Roll Call Twelve

Being skinny is not that great. Being toned (having some muscle) is much better for you and it is more attractive. I am similar size to the girl you posted a picture of and I want to be toned which is what I'm working on by going to the gym. Google "toned women" and you will see how much better it is to be toned than to be ridiculously skinny. Plus toned women have strength and are more fit which is an added bonus.

I went trail running today with my friend since I have been staying at home all week. Afterwards we went back to his house and his girlfriend made us hot cocoa which was nice. I've been having weird dreams/nightmares lately and I'm not sure why. One of them was about that ghost girl thing and recently my snowflake obsidians have gone missing which is odd. I have my black tourmaline and now a purple fluorite so I still feel safe thankfully.

Well I'm going home for the holidays tomorrow...I was worried about driving so my dad came out to drive me there...it's like a five hour train but I need to be able to take my bird so he took the train my way to pick me up. My car wouldn't start today! Had to call AAA. We had to drive it around an hour just to get the battery working again. Thank god he was out here to deal with it instead of me...ironically he just bought me one of those battery jumpstarters but of course it's five hours away in Michigan! Oh well.

every tells me that but im not looking to look attractive. im looking to look skinny. i dont have the type of body shape that promotes skinnyness so its bad to begin with.

if i had the guts to throw up my food i would but i dont.
i should just bring it on with my mind. instead of my finger. like think of something gross.

im dying to be skinny.

the more psychotic i am the less i eat
that helps some

This way of thinking is not good. I worry about you Newtus!

i might be incapable of developing eating disorder

i seem to have the health of an average person minus the Sz and Trichotillomania. about the average person...i got little stuff here and there.

the chances of developing that so might be slim to none so i may have nothing to worry about

one of the worst feelings is having something to tell SOMEbody and not being able to tell anyONE.

i admit to punching my dad sometimes

That was random.

Don't hurt your dad.

Love instead.

Wow! That's terrible, terrible behavior!!!!

Newtus you've got to find other ways of dealing with your anger towards your dad. You CANNOT punch him! You can punch a pillow or a wall but NEVER your dad. I know you love your dad and you should always treat him with love. Never with punching!

I realize this sudden dad-punching confession probably trumps it, but I would still like to say that I find this notion that you can develop an eating disorder because you want to VERY offensive. That's like saying hearing voices sounds like fun iakm going to develop schizophrenia. You want to go on an extreme diet and lose a bunch of weight - go ahead - it does not mean you have an eating disorder. An eating disorder is a REAL disease. Its not a joke. Its the mental illness with the highest mortality rate of all and everyone acts likes its something you can casually acquire. Its not. Its real, its painful, its not pretty, and I get really pissed about the attitude I see towards it. I'm disappointed when I see it in the boards on pc in addition to everywhere else in life.

I think psychiatrists also contribute to this way of thinking. Some seem so eager to diagnose patients with "everything". When I first started seeing mine, she told me I probably had a eating disorder. Why? I am small and I refuse to eat in restaurants. One nasty bout of food poisoning triggered this. I am terrified of going through that again, so I avoid eating out. I am also a picky eater, because I have severe lactose intolerance.

I always thought my food fears were related to OCD. Now, that I am on an SSRI, my food contamination worries are not much of a concern.

unfortunately i was saying i CANNOT develop and eating disorder no matter how hard i try.

so i knew thatd be taken out of context.

i know i cant so i feel its ok for me to not eat. its impossible for to have one. i have enough problems. i cannot develop and eating disorder.

so with that said i can go ahead and not eat. doesnt mean i have an eating disorder

i think my nurse already thinks i have an eating disorder and doc too. but i cannot put this weight on again after i had a bout with pre-diabetes in my past and im NOT gaining weight again because I AM NOT GETTING DIABETES.

WHY cannot talk about things here anymore hm? tell me?

without them being taken out of context.

idc what you all say. 117 is fat and YOU KNOW IT. we ALL SEE IT. thats what im at now. i lost 2 pounds overnight. - - -so dont play like its petty average weight. no one wants that sh_T.

i just punch him in the arm or leg NOT IN THE FACE. hes in his late 60s and gets drunk and acts crazy drunk.

so why does everyone ALWAYS want to gang up on me. i try to honest on these boards and i speak my mind more than anyone here.

this english breakfast tea tastes liek spaghetti

Oh to heck with it. I am not even going to try to explain. You're obviously not interested in any point of view which differs from your own. And I know that! Stupid me for trying!

...im sorry

I feel a lot more stable than I have been recently, I think my meds are doing their job. I'm still having episodes but they're not as severe or lasting as long as they used to. I also feel more open with talking even when I am having an episode, and that's a big deal for me. I usually keep things to myself when I'm feeling bad, but I recognize that this isn't a healthy pattern of behavior to be hiding things all the time so I'm trying not to as much.

Newtus I am sorry that you felt ganged up on. I wasn't trying to make you feel that way. I was only trying to get you to see things another way. I respect what you post. But I may not always see it your way. I'm only trying to help you.

I think this makes a lot of sense to not want to gain weight because of your past experiences. I have an eating disorder and I don't feel insulted in any way by what you post.

No matter where you punch him you should NEVER do so. Hitting someone is NEVER the answer. No matter what stupid stuff he does when he is drunk you CANNOT hit your dad. You seriously need to learn to walk away when he pisses you off. Go for a walk, go for a car ride, or go to your mom's house. But please STOP punching your dad!

ok i understand