[KUREHA]

I think I found the nurse on there - I'm 80% it's her, she looks a bit different, but it could be an old pic.

Should I send her a message?
If it isn't her - doesn't matter, but if it is - I have loads of questions, but they won't let me talk to her - I've asked my nurse loads of times and it's always No.

I'm going to be obsessing about this tomorrow now instead of enjoying my birthday, although I'm not sure it's worth celebrating at my age.

[KUREHA]

I'm going to have to message her.
I dont care about all the questions I'll get after.

[KUREHA]

I might email my psychologist to compare the pics - I don't think she has seen the nurse, but she is going to know straight away who it is.

That might spoil my chance of getting a message to her.

Facebook could actually be lucky this 1 time and I don't what to do about it. One chance to get proof with no one around and I'm screwing it up.

[KUREHA]

I'm just going to have to message her because now that's all I can think about and 80% is pretty close.

I didn't think anyone would understand - alone again, this is because I didnt get to see my doctor- I need my doctor so much, it's my side mission to protect her.

And I'm wasting time - oh the questions will come, why are you stalking the nurse? Why do you want to hurt the nurse? Because the sleeper cells are geting inside.

THIS IS WHY I NEED SOMETHING - I NEED A CLUE A PUSH IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it helps you. And on that note... Happy birthday tomorrow, Kureha! : )

[KUREHA]

Thanks,

I think I'm going to email my psychologist first, because I don't want to screw this up.

Even though I'll get loads of awkward questions tomorrow from the psychiatrist and nurse, I suppose it doesn't matter.
I'm getting no help though, but I did keep seeing and hearing her name everywhere - maybe it was for this.

[KUREHA]

I just put an X in the email after my name to my psychologist

I emailed back to say it was an accident - I knew I'd do it eventually, I hope she doesn't think it's in a gay way, because it really isn't, my nurse already thinks I'm infatuated with her, it's trust and respect and admiration, that's what it is.

[KUREHA]

Just realised no one will even know what I'm on about.
This is not just any nurse, this is the sleeper cell nurse.

I was going to get surveillance on her, but my psychologist said I can't do that.

Well... Whatever keeps you in good graces with the psychologist! Mutual respect is very important with them. It makes sure that you get treated well & that you can go to them whenever you're having a hard time.

[KUREHA]

She's awesome, I don't have long left with her though

The thing is no one can compare to her. I dont want to see someone else, she's the only person that really understands me and I trust her so much.

You know where I'd be without her, dead or in prison.

[KUREHA]

Its actually really depressing and I'm scared.

As soon as they know I won't take meds, I'll be out of there.
What my psychologist doesnt want to happen will.

[KUREHA]

I'm starting to think its best to keep this to myself, what's the point of talking about it when no one wants to hear it and like they are going to care.

I also need to stop replying to myself because that's just stupid. Its weird to move from a real OCD worry about someone to something that could be my fault and if I hadn't been selfish could have been avoided.

That's it - I'm done.

[costello]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

That's it - I'm done.

I'm following it, and I care. Obviously it's important to you, and that's what the forum's for. I hope you don't stop sharing.

I care too!! I've been kind of distant lately, but I've been coming back as much as I can... Especially since the psychotic stuff is the only thing affecting me anymore. *hugs Kureha* Enjoy your psychologist while you can! Hopefully you've learned some good ways of coping with the government paranoia & stuff so you'll be well even when she's gone. : ]

[KUREHA]

Thanks,

Even though we agree to disagree - I think my psychologist is trying to cure me before I have to change to the CMHT, probably because she knows what is going to happen - I don't want to see anyone there and especially not the social worker or psychiatrist.

I'm really worried about my psychologist, I'm obsessively checking my emails, I'll probably have to call the receptionist.

My psychologist told me how to deal with it - I'll just have no one to check it out with.
No advice when I cant cope with it and alcohol doesn't work for me.

[KUREHA]

At least my psychologist is ok I didn't talk to her, but the recptionist is ok there, she wouldn't lie about it.

[costello]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

I think my psychologist is trying to cure me before I have to change to the CMHT, probably because she knows what is going to happen - I don't want to see anyone there and especially not the social worker or psychiatrist.

I guess I don't understand your health system. Why can't you go on seeing your psycologist as long as necessary if you like her?

I'm really worried about my psychologist, I'm obsessively checking my emails, I'll probably have to call the receptionist.

That sounds like my son - the obsessive part. It helps me a little to hear this, because he woke me from a dead sleep last night to ask me a question that could have waited until morning. I suppose it seemed really urgent to him. Like an itch that had to be scratched immediately.

No advice when I cant cope with it and alcohol doesn't work for me.

[KUREHA]

It's time limited, so I have to see someone else, well I don't have to, so I mighgt not see anyone else. She'll be away soon on leave as well.
The psychiatrist asked how I'd feel about not seeing her - like I was going to tell him.

I want to call her, but I think she might be angry, so I'm not sure if I should.

Yeah I get it sometimes - it's like it can't wait and I just have to get it out, so I have to say it, I still don't have an email either or a reply on facebook.

The psychiatrist said I was saying too much - I wasn't telling him everything because I don't trust him - I don't know maybe I have - this is all the nurses fault - apart from the government, she makes me so angry.

[costello]

I really wish you could keep seeing this psychologist. She's the only person I seen that you seem to trust all of the time. Everyone else has let you down at one time or another.



Seems like you just need a bit more time with her without constantly working that it's going to end soon.

[KUREHA]

I do really trust her - she's just always tried to help.

We're ok as well - she isn't angry

She isn't happy about the facebook thing though or trying to find out stuff about the nurse.
I was going to call, but not say who I was, but my psychologist said I need to concentrate on something else - do something fun.

It's the nurse, everywhere it's her name.

[costello]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

I was going to call, but not say who I was, but my psychologist said I need to concentrate on something else - do something fun.

That's the same thing I always tell my son. Find something fun to do and distract yourself.

[KUREHA]

My psychologist always tries to get me to do something - because I usually just sit there and get stuck with it.
I played Kinect Sports 2 and it helped, but I think I'm going to keep having her stuck in my head - I think its because they want me to talk to her.

How is your son?

[costello]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

How is your son?

I think he's okay. He's planning on moving out into his own apartment. I hope he's able to find a place he can afford. I'm nervous about it, and he seems pretty stressed - but also excited.

[KUREHA]

I hope that goes ok - it is a pretty big thing.

They are seriously messing with me - now the only picture is with her face hidden, I really don't like this - there is something not right with that profile.

I really wish I was seeing psychologist earlier.

[costello]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

I hope that goes ok - it is a pretty big thing.

He lost his job yesterday, so we're holding off on that for now.

They are seriously messing with me - now the only picture is with her face hidden, I really don't like this - there is something not right with that profile.

Don't go look at it anymore.

I really wish I was seeing psychologist earlier.

I wish you were too.