Roll Call Twelve

@twigg - sometimes only briefly, sometimes on a heavy visual day things may twist all day, but more commonly for multiple minutes.
@faerie-I also see my own face morph in the mirror sometimes. That's very unpleasant.

i just wanted to break tension

The most common one for me is curtains moving. I can never tell if they are actually moving or not - they're always moving to me. The best way I can describe them is like when you see optical illusions, like this (don't click on if you don't like optical illusions or bright colours!):

http://www.anidolheart.com/wp-conten...s-rotating.png

i see my therapist tomorrow

well see how this goes

hope everything goes well.

@newtus you look like someone I used to know. I am certain you are not she, but I always am reminded when you post pictures.

interesting. is this person a good person to you?

i came up with this theory while half alseep

its somethig i call Calculating Apples. where the more you collect figuratively in life - the more you are guaranteed into hell. collecting apples by doing things u do or saying things you say. collecting apples would not be a good thing in this theory. you wanna calculate the least amount of apples before you die. if you have a lot you are more gauranteed into Hell. and the gates of hades.

I think too much! If I could just turn off my brain for a bit I think it would help. I went down memory lane a while ago and it made me feel more depressed. It also made me realize just how "unwell" I really am. Makes me sad to know that I don't know how to fix myself. Makes me feel really bad. Makes me want to crawl into my bed and hide from the world. I wish I could pretend to be someone else. Maybe then I could find friends and acceptance. I'm feeling pretty low tonight. The holiday time really makes me think and get depressed. Thanksgiving.....giving thanks???

ive become numb to holidays.
like i dont feel them anymore or the joy or love.
its just any other day to me.
ever since my parents divorce it has become that way. evene most holidays i dont celebrate anymore. i dont ask for gifts. i give them. i dont celebrate halloween anymore or any holiday except giving gifts on christmas anymore. i get gifts on my bday even but dont ask anymore for stuff. dont do anythng special.

@newtus - she was all right.

@cracking - my wife and I do not celebrate holidays, and we really enjoy how we get to sidestep all that obligation and stress! We enjoy celebrating random 'just because' days instead. works a lot better for us.

Can schizophrenia come in phases? Like, can you have weeks where you're symptom free and weeks where you aren't? Like bipolar.

i believe you can

Yes you can. It's a rare case where someone is floridly psychotic 24/7/365.

I was wondering the same thing Twigg

Newtus: Holidays are weird times. I think that the media has really turned them into this thing that very few people actually acheive. That's why I like movies like Christmas Vacation or Christmas with the Kranks because they like show how kind of ridiculous the whole thing really is. Plus, like, I think everyone goes through times when you just don't feel it any more. My dad had many years where he didn't want anything to do with any of it after my mom died. What brought him back around was his boss had one of those Christmas villages (little tiny houses that light up.) Anyway... he got into this kind of competition to build a cooler village. He was obsessed, I think the first year we bought 15 houses. LOL... but, you know, it started a new tradition and now it would be weird to not have the village. So I guess the whole thing is sometimes you just find what works for you and that's the important thing.

Gr3tta: Your celebrating random days reminds me of Festivus. I think that's cool.

AD/Twigg: You know, I always have this big question about my dx, because of what happened to me. I And although I don't have the same issues now, I wonder how likely it is it will happen again, if I'm just in an "in between" type of state, and if I'll ever have any real answers (which I probably won't.)

Is it called acute schizophrenia when it comes in phases?

I don't think so... ?

No acute is just when you have rapid onset vs insidious which can take a couple of years to come on.

Sorry for my ignorance, I'm new to all of this.

No I only know because I had an acute onset psychosis and its considered easier to treat---its not like you should already know or something---that's presumably one of the reasons why you're here right?

I initially joined to discuss depression mainly but ever since my pdoc mentioned I had some psychotic symptoms I have been more interested in that side of things.

I'm not doing very well. I'm not having many hallucinations, but I'm in a mixed bipolar episode and my anxiety is very high. I can't seem to leave the house without having a panic attack and the neurologist isn't sure if I have epilepsy so I have to see him in February.

saw my therapist today

says im still sick with hallucinations after i told her about the demons i see