Illness making you a bad person?

I used to be a good guy before I got ill. But now I'm a angry, sometimes depressed schizophrenic. I'm sort of a bad guy. But back in the day I was a really good guy. Wadda think?

At least I was capable of doing good back then...

I think you're still capable of doing good right now, RER. You do good here. You offer advice and comfort to people who are suffering. It's very much appreciated.

You're about 18, aren't you? In my experience it isn't uncommon for teenagers to be angry or depressed. Could be you'll outgrow it. Time is an amazing thing.

i cant speak for you, personally.
but i used to be an extremely modest, lenient and kind person.
up until this past summer of '11. not only have i become opposite
but i have been very aggressive to the point of my fear of myself
never ever ever been aggressive in my ENTIRE LIFE. ever.
i am scared and i am NOT proud, but my aggression is so impulsive.

dont know dont know dont know

I don't know... I have to fight a very bad temper. My mother was one of the nicest people on the planet, but when she became symptomatic she could be very cruel. Sorry... I have no idea.

We've had some decent discussions in the months we've both been here. Maybe I've just never seen your "bad" side.

I've seen you sad about stuff, but when we've talked I've liked you & enjoyed our conversations. IDK.

Take best care of you. Might well just be the age you're going through. The whole world sucks then & you just have to drag your way through it. At least I did. No other way.

Roadrunner

Anger is an emotion that fascinates me and that I've thought a great deal about, because I've had to fight a very bad temper too. And I don't have a mental illness.

From the time I was a teen until about 4 years ago or so, I had a terrible temper. And I was a screamer. I come from a family of yellers, and they were all afraid of me and my temper. I was the hottest of the hotheads. And, trust me, I felt very out of control. I spent many years feeling ashamed of myself after one temper tantrum or another, promising never again.

Eventually I did get it under control. Maybe I never would have if I'd been labelled mentally ill? Probably my temper would have been considered a "symptom" of my "illness," and I would have been encouraged to take a medication to control it.

My son feels like my unpredictable (to him) outbursts and rages when he was small is what caused his current mental problems. (Yes, it was that bad.) He acknowledges that I've licked that problem. And I'm a living example for him that a bad temper can be transformed.

My first words of advice to RER: Stop calling yourself names. You're not a "bad person." People with anger problems aren't bad people; they're people who haven't yet learned to handle their difficult emotions skillfully. You can learn that. And I don't say that because I read it somewhere. I say it because I've done it. If I can, so can anyone.

I think this is a good brief introduction to what's basically my view of anger. Don't agree with it all, but in general it's good stuff. I've highlighted things that seem extremely important to me. I've excerpted it.


http://www.psychologytoday.com/artic...downside-anger

Costello's "anger management" (actually anger transformation) tips:

Don't act the anger out and don't repress it. Hold it in non-judgmental awareness. Know that you're feeling angry. Notice how it feels in your body and what kind of thoughts it provokes. Maybe you can say to yourself, "I'm feeling anger right now." Maybe you can say it to someone else. Thich Nhat Hanh suggests that breathing in you think, "I know that I'm angry now," and breathing out you smile to your anger, "Hello, my old friend."

To do step one, you may have to take a step back and learn to be mindful. I found that when I started trying to transform my anger, I wouldn't catch myself until I was in full rage mode - or even after the "storm" had passed. Then I'd remember, "Oh, yeah. I was going to work on this, and that was a perfect opportunity I missed there!" A good trick is to think of some common occurrence in your life that irritates you. It should be something that causes mild irritation, not rage. For me it was people who cut me off in traffic, and people in front of me in line at the grocery store who are going really slow - paying with change or chatting for a long time with the clerk after their transaction is finished. Then I used that as the "bell of mindfulness" to remind me to practice being aware - just experiencing what anger feels like.

Look under the anger. When I started this, I specifically looked for fear. When I started to feel angry, I'd ask myself, "What am I afraid of here?" I actually learned some surprising things. For example, I thought that maybe I was angry about the other drivers or customers making me late or slowing me down. But when I looked deeper, I realized that it was more fundamental. My basic fear was that my needs weren't going to be met, that by cutting me off, they were sending the message that I wasn't important. (Silly, I know, but the roots of these powerful emotions can be very irrational.)

Besides fear, often anger masks other forms of emotional pain like shame, sadness, or despair. But you'll never see it if you don't look more deeply. And you won't be able to look deeply if you're acting out or repressing. Both acting out and repressing make anger grow. Shining gentle, open, curious mindfulness onto it lessens its power. Eventually the block of pain will begin to loosen its grip on you. When it does, it doesn't go away. It's transformed. Thich Nhat Hahn compares it to compost. It breaks down and it nourishes wholesome emotions like compassion. It will feed your compassion for yourself and for others who are suffering the same way you are.

You don't have to actively fix the problem. Honestly. Just don't push it away by repressing it, and don't latch onto it by acting it out. Just experience it in a kind way. Know that it's there and that it won't destroy you. Let it wash over you and let it go. Take good care of your anger. Thich Nhat Hahn again: he compares it to a mother with her crying baby. She picks the baby up to calm it. Then when it's calmer she looks more closely to see the cause.

Interesting factoid from Jill Bolte Taylor's My Stroke of Insight: The biochemical part of anger passes in 90 seconds. If you wait 90 seconds the angry hormones will pass. Just avoid feeding the anger by thinking the angry thoughts that keep your body releasing more and more of the hormones.

Breathe.

Take care of yourself physically. I had two problems which made it more difficult for me to maintain my temper on an even-keel. I had insomnia from childhood, so I was chronically sleep-deprived. And my blood sugar was poorly controlled. A low-carb diet fixed both problems.

Remember it takes practice. You'll have to do this over and over to get good at it.

Ok, one more, then I'll stop.

Eight attitudes of mindfulness. Try to approach your mindfulness of your anger with these.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...f-mindfulness/

Thanks Costello. Those were very interesting.

Thank you Costello...