Roll Call 17

O hun, I get it. My daughter had a strobe light, night light, lava lamp, tv blaring, radio blasting every night for the same reason.
With her med change, it is a lot less but still there.

OMG...

Yes, i remember now about blending your food. Blah! That would make me puke not help me eat....

I can't even wear make-up any more, so I don't blame you. Make-up isn't important. It's superficial. Self-care symptoms are tough. I think you'll know when you're ready and no one can force you. His suggestions aren't helpful, just judgemental.

i dont want to wear make up anymore. i used to wear it in high school.

he can be very judgemental. i think thats the word im looking for. judgemental.

one of my family members said im always changing pdocs. i havent changed in almost 2 years (over 1 1/2). somethings gotta give. because my dad wants me to stay with this one but i dont want to anymore.

i told him i was showering more and im not. oh well. i had to dress up nice today. cuz hes always commenting on my clothes. about how clean they are.

gah! im hearing voices. not new for me oh well.

im back from my moms....i feel empty for some reason. i felt bad leaving my mom . not sure why. sometimes i read into these feelings too much and think something bad is going to happen to her. sometimes i find myself thinking about when she dies and how hard its going to be for me. then im like wtf am i doing. but ive already started crying and thought about it. i cant control it.

I don't feel like I need olanzapine any more but my psychiatrist has kept me on it for some reason. I've not had psychotic symptoms in a while now too.

Newtus: I used to wear make-up in high school also. I don't like it any more either. It's just time consuming to put it on and for what? I don't think it makes me look better or anything. I think it would be more helpful if your pdoc can help you understand symptoms of self-care and how to cope or ways to make you feel better so you can better care for yourself. I know when I was going through trauma I didn't take showers for weeks a time. i didn't even feel like I needed it. Then at one point when I felt better I got a nice soap and took a shower one day and I felt like I was washing the pain off of me. I really wasn't, but it made me feel human again. But no one could make me, I had to get to that point on my own.

junkDNA: I know it's hard but try not to focus on things you can't control. I'm sorry you feel so bad today.

Twigg: I don't know much about meds but maybe you can talk to the pdoc and find out if there is a chance to come off the meds or taper them down?

i know its risky but i made an appt for another doc. i only have so many choice and if this one fails im going to have to go back to the clinic. its not easy changing pdocs because i dont want to "doctor jump". if you know what i mean.

Makeup! Man I only wore that to dance recitals when I was little and it was like the blue eye shadow with bright red lipstick! Yeah chapstick is good enough for me...

I think its a good thing...this guy sounds like a real jerk...I'm telling you he's totally using that algorithm because it had the hygiene stuff on there too...

I agree with Sometimes... it's worth the risk. Maybe your dad doesn't understand because he just wants you well and is worried. But he will see a huge difference and you will feel so much better if you're with a doctor you are comfortable with vs. one who is mean to you.

i bet he is using the algorithm too. how do i know this new one wont?

he does want me well. and its not a mean doctor hes just very judgemental. other than putting me on injections hes a good doc.

My understanding is the docs who are directly employed by the state of Texas have to use that algorithm so you need someone private who will still take your insurance---they all have the ability to override the algorithm though if they feel like doing extra paperwork and I think the nice ones would do that...
The only way you will know for sure though is to talk to them...

so your not sure this new one wont do that?

i mean if i have medicare then that insurance is by the state isnt it? or am i thinking this wrong?

my sis says im always getting a new doc and thats part of the reason why i dont have many choices as it is. that plus 5 of them that take my insruance work in the same clinic as my current one.

Your insurance is federal...some private docs will take it some state docs will take it...I have no idea how you know if a doc works for the state or not, here they are associated with the state hospitals but we don't regulate them like you guys do and some places don't have state hospitals but do have clinics etc that are run by the state. At the same time a private doc can choose to use whatever algorithm he or she wants so there is no guarantee with anyone.

hm so i dont even really know if this new one will use it or not. that really isnt good. my state has state hospitals.

I'm flipping out. I can't go into it without sounding... you know ... but yeah I'm having a very bad day.

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Sorry you're having a bad day.

Newtus, the receptionist for the pdoc can tell you if they accept Medicare.

Oh my god, I'm not the only one who has considered a strobe light and a radio??

Try it. It really helped her. Justmake sure no one in your home has epilepsy! The strobe is intense! Lol
She doesnt need all those things now but it did help her a lot. Strobe for visuals, radio for audio hallucinations.

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(((hugs)))

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Changed user.

Changed user

they told me they did and would call back in 15 min. that was 2 hours ago