[newtus]

how do i get out of the mental health system?

yea pretty much. straightforward.

[volatile]

stop being a danger to yourself and possibly others. act as normal as possible. smile. butterflies and rainbows.

[newtus]

everytime i try to quit thinking about this system and act normal things get very bad and i never see it coming
but when i do think about it and just be myself nothing specifically bad happens
i dont understand?

[CastlesInTheAir]

Everytime I think I'm gonna make it and don't need meds....BAM!

Gotta find the root to the problem and deal with it....

Somehow somewhere

[newtus]

how do i find the root of the problem?

[CastlesInTheAir]

That's what I've been on a journey to do and I feel like having a T would help greatly but I've recently lost my health insurance so that's a no go as of now....

I've been journaling a lot and reading those self help type of books I find writing things out and reading helps gain a little bit of insight and perspective

I wish I had the answers

[newtus]

Originally Posted by volatile

stop being a danger to yourself and possibly others

should i stay away from people i feel i want to hurt then?

[newtus]

Originally Posted by triciadrich

That's what I've been on a journey to do and I feel like having a T would help greatly but I've recently lost my health insurance so that's a no go as of now....

I've been journaling a lot and reading those self help type of books I find writing things out and reading helps gain a little bit of insight and perspective

I wish I had the answers

pardon me for saying as i mean no offense but...
that kind of stuff seems so...idk...like i would be taken as weak to write out my feelings/thoughts to figure them out. ive been seeing having a therapist as i am weak. personally it does get quite "mushy" for me but...anyway theres some stuff id rather not bring into someone elses sight about my past.. especially therapists.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by newtus

should i stay away from people i feel i want to hurt then?

That seems wise regardless of whether you want to leave psychiatry or not.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by newtus

pardon me for saying as i mean no offense but...
that kind of stuff seems so...idk...like i would be taken as weak to write out my feelings/thoughts to figure them out. ive been seeing having a therapist as i am weak. personally it does get quite "mushy" for me but...

Why do you think it's weak? It seems analogous to taking psych drugs to me; possibly more constructive because it's aimed at resolving problems as much as possible and not simply managing them.

Originally Posted by newtus

anyway theres some stuff id rather not bring into someone elses sight about my past.. especially therapists.

Well, that's the beauty of journalling. You can write it all down -- then it's your choice whether to keep it private. You could even destroy what you write afterwards. Sometimes, it's just the process of forming coherent thoughts and expressing them that's therapeutic. Other times, bringing the thoughts into your consciousness sort of 'highlights' them and helps you discover what you need to deal with.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by newtus

how do i find the root of the problem?

Costello was yelling at me for obsessing about this the other day. I think she was right to say that I could waste a lifetime figuring this out. Maybe you could, too - I don't know.

Would you be happy to find instead lots of coping strategies to help you get off the drugs?

[KUREHA]

If you stop any contact with them, they will leave you alone. They would for me, can always say you dont want their help.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

If you stop any contact with them, they will leave you alone. They would for me, can always say you dont want their help.

Not necessarily true. I stopped all voluntary contact and am (by all accounts) doing very well, yet they still send social workers around to my house to 'check' (i.e., harass) me.

And I think in Newtus' case, her family members are pushing psychiatry fairly heavily as well.

[KUREHA]

Ah right.

Im going to cancel mine, the assessment thing, I don't want it.

[KUREHA]

CANCELLED

Well I left a message with the receptionist anyway.

Hope you find a way out newtus

[costello]

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

Costello was yelling at me for obsessing about this the other day. I think she was right to say that I could waste a lifetime figuring this out. Maybe you could, too - I don't know.

I didn't mean to yell. If I sounded impatient (hope I didn't), it's probably because I feel like I'm chasing my tail trying to answer the question 'why' for my son - and for sz in general. Sometimes it seems like you can google 'schizophrenia and ______' (fill in the blank with anything), and you'll find someone saying there's a connection. I'm exaggerating a bit, but I haven't found an answer yet, and I've looked long and hard.

Then I see people dx w/sz beating themselves up, wondering if they caused their own problems - ususally with drugs. I want to shake them and say, "Cut it out! It doesn't matter how you got here. Just move on!" Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe if you know how or why, it can help you know what to do about it. Or maybe knowing will just give you some relief, free you from blame. Who knows.

I was looking for something yesterday (notes I'd made about the Radical Acceptance part of DBT, for you, fish) when I ran across an essay written by Pat Deegan. It was written when she was 38 years old and addressed to herself as a 17 year old just entering the mental health system. I'd printed it off from a website somewhere and never read it. I read it aloud to my son - and couldn't keep myself from crying at several points. He actually listened to the whole thing - and even asked a couple of questions - which is weird because normally he hates that kind of thing.

