up three hours later full of energy and do HIIT like an hour a day and go for runs and I'm so amazed by the beauty of the sun and I see a lot of the sun in myself and a lot of myself in the sun. I feel speedy. Euphoric yet agitated and irritable at the same time somehow. Short spurts of severe paranoia too but that has held true since May.

[Breaking Dawn]

New things seem to be developing in my psyche.

[Deilla]

I'm having a hard time sleeping. I've been working with my new therapist. We've been discussing my mother. For some reason talking about her has triggered me. I feel very sad. And scared. My mom causes me a lot of pain. Lately, I have been putting some distance between us. I think I want to stop all communication. My mother just isn't nice to me. I have been vape-free for a month. My mom is not happy for me. She actually told me that I've started vaping again before. That is just not supportive. It's hateful.

[Bola123]

Hi everyone, I have not yet been diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder but I see it coming. First I was misdiagnosed with depression anxiety and ptsd, then bipolar. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 with psychosis but non of the medications were working. So I got a new psychiatrist that telling me that I might have schizophrenia, but now they are saying it might be both schizophrenia and bipolar. I am really confused and lost, I don’t know who to talk to outside of my doctors. My families barely just accepted the fact I have bipolar and we are just getting ourselves to understand it.

[Breaking Dawn]

Hi, @Bola123! Thank you for joining us here at the forums. I feel like I can identify with most of what you posted here. I wish you a lot of wonderful luck while you explore MSF. It continues to help me.

[SlumberKitty]

Hi @Bola123 my diagnosis changed over the years also until it finally settled on schizoaffective disorder depressed type ADHD and GAD. That's where it stands now. It's hard to wrap our heads around diagnosis and stuff sometimes but it can either be a relief or a stressor. Hopefully it is a relief for you.

[Victoria'smom]

@Bola123 Hi it took years for me to get the right diagnosis Schizoaffective: Bipolar type. My family doesn't accept it. My husband and son do accept it but it has been a topic that I don't talk about to my family. I'm the stable one in their minds. I rely on this forum to understand. It's hard even for my therapist and dr to understand sometimes.

[Deilla]

I slept all day today. And I felt depressed. I didn't want to do anything. It's 5 pm now and I'm just starting to feel a bit better. Hopefully, I will sleep tonight.

[Deilla]

I've been ill the past few days. I'm going for a Covid test tomorrow morning. It will be a few days before I get the results. I'm just drinking Theraflu and trying to rest. I am doing some chores when I feel better.