Roll Call 14

My thoughts are racing so fast it's starting to get hard to concentrate on anything. I'm so angry. This is ********.

I called my pdoc and left a message. I'm waiting for her to call me back.

I would think it doesn't so much bother them personally, or if it does, that is irrelevant, but since their job is to help you do better psychosocially, coping with and to some extent fitting into social norms is a critical skill. It's adaptive. Doesn't mean you permanently change yourself, but you fit in and are able to access connections, roles, information in the world that is dominated by people.

I have been troubled with residual symptoms since I last got ill. Usually they don't impair my functioning unless I get a flare-up, which is why I have had to take antipsychotics from time to time since then. Because my hallucinations usually don't really interfere with daily life, I don't mention them.

Wow, that psychiatrist had such a simplistic explanation. Reminds me of the diagnosis machine in Idiocracy. (That's not a compliment!)

Have you ever heard of Rat Park? Wikipedia has a big article on it, but the gist of this scientific research was that drugs are not that addicting if someone has a rich environment. This is the basis of my belief that the wrong environment causes many self-destructive behaviours/habits, and the right environment cures many, if we can stay in it enough. Think of how many of us feel in a natural place such as a forest or by a lake or river. It's healing. It's fitting. It feels sane. But stick me on a bus with people bumping me and I can get rabid pretty quick. Or a big party. I want to shut down, and only a supreme effort and years of training makes me able to cope better than that for a little while. I expect this relates to psychological problems well beyond addiction, as well.

@Sometimes-i am unconcerned with fitting into a diagnosis. I've been coping with seeing and hearing things real only to me since childhood. I have no reason to seek treatment for psychosis. I'm a much better expert. i know this may change some day, but i think i am better off dealing as i always have until then. When i did have a true break, i found my way back. I know i cant count on that, but im also not going to count on my owwn failure. I have already survived a lot of terrible and strange things. I am nothing if not creatively resilient.

tattoos wouldnt be such a bad idea didgee i never thought of that.

this is the type of tattoos i like. i like the anatomical ones like zombie boy.








the ones that show the human body.
im OBSESSED with grays anatomy. THE BOOK. and all the human body drawings.

Im covered in tattoos. full arms, fill legs ,full back.....they hurt but in a good way. lol

forreal?! thats so bada_ss

i just have guages (peircings. stretched ears)

That's great---I mean to me the dx's really offer little insight at all---I'm glad you've been able to stay out of the system...it really the changes how you feel about yourself and even how society works in general...it's made me so much more insecure----I sometimes have to walk through the psych offices to get to my department office and I always sort of wince and feel like they might just jump out and grab me and lock me up or something. I mean I know that would never really happen---but you know for a split second you think what if...

and, you know, i believe all people with mi shoudl be more like a community and family. We should all stick together and help each other. It doesn't matter what dx you have or why you ended up there. We're all in this together to get better. And when our healthcare team fails us, we need each other for support.

I have these too but I took them out because it is too cold. My plugs are stainless steel and make my earlobes freeze even with a hat on.

They are 00. I'd like to go a little bit larger but not too much, because I want to work sometime in the near future.

here is one on my forearm.

Your pic did not show up.

I came close one time when i confessed to the police. I was confused and bloody and thought i had hurt someone else. (I hadn't. ) i had been climbing buildings after rats and birds and reading sky writing. Once they cconvinced me i had not in fact committed a crime, i realized maybe i was having some errors in my judgment. They sent me to the hospital for injuries, and to avoid being held as a psych patient i told them i had accidentally ingested LSD. I managed to behave myself for the few hours i was there and they let me leave.

I dont know how to do this. I posted it as my signature and I can see it but no one else? oh well. sorry.