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#1
Apr 10, 2012, 05:27 PM
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I feel so inadequate, so useless. I can't even bathe. Sometimes I don't eat, other nights I can't even sleep. I try to draw, but they all suck. At least that's what people tell me. I wish I could go back home to my country so I could be with Emily and the others forever. People tell me my country doesn't exist, but I don't believe them. I only post in this forum because my pdoc told me I have this illness. I believe I am gifted with something, but others only poo poo it from me. They tell me I'm never going to be good at anything. I want to die, and what they say reaffirms that. I only try to seek approval, but am turned down everywhere. Nobody likes me at all. I've tried killing myself once, but failed. I just want to be able to draw like a pro, but like they say, Schizo's can never draw well. **** this illness. I need to go home.
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 costello, FireBird
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#2
Apr 10, 2012, 05:36 PM
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i can draw. i had my art featured around my town for free. i give it out for free. im gifted with certain spiritual qualities and gifted as an auteur. citizens will be begging for me to get my films at any price. as of now im like the female alex jones of film. i seek harmony korine and put out words on film like jean paul sartre.
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#3
Apr 10, 2012, 06:00 PM
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I am able to draw nice pictures and have them featured in galleries. I am a wildlife starving artist. Just right now I have trouble drawing because of concentration. it is the depression acting up for me. Please don't kill yourself. I always look forward to you being here and your posts. Right now my drawings don't look as professional because I am having problems right now as a struggling starving artist. I look forward to world peace. I am just stressed right now. My mom is sick like always. Real to the extreme. I am like you, I post in the schizophrenia forum because I am told I have it even though I believe my so-called "delusions."
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#4
Apr 10, 2012, 06:03 PM
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I'll even post a link to my drawings:
http://www.petercreedon.deviantart.com You'll find that they suck. I guess I'm a better cartographer than anything. Even my stories suck. The people in the creative corner even said so. |
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#5
Apr 10, 2012, 06:27 PM
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sucks when your beliefs are "delusions" right?
people/family/therapists dont believe me. and i got almost arrested for it. many times. doesnt make it not true. in fact id think they would actually believe it by now. i think of it as: no im not THAT delusional to get arrested, its just THAT seriously real. |
| costello
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#6
Apr 10, 2012, 06:51 PM
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It makes me mad when people say they can't see Emily or Rose. They are there and they are human beings
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#7
Apr 11, 2012, 12:48 PM
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Well I just called Wild Acre Inns. Turns out they don't accept medicare/medicaid. No places in Mass probably do. They're turning people away. The people who need help the most. I cannot accept this. Why should they not accept it? They knew I was going to call, so they probably made it all up. I'll be forced into a ****** RCF out here. My best friend from program died at the one I'll be forced to go into. They gave her the wrong medication and she died. If I was feeling better (non suicidal) a few hours ago, then that's all gone now. I'll never be accepted anywhere. I think I'll go drink whatever's in the liquor cabinet to get rip roaring drunk, and then I'll swallow a bunch of pills. Then no one will accept me ever.
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| costello, newtus
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#8
Apr 11, 2012, 10:45 PM
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please dont kill yourself. life will get better.
__________________
God is good all the time! Mark 10:18 "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good--except God alone. |
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#9
Apr 12, 2012, 09:12 AM
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Quote:
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#10
Apr 12, 2012, 09:16 AM
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Ackman, some things you said struck me in a good way. I checked out your deviant art page, and while I don't particularly like your artwork, it doesn't mean it's not good. Kind of like how I hate the Garfield cartoons but others love them. Someone is likely to appreciate your drawing style, but they just haven't found your art yet.
The thing you mentioned about maybe being a better cartographer gave me an idea that maye you can run with. You also said that people say this country you believe in doesn't exist. It sounds to me like you have a rich universe (no matter if it's real or not) you could share with others. Maybe combine your writing with your cartography and illustrate this world you see to share with others. Anyway, it was just an idea I had for your creativity. people can often be cruel in their criticisms, especially of art. I know it's hard to do, especially when it seems everyone's working against you, but you should try shoving those nasty comments about your talents aside. People can be especially cruel over the Internet since there is a certain level of anonymity. They can spew vitriol without ever fearing any kind of backlash. So all those harsh words should be taken with a grain of salt. Someone will eventually appreciate your talents. You just should try some patience, and someone will come along eventually. |
 RunningEagleRuns
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#11
Apr 13, 2012, 09:58 AM
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Quote:
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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