Roll Call Eight

Exactly. I feel so trapped. There's just about nowhere for me to go when things get seriously bad except a hospital which more often than not just makes things worse.

ive been dozens of times.
a hospital wont help me right now.
yet if i want to ask for help RIGHT NOW i know ill goto a hospital which is half the reason why i wont call. the other half is cuz im very embarrassed by my issues.
and thats the full picture ofw hy i wont ask for help at this very moment.

I know how you feel. If I thought it'd help I'd go but I've been so many times, and it's just not worth it. I've never really been helped by hospitals. It's about acute "care", they put you on something and when you're "behaving" yourself for long enough they let you go. That's it. It's not about real help.

I'm embarrassed by my issues too. I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time.

idk what to do because if i made an appt with a therapist or even emrgncy with a psychiatrist and waited to see them theyd still put me in hospital.

its very clear how im feeling but im not wanting to goto a hospital.

I hate that nobody will actually help people when they need it. It's all about throwing people in hospitals for "acute care" that isn't really "care" at all most of the time and putting them on meds, if that doesn't "fix" it then there's basically no other resources for help. It's horrible, and frankly people like you and me deserve better treatment. Like actual treatment and help would be a good start but I'm starting to lose hope too.

Hospitals don't help that much. Recovery happens outside that place. I wish there were more recovery programs out in the community.

I was never really helped while in hospital. All I ever got out of that place was a lot of medication and a misdiagnosis. They also instilled a lot of fear in me.

Same here. Being misdiagnosed sucks. I'm still trying to sort out what was actually valid and what wasn't for me. It's so hard and I feel like everyone on here must secretly hate me because I've been so confused by everything.

I don't hate you at all. Actually I like you and I mean that too.

Thank you, seriously.

No problem.

I feel like I just screw up everything. I feel like a complete failure. I don't know what's with me today.

If you are referring to one of your threads, I screwed it up because I said too much. I do that a lot. I need to remind myself when to back off and stick to my PC posting rules.

It is hard to feel emotions in posts because there are no nonverbal cues to read. Sometimes posts can make me very paranoid.

You didn't screw anything up. It's really hard to read what's going on emotionally in people's posts, even for people who aren't on the autism spectrum.

I get paranoid as hell with posting too, sometimes I just stop posting for periods of time because of it.

I know. It is very easy to misconstrue a well intended post.

Sometimes I block PC on my computer via the host list because I need a break.

I hate how one stupid thing can kick up my paranoia. I don't want to say what it was that kicked this up, but it's related to ****ing MONEY so now I'm paranoid and scared out of my mind.

I don't hate you, Atypical.

Some days are harder than others.

I don't think anyone hates you and I think we're all confused to some extent and in a way talking to figure things out....hopefully you find the support you need here.

For newtus, atypical, little didgee, and anyone else, what do you think the ideal thing to help you would be? If you could choose something instead of the hospital, and you didn't have to worry about insurance or payments, or legal issues or anything like that, what would it be? What would "help" be?

(Btw I'm not being argumentative I'm asking because I am genuinely interested in your ideas)

@ willow - I hope you have a fun time going out with your friends!
The test was step one to see if I qualify for a job I want. It will be a long process. That's okay because I still have my current job, I just decided to go for it, because its something I wanted to try for a long time. I will get a letter saying how I did on the test, but I'm not sure how quickly.
I had an awesome long dog walk this evening. My wife has been sleeping because she doesn't feel well, so I made the best of it by myself. I hope she will just stay asleep through the night and feel better tomorrow.

Hey y'all! Sounds like we're all having a tough time right now. My truck broke down yesterday & is going to cost too much to fix. So I'm without transportation now. This sent me straight into a depression! I cried my eyes out last night til I fell asleep. Then had some voice of a girl crying out in what I think was a dream & also saw an image of a demon hovering over me as I layed in my bed. Scared me big time. Felt so real! The other night I could of sworn I hurt this same girl voice crying out. So I don't know what to think. The stress is just killing me & I had an anxiety attack today @ work & had to hide it from my boss. That was hard! I mean you know some days it's just unbearable! I try so freaking hard to keep it together & when things fall apart I just want to say the heck with it! Just want to disappear! So friends that's how my last few days have been. I've read y'all's last posts & I hear your struggles & am so sorry! Just know I feel your pain & I'm thinking of y'all & praying that things will get better for y'all too. And I don't hate you either Atypical & I agree with what you & Newtus posted about how hospitals don't help. I really wish there was a way for all of us to get real help too & that we wouldn't be made to feel ashamed of our problems. This is why being on Roll Call with y'all is such a blessing to me because I never had anyone to talk to about what goes on with me until I found y'all. I'm so thankful for y'all! Hang in there friends!

