Roll call

I see. I should have realized that. When I'm feeling out of sorts with the world I'm usually angry. I have to be careful not to "share."

Maybe your fear would lessen over the long run if you gradually exposed yourself to fearful situations? Scary things get less scary once they become more familiar.

ugh f.

can anyone tell me whats the diff between cmh & private?
i have an appt there now!
im really scared. there gonna do a new eval?.
idk whats gonna happen.
im so scared....

anyone?

i f'ng kill everything

You have an appointment at the mhc?

I base this on what I know of the mental health centers here: One huge difference is that the mhc will take you regardless of your ability to pay I think. They can also provide you with a case manager - which I think you really need. The case manager can help you access services in the community.

The case manager isn't a therapist but I think the relationship you can develop there may be very therapeutic. It was for my son IMO. My son met with his case manager more often that the therapists or pdocs. The meetings were more relaxed - often in the community rather than an office. She went with him to the Social Security office and the bank, for example - just to help him deal with some situations that might have been too much for him alone at that time. A case manager can be a great ally - very accepting and knowledgable about negotiating the system.

lol... You do not kill everything. You're a funny, sweet, imaginative person, and I enjoy talking with you. I'm sure everyone here feels the same way.

I know you're scared. I'm always scared every time I do anything new. Seriously - always. I love the familiar, even when the familiar sucks. And I hate the new, even when it promises to be kind of nice.

The secret is to do it anyway.

Do you know if your state employs any peer specialists or peer mentors? If you get a case manager, they can answer this for you. Peer specialists are people who have also been diagnosed with mental illness and work in the mental health community. My state has them and it's nice to get to work with someone who actually knows what it's like from my perspective a little better.

yes. im scared.
im really scared.
idk what to expect.
im really scared.

When's the appointment?

Here, the first appointment is always an intake. They just ask a bunch of questions to find out why you're there and what your goals are.

friday.
what if i have no goals?
what types?
what questions?

are they going to ask about my voices?
should i lie about that?

Hmmm... trying to remember. It's been a while since the last time. My recollection is that they gave him a form to fill out which had specific questions like about sleep and moods and so on. Then he met with someone. I didn't go into the meeting with him that last time. I went the time before, though, in Missouri. It was so long ago. I remember them asking about drug use and what kinds of activities he likes to do for relaxation. They also gave him a run down of the kinds of services they had available.

I don't think the questions will be hard. They'll just be a way of getting to know you.

They might. You can lie if you want to, but I don't really see any reason you should.

Maybe you could just say you don't want to talk about it if they ask anything you don't want to answer?

I think my son lies sometimes - especially if he hasn't built up any trust with the person yet.

I think you're doing the right thing, newtus.

I'm going to get some lunch right now, so if you don't hear from me for a while it's not because you killed the thread, it's just because I'm hungry.

im bad at lying. mostly in person.
i get so nervous. that most times things come out anyway.
i have a nervous habit of spitting out the truth in cold situations.
i usually get so nervous i throw up or cry.
its severely intense.

this is what im nervous about a bit.
then im nervous about people watching me.

Just do your best. I'm sure they get lots of people who are just as anxious as you. The whole situation is pretty artificial. I think if you start feeling scared or nervous, you can just say so.

I think you should focus your attention on something else if you can. The more you think about this, the more nervous you're likely to get. Can you watch a movie or play a video game for a while? Or read a book?

ive been taping more of that plane this morning.
IT KEEPS COMING BACK TO ME
im getting angry about that now.
now everytime i talk about it or type here about it.
it comes around. its been doing that. i bring it up it comes. all day today
every day it gets WORSE.
now its directly attacking me
because IM TAKING ACTION.

let me say something about that
i had a feeling for a while that it was police doing this
because they ignored my calls in about this a couple of years ago
when it was mostly happening on foot and in cars.

Yeah, I noticed that. My first thought was, "At least she's not worrying about the appointment on Friday!"

I'm not sure it's actually attacking you. What action are you going to take?

Our local newspaper has a column called "Sound Off" where you can ask about things like this. Do you have anything like that where you are? If so, you could just say you've noticed a plane flying low back and forth in such and such area of the county, and you were wondering why.

he is.
the action i took was putting them on youtube for the world to see.
making them known stalkers.

I'm not sure you can know that for sure yet. You need more information.

this is party "what more do i need?" and "heres the proof"
i have proof of a # of events at least since 2010 that are clear cut
idk who they peoples identities are but thats what im trying to do now

Can you send an email to the FAA or the nearest airport and link to the video and ask what they think? And avoid emotionally charged language like 'stalking' or 'surveillance.' Just say this plane is bothering you and you want to know why it's there and if there's any way to make it stop.

i did think about that but could not see the tags and to report them got hasslely
but i think they dont ill do it.

im afraid of what happens if i do.

look at this thread. i put some stuff that happend to me last night.