do i scare you?

do i scare you by the things i reveal about the goings on inside my mind?
do you keep your distance because of lack of understanding or cuz of fear?
why does society so strongly fear psychosis?
rooted in the media? exaccerbated by hollywood movies?
we are not murders, just read the statistics.
our paranoia and fear of persecution keeps us isolated and alone.

only scarey to the extent it makes us relate- reminds us of the edge
the mentally ill and psychotic are more likely and more often the VICTIM of crime than the perpetrator- unlike the TV shows and big news stories
i been there- i joined a group that helps educate police in how to and how not to approach an ill person because we have been scared being approached by law enforcement who think we're up to something and acting suspiscious

I will be honest...in the beginning, I was unsure. Mainly because:
1. I don't know how to help you
and
2. I don't know if something I will/would say will upset you.

Scared? No. Uncomfortable? Maybe(?) It just took me a while to learn how to interact with you, CCL. You're not bad or scary. You're a person trying to make sense of something that a lot of times is senseless. You're not the only one here. I wish you only good things.

I think movies and television have contributed to the "fear" that some people feel around people who experience psychosis. Different is good...but it's not always easy or accepted.

i stopped watching tv for the most part... i only watch maybe 1 hour each week... cuz the media is full of propaganda, alterior motives, hype and brainwashing.
they only let you see what they want you to see and its designed to hypnotize and convince.

but i wont go into that conspiracy theory.... im trying to really be a person people can talk to.....
i change though. the paranoia takes over and i start to feel unwanted or hated or just unwelcome... less that human... unworthy.

i wish someone COULD help me....
i realize whats happening, i just dont want to believe it. its too heartbreaking.... the fact that this is progressing.
i have auditory hallucinations often..... sometimes i believe they are real. and its this self doubt and internal fight with myself that tells me "jen these things are not real" and so i cant even trust myself because i may have been brainwashed by the government to say that to myself.
cuz honestly.... i think it IS real. i think ive tapped into an extra sense. i know the shadow girl i locked away in my painting is suffocating in the paint and now i dont know how to let her back out. i feeel ive committed some kind of murder....

i talk incoherent sometimes. i have to keep pausing and backspacing cuz the subject changes on me.
"i just dont know what to do with myself"
and work is harrassing me and i think thats quite unfair....
i just have too much confusion to construct a defense against it and to formulate a strategy... so i have to let my union take the torch from my hand and i hope they dont drop it on my gasoline covered feet and put me in flames.

um.... i went way off the subject.
just wanna say... dont be scared....
im just a person
a person who just needs people.

I agree, the t.v. is 95% negative (sensationalistic, materialistic, etc) Interestingly, it has been shown that the brain has more electric activity while a person is sleeping than watching t.v.

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Interestingly, it has been shown that the brain has more electric activity while a person is sleeping than watching t.v.

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OK, now that IS scary.

CCL, I've been reading your thread in the med forum. I hope you can get your med situation worked out. It sounds like something you're really trying hard to do. I only get paranoid about on person in my life, and that's hard enough to deal with and tell myself I'm probably imagining things. I couldn't sleep for about a week, thinking him or his g/f were going to drive past my house and fire bomb it or something.

(((((((((((((((((((CCL)))))))))))))))))))))

I dont believe I am scared of you. I just dont understand and its not that I dont care to. I dont know how to approach you because I dont want you to feel uncomfortable. I think it is great that you are working on the med thing right now and that shows that you want to feel better. I commend you. If there is anything I can ever do, please do not hesitate to ask. Take care CCL.

((((((((((CCL)))))))))))

You don't scare me at all. But you were pretty rude to me a few months ago so I don't reply to most of your posts now.

well, im certainly not afraid of you, as i have very similar things going on.
but to answer your question about society, i have not completly figured it out yet--most of these humans around us are either oblivious and retarded, or they really DO know the truth, but are leading us to believe that we are crazy because they dont want us to "know too much" the government is behind it all. I think the government knows everything, but they are turning the average folk into oblivious robots, but they have not been able to do it to the so-called schizophrenics.
Then again, maybe EVERYONE knows the truth and everyone is watching me--like that movie "The Truman Show" maybe this whole "world" is just a stage, a fake illusion i am living in.
Anyways, if people want to be afraid of me, GOOD! because it's really a complement to me...i am different,.so much that they are afraid. AND, it keeps people far away from me, which is good. I hate humans

Lately, i just feel like everything is a dream--everythings fake, and everyone is trying to decieve me and trick me.

eh, im done ranting

-Becka

is it a kind of dream
floating out on the tide
following the river of death downstream
oh is it a dream

-"Bright Eyes" from Watership Down

It would be nice if people would walk around with a sign hi my name is and these are my problems. People don't flock around cause all people have some sort of problem. Some people can be problems but most people have problems and most don't relies that they create problems. It's not you it's me, really makes good sense. It's not that you have an illness It's just that I too have an illness. I can't be of help to you I have to learn how to help myself. Don't take offense if people run away. That's just a security method to avoid creating a problems.

bump