Roll Call Eight

AD: How are you doing? Better today I hope..

Costello: How is your son, did he reach the pdoc?

He left a message.

He's more worried about the fact that his water was shut off, because he forgot to pay the bill.

But he's most worried about the fact that he stepped in front of another customer while lining up at the cashier in a gas station this morning. He doesn't want to be a jerk. Sigh!

Trust me, he'll be thinking (and talking) about that butting in line thing for weeks, if not months.

Costello: I hope your son is ok.

Faerie: did something trigger the racing thoughts?

I have this problem also with things. Not always with weeks but it can take me several hours, sometimes days, to relieve the anxiety of making a mistake like this.

But, as an example, I made a mistake with a patient a few months ago on her appointment. THe Educator was at a different clinic that day and I accidently put the patient in who wanted to come to the main clinic. The patient showed up here by mistake. I did my best to resolve the issue, appologized, etc. When she left had a massive panic attack, luckily a co-worker who is actually a nice person helped me through it. Then that patient went to her therapist and compaiend about what a horrible employee I am. I know this because she then called my boss (on her therapists suggestion,) to make a formal complaint about me and to inform her that she had to have therapy session because of me. So now, months later, just seeing that patient's name in the schedule starts me panicking. I have been lucky to not have to see her again. But I just keep thinking about her talking to her therapist and it bothers me and bothers me and I think about her therapist all the time. And it makes me feel like her and her therapist talk about me a lot now and probably making horrible jokes and and assumptions about me.

Then I wonder.... if this mystery therapist knew that the person they were attacking is having panic attacks adn paranoia over it what woudl that therapist do? I wish I could contact the therapist to tell her my side of the story. To tell the therapist I have bipolar and paranoia and cognitive difficulties and it was just an honest mistake....

So.... I think me and your son actually have a lot of similar problemss..

Yeah, just regular old bipolar cycling probably. I think I'm just more manic this week (3-5 days is a usual cycle.) I've been having a good week except I can't get anything done....

Faerie: glad you're having a good week, but a shame you can't get things done. I too worry like you posted above, whether I make a mistake or not

Costello: has your son heard back off pdoc yet? I hope he's ok

The move went ok. Had to have a nap in the car park of one of the motorway services half way, because I was so exhausted driving (concentrating), but the dog and I made it in one piece Since being back I've been worried about the cameras again, which I did NOT miss while being at home. My voluntary placement went ok I think, though I was terrified this morning and it was really hard to get up so early. I tried really hard to seem confident and assertive and be kind to the patients, but I was terrified that someone was watching me on hidden cameras the whole time, judging me on my abilities and it was only my first day and I didn't really know what to do... Anyway it's over now and I don't have to go back for a whole week

Hope everyone else is doing well

*Willow*

Wow! I think the lady seriously overreacted. I suppose it might be a bit annoying, but to make a formal complaint! And her therapist suggested it?

Mistakes are sometimes made. Life can be irritating. Formal complaints should be reserved for egregious situations. In my whole life, I've never made a formal complaint against anyone. If I'm ever tempted, I'll remember you, faerie_moon.

I think the therapist also did her a disservice. I think if my son came to me with such a story, I'd tell him it was just a mistake, frustrating but not earth shattering. Then I'd try to get him to see it from the other person's point of view - which is the best way to develop compassion and empathy.

Thanks for this. It's so hard because you really don't know what the other person may be going through. Oh I forgot, the other reason she made the complaint is because supposedly I didn't say thank you when she opened the door for me. I wasn't expecting a patient and was carrying heavy boxes at the time. I remember her opening the door but I can't remember if I did or didn't say thank you. I mean, I normally say thank you but the strain of the boxes and the anxiety of seeing an unexpected person at the desk could have caused me to just be a scatter brain. Even my boss said she felt that was odd because she always hears me say thank you. I even say thank you when people tell me thank you.... (Yes, I'm very annoying I thank people for thanking me, I don't even think about it....)

Eek! Big scary test time! I took 3 kinds of tummy medicine! I don't know how long it is, I should have asked! Eek!

My head feels heavy. I seem to be going through a sad time. My mood has been down for about three weeks. This is odd. I am not sure why I feel like this. I hope this gets better soon.

