College

KUREHA · Jan 04, 2012, 05:25 AM

I tried to get there - I walked half way there and had to come back home.

My psychologist spent a lot of time talking about it yesterday, but I still couldn't do it, was so hard yesterday as well.

I emailed the teacher to say I was ill - so I don't know if I'll be able to start next week.

It looks like I'm going to need my medication to do anything. I never used to need medication, sprays or my knife - I just needed myself.

My mam is just making me feel like a failure - It's not like I asked for this.

There is so much going through my head - I'm just trying to keep control of it all.

costello · Jan 04, 2012, 12:18 PM

Good luck getting to class next time, Kureha. I'm sorry your mom is making you feel bad.

Shoe · Jan 04, 2012, 12:36 PM

Hang in there KUREHA. I had a terribly rough ride when I was in my 20's, but I came through it when I hit 30-31. Reflecting back, I feel like there were times when I was in my 20's when I did need to take medication for periods of times. It may help you weather the present storm so that you can keep communicating with your therapist or councilor. Talk therapy maybe the ultimate cure.

mgran · Jan 05, 2012, 02:51 PM

I used to feel very unhappy about my relationship with my father too, it made me so sad to see him disappointed when I couldn't live up to what I thought were his expectations.

But in the end, what others think of us, even our family, doesn't really matter. You do the best you can. It's all anyone can expect. And some days your best is better than other days. Some days your best is just getting out of bed and cleaning your teeth. Other days it's getting to college and keeping on top of your homework.

It will balance out. And your Mom doesn't mean to make you unhappy, she just worries. Don't feel bad about it, part of growing up is allowing our relationships with parents to change. You'll be okay, I'm sure of it. You're someone who thinks about her experience, who records it faithfully and accurately, who keeps on trying. You will be okay.

KUREHA · Jan 06, 2012, 09:07 AM

I'm going to try and go next week - it's just hard with the things that are happening, so I was hoping the medication will help.

Like Gerard says - No matter how bad it gets - Don't give up.

So I'm not yet, but next week will be pretty much the last time, if I miss that - I'll probably have to quit - I'm working on it with my psychologist - but it's so hard. She said it doesn't matter if people are talking about me or laughing at me - it does bother me though.

KUREHA · Jan 10, 2012, 09:10 AM

That week went so fast.

I don't want to go - but I'm all ready to, we spent an hour talking about it.

I'm not allowed to tell her other stuff, so I'll keep it to myself. I'd rather not tell the CMHT anything at all or I'll spend the rest of my life in and out of hospital.

costello · Jan 10, 2012, 10:30 AM

Good luck, Kureha.

KUREHA · Jan 10, 2012, 11:22 AM

Thanks

I'm using quotes to get there - just hope I can.

I'm just worried they'll try to provoke me - I can't always keep control. That doesn't matter though if it happens - I'll just deal with it.

costello · Jan 10, 2012, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KUREHA

I'm using quotes to get there - just hope I can.

Quotes?

KUREHA · Jan 11, 2012, 06:44 AM

Gerard the frontman of my favourite band - has a lot of good quotes, my psychologist said if I keep thinking like that on my way there - it shoud help.

I did get there and stayed for a bit - then I got too anxious and had to go. I forgot to take half my medication as well.

I think I can go next week though.

My medication isnt working yet though.

Then I got followed by the police - I'm going to call them tomorrow and tell them to quit doing it and few other things, because I know what they are doing.

costello · Jan 11, 2012, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Gerard the frontman of my favourite band - has a lot of good quotes, my psychologist said if I keep thinking like that on my way there - it shoud help.

Ah, brilliant! I love quotes too. I think they're very useful if you have them memorized and can bring them into your mind at the right moment. They can help overcome the habit energy that keeps you locked in negative patterns.

Congrats on getting to class!

KUREHA · Jan 11, 2012, 11:34 AM

My pychologist said to print what I have to do for her and bring it with me and keep 1 at home, so it's always there with me.

College was hard - was really anxious, going to have to start going all day though.

Get to talk to the nurse this week though and the student counsellor, there are things I want to talk about, just rather it was with my psychologist.

mgran · Jan 11, 2012, 03:36 PM

Well done on getting in!

KUREHA · Jan 12, 2012, 05:44 AM

Thanks

I called the police - it didn't help. They came out when my nurses were here, the nurse he sorted it out.

Then they were asking why I didn't tell them - it just wasn't important to tell them. I don't have anyone to talk to about things through the week though - so I just do what I think is best.
I'm not seeing the psychiatrist either - even though my meds aren't working.

They are worried about me taking a knife out as well - but better safe than sorry.