[Brosci]

My depression has taken a toll. I think the voices in my head are gone for the most part but I"m mostly paranoid now and don't trust anybody. Somebody in my dorm i knew from before and told some people my drama from before. I also think people are always talking about me and I learned it was correct. I can't tell if this stems from me being bullying and stalked but one time when I was walking this man in a van late at night was breaking his neck looking at me calling me adorable and stuff. I'm good like 80% of the time but the rest of the time I'm paranoid and think people are going through my online emails and stuff since someone had actually found a old forum account of mine and told people about it.I then realized that hang out with people or listening to music stops me from overthinking like when I'm by myself I see some people I knew from highschool but nothing big I don't even really see them that much. I just feel really depressed. One other feeling I've wanted for the longest is the feeling of being loved or having someone other then family that cared about me like a girlfriend. I've never been in a relationship even though I always have lots of oppurtunities . It's like I'm just totally akward with talking to people i find attractive. i don't know how to start a conversation or something. I used to talk to my mom alot late at night for a hour or so or whatever so I guess this helped me out alot but i've always wanted to experience a romantic relationship with someone else. Theres like 2-3 girls that caught my eye but i'm so depressed I don't think I'll do anything. But I also feel like i'm just making a excuse. I'm not a needy person and like my space alot but there are parts of the day I'd rather not hang out by myself or with some friends i made. I can't function during the day without wanting to cry or feeling paranoid. I tried calling some psychiatrist but they always call back when i'm busy.and I always call when they're busy

[kaliope]

well I hope that you are able to connect with a pdoc soon. it does not sound like you are paranoid without a reason as people have been in your accounts and have been validly talking about you. you don't say whether you have many friends but perhaps you could invite some of these girls to get together socially with a group of your friends and that would take some of the pressure off. keep posting here. we have the depression forum. perhaps that could help. take care.

[mimi2112]

Hi Brosci
I was wondering how you have been! I am sorry you are depressed. It sounds like you are back in school? That's cool and an opportunity for distraction; also it's an oppurtunity to get ahold of a school counselor who could pull strings for you in getting in to see a pdoc. I really hope you don't give up on counseling/ and pdoc.

[likewater]

Hi, Brosci. Pdocs can be difficult to get a hold of. Maybe you could ask them to leave you a message with the best time and day to get ahold of them? As for romantic relationships , can you do any group activities at school pertaining to interests that you enjoy? That could help you feel less self- conscious and make friends and maybe lead to a girlfriend. I'm sorry to hear someone invaded your privacy. I don't even understand why individuals would do that. Don't they have enough problems of their own without having to pry into other people's lives? Or maybe we should feel a little sorry for these snoops. They must lead incredibly small, unimaginative and boring lives and the only way they can find a glimmer of authenticity is by hacking into someone else's life. Sending you hugs. May angels surround you.

[medicalfox]

I agree with everything that has been said. Joining a club or a group at a college is a great way to make friends and helps your mood. I'm not Asian, but my best friend is and I joined her Asian club and made some friends at our college. We all went to the beach which was nice even though I'm not super social and I enjoyed their Japanese candies. Also on the side note on the wanting a relationship, being outgoing even though you're awkward isn't a bad thing. I'm awkward from my autism and when I first met my significant other I asked for his cell number then a few days later asked him to go out on a date with me. His friends thought it was kinda weird, but I didn't care and he didn't either. I hope everything goes well for you and you manage to reach your pdoc. Maybe you can leave a message telling them when you're available to accept calls?

[Brosci]

Originally Posted by mimi2112

Hi Brosci
I was wondering how you have been! I am sorry you are depressed. It sounds like you are back in school? That's cool and an opportunity for distraction; also it's an oppurtunity to get ahold of a school counselor who could pull strings for you in getting in to see a pdoc. I really hope you don't give up on counseling/ and pdoc.

Yah I started college so I've been busy and the pdocs never call back so I'm going to have to use the school counselor. Just been so busy. I've been in a good mood when I'm hanging with friends or people i met but when they either commute back home or whatever is over I get bored. I went out a few times at night a couple hours but I've been walking around alot in the city and listening to music since it makes me feel in peace.