I went mushroom hunting this afternoon. There is a great area near the university I attend that produces a lot of mushrooms and other types of fungi. I found a few interesting species so that helped lift my mood.

I hope you feel better too. There are fungi other than mushrooms? What do those look like?

Thanks.

I found this unknown jelly fungus. It may be Exidia recisa.

Cool it looks like a melted jolly rancher...I almost want to lick it!

It does look sweet and tasty.

well im finally outta the hospital after spending 6 weeks and two days in there......farout thats so long....and i think it was too long...i found myself getting really attached to the nursing staff and the hospital. It had a nice safe environment...it was comfortable...u had someone there all the time checking up on u and someone to always talk to if u needed to. im going to miss it so much because it was such a good place.
FFS nothing is ever easy!
i hate the feeling of grief....its such a disgusting feeling!!!!!!!!!
anyways thats my little update...hope ur all doing well and i hope to be on here more often than i was before.

Ash

@ willow, I'm so glad you got moves okay! And I am confident you will feel more comfortable in your posotion soon. I am always really nervous when I start something new, but then I get settled in. I hope you will feel settled very soon.
@ faerie, I agree as wll that the other woman totally over reacted! You made an understandable mistake and did your best to correct it. I'm sorry it was so stressful, but you did your best and handled it correctly.
@lil didgee, what an amazing fungus! Great find!

I think my test went well. I will get a letter telling me if I did well enough to move to the next step, but I don't know how long that will take.
Does anybody have fun weekend plans to share?

I'm going to my friends sons play tonight and then tomorrow to the botanic garden. Should be really fun. How about you?

Maybe go out to eat tonight, then going to build a windowseat over the weekend. Hope I can do it! Going to put cushions on top for dogs and kitty, and make the top removeable to store dog blankets inside.

Also - I love botanical gardens!! That should be great!!

The_little_didgee: I'm sorry that you're feeling depressed at the moment. I am too and it sucks! Good job going mushroom hunting though to make you feel a bit better, cos sometimes it's hard to motivate yourself to do something fun when you're feeling down.

Gr3tta: Glad that your test went well. Is it for work? Sounds like a good weekend planned

Ash: Good to hear that you're out of the hospital. All the best

Sometimes: Sounds like a good weekend planned for you too

I haven't been out in ages, but it's my housemate's birthday so us and some of her friends are going to get dressed up and go out for drinks and a meal tomorrow night. Lots of effort to make myself look presentable, and I'm battling with the idea to have a shower, but hopefully it will be fun. Other than that, I have to unpack and do some Uni work that I'm avoiding.

*Willow*

i got a psychiatrists note for jury duty
.not too surprised but not what i was told that my dx is schizoaffective.

i havent felt...this this in like long time.

i had said i wanted to take all my full 3 pills bottle of xanax.
but then i felt like i have already take 1 pill. but i havent. but im getting this natural floating feeling exactly like taking it.

i can the feel the strong bug crawling under my arm near my wrist and on my scalp and other.
i cut cut cut cut cut the area.

Pretty sure everyone here thinks I'm evil and deserving of a painful death. Don't worry, I think I'm evil too. I'd do myself in but nobody will let me.

You know what psychiatry has given me?

PTSD and about 70 extra pounds that I'm only just now getting rid of. That's about it.

It's sad because I think my pdoc I have now really wants to help but it's like, I'm just so done. I'm not being honest with her about my symptoms or anything(even though I doubt I hide my symptoms nearly as well as I delude myself into believing I do) because I'm so scared of being put in hospital again even though she wouldn't do that unless something really bad was going on or about to go on. I want to just print out some of my posts from here and bring them to her. It might help open the door for some problem solving, I don't know.

Just scared, overwhelmed, and sick of the bull****.

im on the brink of giving up to them.

im thinking about saying something about needing help because im truly suffering my mind out.

it reallly upsets me that if im in crisis that i HAVE to goto these people. i dont have a good support system and i broken down to my parents who are really last resort for me and theres not a sh_t given about what im dealing with. my dad truly has his own problems. and then i have no one else.

i keep looking at these #s on my phone i could call but im so embarrassed but what im going thro. i hang up.