honestly?

if legal issues werent a problem id like to go and do stuff to …stuff…maybe to living stuff…….u k now….take revenge for the rest of my life….

um…but….if i couldnt go by the law….then honestly like …….its not about what id like to "invent" or have that never could be choice. just something that already exist that i wish they had more of.

my ideal thing would be like a team of people that would check up to once a week. in the beginning everyday. then span to week to week. than further until i dont need it anymore but i can have ability to come back to it when i need it. and not get denied it if i ask for it again. they have something like that i think - but I'm seeing that its proven hard to get. at least in my area. hm. and. from what i read googling - you have to be homeless or have done something criminal to get THAT much help. in a Way it makes sense it shouldn't be for people with JUST mental illness but i mean the VAGUE definition of just having mental illness. but it would make more sense to give it to people who have lacking in the most important areas of being able to live. INCLUDING SOCIAL LIVING. u know? social deficits. having no support system. u know. um…not just for criminally mentally ill people or homeless mentally ill people. but also even like u know people who first get ill with schiz. or even bipolar. ANY mental illness actually BUT!….BUT!…BUT only if the person is seriously in continous need for something like that. because i dont think theres enough for every single 1 out of 5 people in this country to have THAT much help….but for like serious stuff thats continuous and unrelenting - i think there should be more help.

also basically im sick of getting LOST in this system and forgotten i n this SYSTEM. I'm sick of gettgin told lies and getting pushed aside and covered up.

Cracking slowly - oh I HATE when the transportation breaks down!! It always costs way too much and is just so frustrating! Do you live in an area where you can catch a bus nearby? Do you have to work over the weekend? I hope you can do whatever you want this weekend instead. What would be relaxing or fun? Do you like to get out of the house, or cozy up at home? I hope you feel better!

I would like to talk to someone who was really qualified and honestly understand mental illness. I want to feel comfortable talking to this person and not feel judged. I don't want to be put of tons of medications. To me this only masks the underlining problems. I don't want to be pushed through the line like I'm cattle. I want a professional who really cares enough to seriously want to help me dig deep and pull out all the crap that's making me sick and let's face this mess head on and figure it out. I want to fix the problems so that I can be healed for good. I don't want Big Pharma to just fill me full of pills just so they can continue to get rich & so can the docs. I want to be taken seriously and believed. I want someone to explain to me why I'm so messed up in the head & teach me how to be healed. I don't want to be put in a hospital that does absolutely nothing for me. Help me fix my brain! This to me would be "real" help. Teach me what I need to learn about myself in order to be fixed. This is my personal opinion for me.

Hospitals have there roles but they are limited to prescribing medication and stabilizing people. After discharge what is left for a client. I often felt like they were clueless how to help outside their walls. All I was offered were referrals to social workers who had no interest in helping me.

I think there should be community programs that promote recovery, employment, and independent living. There isn't such a thing in my city except for assertive community treatment, which is reserved for people with severe mental illness. Others who can manage on their own but need support have a hard time getting it. They are often told to go to the hospital or seek help at places such as drop-in centres which may not be appropriate.

Services seem to be mostly for people with severe psychotic disorders. People with other disorders such as depression and/or anxiety seem to have to fend for themselves.

I have to beg for help. My psychiatrist is great but I don't think she knows how much I struggle. I try to let her know exactly what is going on but I think she sees too much hope (which is good), but it is blinding her from seeing what is really going on.

I really want to see an art therapist. I think this can really help me explore my life and hurts. It would be nice to have some home support too.

These are the words from a lady who has been hospitalized about 20 times.

@ newtus - I like your idea of having support come to you kind of as needed. (If I understand correctly?) They do have programs like this. You would probably have to work on getting that case manager to find out more about how it could work for you though.
Thank you for answering. I really do want to know what people want if they have more choices.