Anyway Pat Deegan always talks about "getting a life for myself." "How do I get a life for myself in all this?" Her basic message for that 17 year old girl she once was is that it's possible to have a whole life and a psychiatric disability. And she does use the phrase "psychiatric disability." Dr. Deegan is a successful professional who has a sz dx. She uses medication to manage her symptoms. (She's very clear that she 'uses' meds, not 'takes' them. They're a tool, one among many.)

I guess that's what I'm trying to say - don't "Why am I here?" but "Where do I want to go and how do I get there?"

[costello]

Originally Posted by costello

I guess that's what I'm trying to say - don't "Why am I here?" but "Where do I want to go and how do I get there?"

I meant to say: don't ask "Why am I here?" but "Where do I want to go and how do I get there?"

And now, a few hours after typing those words, I'm not even sure I agree with them. In the words of the immortal bard: "Don't follow me. I'm lost too."

[newtus]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

If you stop any contact with them, they will leave you alone. They would for me, can always say you dont want their help.

i hope to do this one and never look back. theyve f'd me over too much in my life.

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

I think in Newtus' case, her family members are pushing psychiatry fairly heavily as well.

not really. believe it or not both my parents are to a good extent antipsychiatry. the reasons why are...well...idk what to think...pperhaps my parents have a bit a personal screw loose? hell idk. im just wondering.

my mother believes in ghosts talking to me and the dead trying to contact me. she wanted to take me to a psychic for help and wanted to help me contact the dead. idk if i ever said this here but she tried to get me an exorcism once. she took me to a catholic church. i had no idea what was happening. but thats for another post. she think psychiatry is full of complete quacks. she was married to someone with schizophrenia that got committed and died in a mental hospital before she met my dad. between my mother and father..my mother...is so..ugh..i think she has some mental issues. shes extremely manipulative.

my father is not so much for psychiatry. hes for like..herbal remedies..and stuff...hes like almost....antigov/militant in a WAY. like...a 60s africanamerican hippie. seriously. hes

but if they deem they cant help me they turn me over to psychiatry. which is...like what it is like by now.

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Hope you find a way out newtus

thanks i need this.

Originally Posted by costello

wondering if they caused their own problems - ususally with drugs.

i think drugs triggered mine. idk yet. ill figure some things out about that. i didnt know what i was doing at the time. i think it had some embalming fluid in there. idk seriously. idk. but it wasnt anything regular weed. ill never truly know but i can only guess.

[KUREHA]

Costello its Not why am I in a hole. But how do I get out. Cant change being in the hole once they are there.

Newtus Let us know how you get on, been worried about you

[newtus]

yea. sucky story. but i smoked it and i got so paranoid i thought the people spiked it, and my drink, and my food with poison and were going to kill me. actually i flipped out pretty pretty bad. these were people that went to my school.

i do feel like some of me being this way is my fault...because..not at this age but when i was a teen i was desperate for friends. i was so lonely and i just wanted someone to spend time with me. it got to where i was just wanting ANYONE to even sit with me at lunch. i would bribe people with food and money to sit with me at lunch. otherwise i usually sat on the spiral steps or behind the building. it was hard because i was scared of people. which is why i sat behind the building.. but. anyway.
i hit a low when my parents divorced and decided that i was going to try and make friends any way i could so i started smoking pot. i heard voices before and felt paranoid but it was so mild. from that bad trip on it was like full..just full bad..i developed some depersonalization issues too where i would mentally black out like i felt when i was high. never gone away.

but yea i just think it was my fault a bit cause i was such a desperate and lonely teenager. very very alone to the point of suicide twice.

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Newtus Let us know how you get on, been worried about you

wow. no need. im not worth it. but thank you i appreciate it.

[KUREHA]

Aw you are worth it

It isn't your fault either, don't blame yourself.

[Gr3tta]

I don't think it's always very useful to figure out why there's a mental illness at all. Especially for sz, which there is no definitive answer for.
However, it can be useful to figure out what things trigger bad psychotic episodes or increases in symptoms. That can be helpful in managing and understanding symptoms, which can reduce overall stress and distress, which can also help to reduce negative symptoms.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by costello

I didn't mean to yell. If I sounded impatient (hope I didn't), it's probably because I feel like I'm chasing my tail trying to answer the question 'why' for my son - and for sz in general. Sometimes it seems like you can google 'schizophrenia and ______' (fill in the blank with anything), and you'll find someone saying there's a connection. I'm exaggerating a bit, but I haven't found an answer yet, and I've looked long and hard.

I meant 'yell' in the more constructive sense of 'Don't just sit there and wallow, you're better than this!!'.

I know what you mean about the links, though. EVERYTHING causes schizophrenia in someone's eyes. I don't believe there are answers, though. Not general ones, anyway.

Originally Posted by costello

Then I see people dx w/sz beating themselves up, wondering if they caused their own problems - ususally with drugs. I want to shake them and say, "Cut it out! It doesn't matter how you got here. Just move on!" Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe if you know how or why, it can help you know what to do about it. Or maybe knowing will just give you some relief, free you from blame. Who knows.