[Brosci]

Originally Posted by likewater

Hi, Brosci. Pdocs can be difficult to get a hold of. Maybe you could ask them to leave you a message with the best time and day to get ahold of them? As for romantic relationships , can you do any group activities at school pertaining to interests that you enjoy? That could help you feel less self- conscious and make friends and maybe lead to a girlfriend. I'm sorry to hear someone invaded your privacy. I don't even understand why individuals would do that. Don't they have enough problems of their own without having to pry into other people's lives? Or maybe we should feel a little sorry for these snoops. They must lead incredibly small, unimaginative and boring lives and the only way they can find a glimmer of authenticity is by hacking into someone else's life. Sending you hugs. May angels surround you.

I've made a few friends and had a descent time in class. I've had a descent time better then highschool but i'm bored at night. Theres like 2 girls on my dorm floor i'm interested in but that's about it and also some more on the other floors. Theres a big lounge on the floor so I see them barely had any convos with them. I thought one was interested around me but I feel confused.I've said a few sentences to one and she felt cold but I think I was just overthinking. It's like I'm to shy to say hi the first two days and it's like the only person on the floor I won't talk to is her. It's akward.One of my biggest advantages has been my looks the last few years so I always get more oppurtunities I just am really akward and depressed. I notice she flirts with other guys in front of me. I spent like a hour sitting in the lounge watching her talk to some guy and stuff in front of me. I stale faced her though. It's like I just always feel emotionless so even though I was mad i didn't show it and just sat there and listened to music. I don't know if this is cheesy but sometimes I just want someone to cuddle with after a long day of hanging out. I have a easy time talking to girls I"m not interested in lately or who have boyfriends and made some female friends but that's it. Also there is one other that kept on staring at me in my lecture class but I was having a bad depressive episode and was teary eyed more then usual and I think she noticed. i don't really think I need a girl I just want one . I want to be happy with myself first

[Brosci]

Originally Posted by medicalfox

I agree with everything that has been said. Joining a club or a group at a college is a great way to make friends and helps your mood. I'm not Asian, but my best friend is and I joined her Asian club and made some friends at our college. We all went to the beach which was nice even though I'm not super social and I enjoyed their Japanese candies. Also on the side note on the wanting a relationship, being outgoing even though you're awkward isn't a bad thing. I'm awkward from my autism and when I first met my significant other I asked for his cell number then a few days later asked him to go out on a date with me. His friends thought it was kinda weird, but I didn't care and he didn't either. I hope everything goes well for you and you manage to reach your pdoc. Maybe you can leave a message telling them when you're available to accept calls?

I guess. Even though I have all these problems I just feel like it's routed in feeling self concious and depressed with low self esteem that I developed from being overweight most of my life. Because of that I just feel really lonely.

[medicalfox]

Colleges have gyms, maybe you can workout at one which will help a lot. It really helps boost your confidence, helps with your mood and you will lose weight. If you do weight training( lifting) you will start to weigh more because you're building muscle, but you will be slimming down from burning fat. Cardio burns fat the quickest so hoping on a bike for 30 mins a day will make quite the difference. If you don't like to go to the gym you can ride a bike around campus and the surrounding area. I hope this helps and I'm sorry you feel that way

[Brosci]

Originally Posted by medicalfox

Colleges have gyms, maybe you can workout at one which will help a lot. It really helps boost your confidence, helps with your mood and you will lose weight. If you do weight training( lifting) you will start to weigh more because you're building muscle, but you will be slimming down from burning fat. Cardio burns fat the quickest so hoping on a bike for 30 mins a day will make quite the difference. If you don't like to go to the gym you can ride a bike around campus and the surrounding area. I hope this helps and I'm sorry you feel that way

I go to college in city so I end up walking alot just to go to class and hang out to the point i'm tired everyday.I'm in good shape right now like 175 6'0. I would like to burn like 5 -6 pounds though and get my cardio up so i'll try the gym

[Brosci]

It's so weird how i'm confident with some people but not with others. One of these girls has the weirdest looking eyes ever and they make me all nervous when she looks at me with them. I've never met a black girl with eyes like that.