lack of enjoyment

i don't know if this has been discussed before, since i'm all new here, but has anyone else had the enjoyment sucked out of everything they used to like?

i used to love reading, science, video games, learning anything new, music, etc. but now i can't seem to enjoy any of it. i always go back to it like a dog beaten by its master, but unlike the dog, i can't love any of it anymore. an old therapist, before i was diagnosed, said that i was getting older and my interests must be changing, but i can't even find anything new i might like. it's like i just don't care anymore.

if anyone feels the same way, how do you cope with it? i'm so bored now.

i have.
so much so in fact i dropped most of my old interests. i used to like fashion - hollywood filmmaking - all the latest rock bands - i was in love with social networking - etc - as a teen. i was extremely quiet person then too like now. i know you could say i was a teen and my interests just changed but read on.

to add to that - im a very picky person and i know what i like but my interests made a major overhaul. im 21 almost 22. when my second major psychotic episode started when i was 20 i started getting into philosophy - science - time travel - conspiracy theories - etc and the like. which they say is really typical for people with schizophrenia to get into those interests. that wasnt just a major overhaul but it was unheard of for me. i didnt just like it i got genuinely into that stuff too AND could understand it AND write my own theories. THATS how deep my psychosis got. i still like that stuff. immensely. but i was just saying.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I struggle most with getting motivated to actually do the things I enjoy.

Maybe you could try looking at your old interests in new ways? Like if you used to like pop music, maybe you could try jazz, or opera, or speed metal, or playing an instrument. If you used to like to read fiction, maybe now you could try reading biographies, or plays. If you used to like science, maybe you could pick a particular branch to study, and apply it to a hobby, like astronomy or botany.

i was very superficial as as teen.

i feel more myself than ive ever felt in my life.

thank you schizoaffective disorder. (not really.)

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

i think i've done something similar. i used to like anything science before. but now it's more science interest related to more specific things like the brain, neuroimaging, sz, physics, etc. conspiracy theories? yup. but not too much yet. i'm staying away from them only because i've got my own theories, so i'm trying not to feed myself anymore ammo. philosophy, i can understand, because i'm searching for meaning more than ever before.

i also struggle with motivation, not just in doing things i used to enjoy, but everything in general. i feel wiped out by the end of the day just doing simple things.

as far as approaching old interests from different angles, i'm currently trying that with little success. for instance, i always wanted to make music (like electronic stuff), so I've got some apps I mess around with. i did used to read high fantasy fiction. i've now switched that up and read a lot of non-fiction (most lately about sz), and even classic books. i read Orwell's 1984 which didn't help my paranoia, but was a great book. and now i'm reading Slaughterhouse Five which I enjoy. I'm also thinking of trying a new career path that doesn't involve people so much. I'm a registered nurse now, but always loved computers and still do. so i'm looking into something involving computers to go back to school for if i can manage that. i almost didn't graduate last time, so i need to be careful and mindful of my limitations.

but ty Gr3tta. those are great tips and i'll keep trying to look at stuff at new angles. it's hard sometimes, especially with poor motivation, but so far it's been mildly rewarding.

Yeah, I have this. I don't know why, if it's growing up or going crazy or what. I've been really mourning the loss of my motivation and talent lately. I used to love maths and physics (esp. the theoretical stuff), I learned languages like you wouldn't believe (I used to speak nine - now it's more like 4/5), I volunteered and was in clubs and all sorts of stuff. Now, it's all I can do to get out of bed in the mornings.

It's weird everybody's talking about the philosophy interest. I've always loved philosophy, and indeed my first degree (pre-dx) was in classical philosophy. Yet the docs seemed to want to take my interest in that as a sign of psychosis as apparently a lot of people turn to philosophy when they first show symptoms. I think a lot of people on the verge of a dx turn to brain sciences and philosophy for alternative explanations of what they experience, because honestly what psychiatry says is very degrading and demoralising. Who wants to have a "brain disorder" that is "lifelong" and "permanent" and "untreatable"?? Nobody, and certain not if there is an alternative explanation with equally valid foundations.

I think part of that is that I really dislike my job and where my life has gone. Also, I've got really tired of fighting so many structural obstacles that are put in the way of people with sz diagnoses. I was studying law when I got diagnosed, and the uni I was attending tried to (illegally) force me out. Then I stayed, but I was super-drugged/electroshocked for years and didn't do so well for a lot of it. And I was fighting my way out of psychiatry, which was not exactly easy. When I finally escaped about three years ago, I discovered that the diagnosis was--for no good reason--appearing on my criminal record, so I had to fight that still in law school. I had a mini-break down during the bar exams this year and ended up in a position where I probably can't be a barrister after all, even though I passed. Now I'm in another law suit, this time for clinical negligence and I've recently filed criminal charges against three men who raped me in the past. And that's on top of all the more minor discrimination and harassment to which I've been subjected. It's just . . . too damn much. I don't have motivation to actually *do* anything on top of all that. I can imagine a lot of people feel the same way.

Oh, I guess the big motivator for me is that I LOVE to prove people wrong. I got the biggest thrill out of going to the psychiatrist who had me sectioned twice and who told me that I was going to be incurably, chronically seriously ill for my entire life and probably on the disability allowance and in state care . . . And just giving it to him, listing all the amazing stuff I'd done once I had escaped from him. I expected him to be humbled, but he wasn't, he just warned of future crashes even bigger than before and called me possibly manic

i know this is definitely true for me. i was on a crusade a little while ago after first being diagnosed to take what medical background i had and expand that to find out what truly causes sz and how to fix it. but, given my lack of motivation, we can say that's fizzled out and led to nothing.

as far as philosophy goes. i think a lot of people start thinking, "why me?" and that leads to even bigger questions and people start digging. i know i have a ton of questions now, and god knows the p-docs and Ts aren't helpful in answering them.

the reason why i got into philosophy in my second major psychotic episode was i was trying to figure my place in the world. not necessarily about ME. but about people and people in groups and why im the type of person society shuns and what type of person is that that they do and what makes me that type.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

i had and still have this obsessive quest to decode society for all its worth and i KNOW ill be the one to find the answer. the key. the knowledgable tidbit. to myself and to those other people in the type and also other types.

i will.
watch and see.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

i try to think about thins sometimes. i try to find a connection on small things i do or say to my mentality.

like WHY do i wear only formal clothing sometimes? why is it thick jackets even in 105 degree weather. all black. sturdy sturdy sturdy fibers like denim. why do i like specific solid food and not mushy ones?

i feel maybe its because im trying to channel the power i lack in my life with black formal wear such as a high priority business person.

and the food and clothing fibers? solid and sturdy. maybe because i lacked much stability in my life and im yearning...HUNGRY for it.

idk this is why i try not to think much.
im a pathetic loser.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Haha, I have to wear black suits to work and I tell you, it was all I could do today (30 degree heat and 80% humidity) not to just FLY out of that cursed polyester costume at the end of my workday and run home naked. Whatever the opposite of authoritative is, I'm pretty sure that unbridled wobbly bits bouncing freely in the open air come damned close.

Nah I don't think you're a loser. You're just trying to find meaning, which I believe a lot of people do, even those "normal" people. But I pose a question to you then. What if there is no hidden meaning to you liking the solid and sturdy clothing? Maybe it's simply a preference, or you like the way it feels on your skin. Just a thought that maybe sometimes we keep digging when there's no digging left to do. I don't know.

being a visual person, I couldn't help but picture someone doing that and it made me smile on a bad day. Thanks for the unintended visual imagery