Roll call

And I don't need to google Revelations, I know it.

"He that leadeth into captivity so goeth into captivity. He that killeth with the sword must be killed by the sword. This is the patience and the faith of the Saints."

You know the expression 'an eye for an eye'? Well honey, an eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind.

Also, nothing in the Bible applies to people as individuals. It's a book on which many people (myself included) place a lot of faith and hope, but it's not a life manual. It's not a prophecy. It's just a book.

the whole world is already blind actually.
the whole nation has a american flag printed bandana over their eyes.
then there are those who were born blind.
you can see it.
theyve got the the flag etched in their pupils.
though with corrected surgery that CAN go away.
it just costs a lot.

1) There is a world beyond America. I know, because I'm living there. Outside the 50 states, we're not so enamoured of the stars and bars.

2) I've never heard of corrective surgery for flags etched into pupils.

1. yes i know thats why i said the world in the first line and nation in the second.
believe me i know.
and i know the rest of the world isnt enamoured. im not either. but that doesnt mean perfect vision is there either.

some people will never get it.
...the corrective brain surgery i mean.
but yea...some things...people just wont get in life.
they wont be able to afford to understand.

Oops, I just went out to get groceries and I was accidentally dressed in the team colours for West Ham, who are playing an important match today!!
Haha people kept getting in my face and hollering and it triggered my paranoia until I figured it out.

Weird double post deleted.

i want to be brain dead.
i dont want to live here anmore.

i think/ffeel like i am not like very muuch here

Why do you feel like you're not liked?
(Or am I misreading you?)

Hi. My diagnosis is major depression with psychotic features. My screen name is Brook. I live in the northeastern region of the United States of America. Barack Obama is currently presiding over the government in the executive branch. Who really is in charge over events, I am not sure. I am not feeling threatened at this time. It is an eerie calm. I can't fully describe at this time.

Hi! Still hyper! Have fun plans for the evening! Yay!

I have been taking too much Klonopin.I took a total of 10 in a very short period of time. I even feel like taking more. I am just so anxious. To put in perspective I am only supposed to take a maximum of 1 a day. I doubt it would hurt to take 10 though. I have been feeling extremely anxious. Also I started banging my head against the wall today. Have been hearing voices as well threatening to kill me and the word "death" keeps coming up. Also calling me worthless. Also mumbling voices that I can't make out the words out to but I bet they are bad. My pills have cameras in them I felt them and they have machines in them to kill me. There are threats everywhere and I am not as safe as I would like. Lately I have also been cutting myself. Not suicidal that I know of but feeling very depressed with no where to go. I don't want to go to the hospital I am too busy.

Here. Having stress dreams about land law. I woke up this morning with the phrase 'free and common socage' on my brain and now there's a voice saying it to me. FML.

Here. On both Saturday and Sunday I took long naps during the day, so I wasn't able to get to sleep at night.

@FireBird: I hope today is better for you. Is there someone you can talk to about your anxiety?

@Fish: Hope the studying goes well today.

Feeling hopeless today. Havea therapy appt today. She's moved me from twice a week to once a week. I don't know if it helps. I'm honestly not sure the point of therapy anymore except that if I quit going I go into this massive downward spiral and have no one to tell how I'm really feeling too and no one that I trust to bounce ideas off of to know if I'm losing touch with 'reality' or what the majority of people think is reality. Not getting enough sleep. Think it's starting to affect my judgment. At least PMS is over so not having crazy mood swings.

Being visited by Rats Lady today but we're mostly friends even if she is sad. If it continues raining, will be moving some furniture instead of getting the dogs their long walk. Dogs are more fun, but have been putting off the furniture. Good to get it done, I suppose. Having a break to stop by here and also look up some recipes for dinner.

No diagnoses yet here, but I am dealing with psychosis. My hallucinations are doing better since raising my abilify, but I'm still having nightmares and it often takes until after noon to accept that I'm actually awake, because of all my lucid 'false awakenings'. So it's really hard to tell when I'm awake and hallucinating, or still asleep, since I usually hallucinate when I'm alone, and I'm only alone usually when I'm in my room with the lights off.

Last evening was distressing. I kept having short-term delusions/delusional thoughts and thought disorder. Fun stuff, but not. :/ Hopefully tonight will be better.

That was one weird exam. I left the exam room feeling high. I kept smelling petrol and I couldn't tell if it was a real leak or not? I assume it wasn't because nobody else was concerned. One more to go.

Just one more? That's terrific! Good job!

Yay fish. Good job

may 21, 2012 arrived safe and sound at our destination after 6 days of driving...wow 3000 miles is a long way and im exhausted but in one peice

Here. *wave*

Here and tired as usual.

Made clam chowder last night. Two kinds. Manhattan for my son and New England for me. Doubled the recipe for both so I'd have leftovers. Yay! No cooking tonight or tomorrow night.

Actually I'm finding I enjoy cooking, much to my surprise. Chopping celery and peeling potatoes is relaxing. Been thinking about making a career change. The local community college is offering a new cooking diploma as part of their hotel/motel management degree. Maybe I should do that. My son mentioned wanting to be a dishwasher yesterday. Maybe we could hire on as a team at a retirement community, me cooking and him washing.

Costello, I love cooking too! It's almost meditative. Somewhere or other (I think British Museum, possibly Asmolean though) there is a Chinese woodcut showing a butcher preparing the animals and the text printed next to it talks about how to make food preparation your meditation. I really liked that.

Word to the wise, though: When I first got into psychiatry, they told me that I'd never go to uni again. I got pretty enraged and outspoken about wanting a career, so they funded me through catering college to shut me up. That in itself was hell, and then being a cook is really not a nice job. Very long hours in a very, very hot environment for minimum wage and almost no chance of advancement unless you're either extremely lucky or wealthy enough to open your own restaurant. It'll kill your love of cooking, too.