Im one of the rare people with sz who has never done illicit drugs. I'm just not bothered. Yet, I still beat myself up.
To me, knowing why I was sectioned (not necessarily why I hallucinate or am paranoid - honestly I couldn't care less about those things) is the remedy to all my problems. The only difficult part of this for me has been avoiding psychiatry and hospitals and druggings and discrimination. So if I can figured out why I was targeted for all that in the first place, then I figure I can get myself out. Eh.

Originally Posted by costello

I was looking for something yesterday (notes I'd made about the Radical Acceptance part of DBT, for you, fish)

That's sweet, thank you
I looked up radical acceptance and it's interesting. Again, seems very hard to achieve. A laudable goal, however.

Originally Posted by costello

Her basic message for that 17 year old girl she once was is that it's possible to have a whole life and a psychiatric disability . . . .

I guess that's what I'm trying to say - don't "Why am I here?" but "Where do I want to go and how do I get there?"

To me, the two are linked. My life as I knew it ended when I entered psychiatry.
Also I think for some people, there is a 'why' - whether ongoing drug use or trauma or really bad self-care or whatever - that could properly be discovered and addressed. I'm sure for others there isn't. A personal issue, more than anything else.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by newtus

not really. believe it or not both my parents are to a good extent antipsychiatry. the reasons why are...well...idk what to think...pperhaps my parents have a bit a personal screw loose? hell idk. im just wondering.

my mother believes in ghosts talking to me and the dead trying to contact me. she wanted to take me to a psychic for help and wanted to help me contact the dead. idk if i ever said this here but she tried to get me an exorcism once. she took me to a catholic church. i had no idea what was happening. but thats for another post. she think psychiatry is full of complete quacks. she was married to someone with schizophrenia that got committed and died in a mental hospital before she met my dad. between my mother and father..my mother...is so..ugh..i think she has some mental issues. shes extremely manipulative.

my father is not so much for psychiatry. hes for like..herbal remedies..and stuff...hes like almost....antigov/militant in a WAY. like...a 60s africanamerican hippie. seriously. hes

Huh. That's a bit weird. I suppose on the upside, if they think that way you will maybe be able to go to them with your qualms about psychatric treatment and they will be a bit understanding -- if they're not totally unstable. I hope you find a way to navigate that.

Originally Posted by newtus

but if they deem they cant help me they turn me over to psychiatry. which is...like what it is like by now.

I imagine they're scared. You seem like you're in a lot of pain, hun. Sometimes I think parents, when they see their kids in pain, don't know what to do so they hand their kids over to people purporting to be "experts" - whether that's priests or doctors.

Anyway. How are you today? I was thinking about you during my exam. We had a question about airplanes flying overhead and trespass

[newtus]

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

...My life as I knew it ended when I entered psychiatry....

im one those people though i never really had a life i can look back on. as issues i deal with started around 11/12 yrs old. i have nothing to compare. its all been one big thing really.

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

Huh. That's a bit weird. I suppose on the upside, if they think that way you will maybe be able to go to them with your qualms about psychatric treatment and they will be a bit understanding -- if they're not totally unstable. I hope you find a way to navigate that.

they are kindve understanding.
dont get it wrong though. my father is extremely selfsufficient. worked a steady job for over 40 yrs til he got laid off then was able to go back to work with them. hes 65. went to school. has had a few marriages and few kids - til they left him or grew up and supported all with no problem. completely owns everything he has and operates a side business next to working 12-16 hr shifts 5 days a week. 100% owns several homes and properties in numerous states. yes. true. plus more.

..my mother on the other hand. doesnt even compare. shes very dependent. she has no schooling. doesnt work. she seems partly lazy. she has worked..but my dad funded everything. full out bought, not rented but bought her a commercial building space in a downtown city to run her own business. all this stuff for her business. if i could give her a Dx id say shes like a borderline personality disordered person. classic. shes just very manipulative. i swear shes mental and i mean clinically or severely emotionally unstable. its scary how she thinks nothing is wrong with her. she almost borderlines on sociopathic. im convinced theres severe mental illness in her immediate and long family. but i know not much about either side of my mother or father. i mean...i know of some people here and there..cousins but idk how they are related by blood or what and i only know of 2-3. a couple are bipolar and one has schizophrenia.

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

You seem like you're in a lot of pain, hun.

i like to ignore my pain for the most part. skim it a bit but dont go too deep.

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

Anyway. How are you today?

my dad saw my arm all cut up. he says i dont look good. said i look very confused/lost. i was picking apart a dead skunk. heard gunshots today. saw the airplane once today. when i see/hear that stuff i go into a panicked war mode. literally. i mean. i ducked and started running through the woods and across peoples fields/properties. i ran about 20 acres.

...but then i came back. like mentally. idk why i do that...
..you know..i mentioned false memories...i keep having these memories come to me about being in war...but ive never been in the military or anything like that. its weird.