Roll Call 17

Wow, mine is lame. I have another username that I use on sites where I *want* people to know who I am, but I couldn't use that here. So I just listed my favorite colors. #creativity

Also, I was checking up on the ADHD meds I was prescribed as a kid on Wikipedia (I just found out they were Strattera and Ritalin) and found this...

Not sure what to think...

So my name is even more obvious...my favorite so far though is atypical disaster...I never realized she was talking about the meds until she explained it

As far as the ADHD meds....well there is zero you can change about that unless you are still on them now...it absolutely could have been a factor but what is done cannot be undone unfortunately...I would grieve the possibilities and move on...

Without the point. Intersections and lines. Not doing well.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah, I wasn't so much angry as I was surprised. Like, I'll never know if I would have been "normal" if I hadn't taken them. But yeah, it's too late to undo anything.

Ok, this may be kind of silly, but I got really excited about a way to figure out when I'm having visuals. I heard from someone that you could use a lazer pointer on people to see if the light went through them, but that never worked for me. But when I was talking to a friend about them, she asked me to take a photo of them, and I realized that they don't show up in pictures. So as long as I have my phone on me, I can kind of test whether something is really there. Feeling of accomplishment achieved.

Atypical: Thanks for keeping us in the loop though.

Yeah the problem for me is typically the visuals were so integrated into the image and it's like my thinking was impaired enough that I didn't even think to test things at all. Even if a visual broke all the rules some delusion would just come up that we were no longer in the real world but in the spirit world or the dream world. But yeah they remain in focus if I don't have my glasses on and weird stuff like that so I could totally id them if I had a rational thought process at the time. But I'm glad the phone will work for you...I also use the record feature on Evernote to figure out the auditory because sometimes the neighbors actually are loud you know.

Yeah, sometimes I feel like, of course they're not going to show up on camera, they're not fully integrated into this dimension... Plus the camera thing doesn't work on panoramic visions because I can't even see the camera. And the demons move too quickly for me to catch them on film. But it helps with the people and the distortions.

I think I'm just having a good day. The last two times I went to the doctor, I couldn't really have a conversation because of bad thought blocking and thought withdrawal and stuff. But today I went and was able to say most of what I wanted to. I can actually read long pieces of text as well. But we'll see if it lasts.

Nothing directly primarily psychosis related is my main struggle at the moment. I can't really discuss it here, because i know from previous experience it won't go over well.
... But thats where I'm at.

For me if I "hear" something or "see" something it is very, very real to me during the time that it is happening. There have been things that I "saw" or "heard" years ago that I have just realized in the last year that I was wrong about. I know that now but it has always been "REAL" to me. I constantly second guess myself on everything for fear that I could possibly be wrong again.

I will even ask my kids if they see it or hear it to make sure that I'm not the only one experiencing whatever it is.

That's very sad isn't it....

Not at all. That's what it was like for me until I found the camera trick, which worked for me (well, somewhat). But it probably doesn't work for everyone...

I don't know if you've heard of Intervoice, but they're an organization that argues that we shouldn't immediately treat voice-hearing as a problem, and that people should try different methods of dealing with hearing voices.

I think the same could be said about visuals, but the fact that they're less common means there's less information out there about them.

So far I've tried the camera trick, mirrors, glasses, and laser pointers. Glasses worked somewhat (not for distortions or visions), but I wear contacts most of the day, so that's out. Mirrors and laser pointers didn't work. The camera trick is the only thing that makes me feel like I have some control, instead of being dependent on doctors and meds for everything (especially when those don't work)... It doesn't work for all my visuals, but it gives me hope.

So now that I have something, I feel like people who see things shouldn't give up. Just like the voice-hearers, there could be something out there, you just might have to experiment...

Sorry if I sounded dogmatic at first. I'm just trying to get the most out of this clarity before it goes away. But I totally get where you're coming from.

I'm up entirely too early again. I can't enjoy the quiet because the voices are talking to me. Puffs of smoke running across time. I have no concept of it. I am a point in this endless game of a line. Life is inherently full of lines. Time crosses them and there's a world.

im up.
very jittery today.
nervous. anxiety.

About that article,
That whole ADHD meds as a kid thing.....
Wow. I was always anti med until Bean was born and then I was desperate for something just to keep her from killing herself doing crazy things like jumping out the window or using the stove, scissors in the middle of the night...
Those ADHD meds didnt really help unless she was calm when she took them, then they would work for like, 2 hours. Still, she was up all night cutting her hair, plucking her face in a mirror, etc. I would find a trail of activities she did in the morning. 5-11 years old. I didnt know what to do.
I think if I had to do it all over again, I would stand my ground and demand more help. Demand that they find out what is really going on. But I think we would have had the same results. We had a county pdoc and all these studies are just now coming out.

When she turned 12 is when all hell broke loose, we moved to another county, she was hospitalized and she finally got the proper help and meds she needed AND for the first time, she sleeps.
It seems a lot of kids with serious MI start out diagnosed as ADHD. It seems most look this way when they are young. Im glad they are doing research on this because it seems so many are on a stimulant. This is big news.
Although in Beans case there are 3 cases of schizophrenia in a close relative. We only knew of 1 when she was born and thought nothing of it.
Thank you for posting that info!

i wasnt diagnosed adhd as a kid. i was diagnosed with depression and then psychotic depression . then schizoaffective with depression and then schizophrenia.

Poor Penelope. She was yelping and it turns out my uncle Tim's dogs was stuck in her. Great the last thing we need is puppies.

uncle tims dog was stuck IN her???

We still have teachers and people telling us she is hyperactive and needs ritalin. lol
Her pdoc says she is just symptomatic. Nothing will totally get rid of it. She is restless all the time but with the thorazine, it has improved. Its frustrating though when at each teachers meeting they bring up how hyperactive she is and needs meds for this. ugg. She cant stay sitting in a room for more than 15 minutes at a time before she needs to go see the guidance counselor for a break. Not all restlessness and agitation is ADHD for heavens sake! She sees and hears things! yea, that would make me have to get up and leave class too! Or be distracted in class! Do you know how many times I have to repeat this???
Okay. Rant over....

OMGosh Erti!
What breed of dogs are they?

Not IN her....you know, IN her....lol
mating, breeding, intercourse....
When dogs breed, the males penis swells and gets stuck inside the female for up to an hour to ensure pregnancy. They kind of just stand there until his penis goes down and releases. If they try to pull apart too soon, its painful.

This is one thing I've heard about teachers today its like they can't handle anyone who's different----they tend to dx them all ADHD and demand they be medicated because it makes their job easier. I think its ridiculous... these drugs are not candy and they likely alter the developing brain for life and now the most recent studies suggest that they don't actually cause a performance increase over time. Plus my god giving stimulants to someone with sz would be a firestorm the chemical pathways involved are the exact opposite----amphetamines are known to induce psychosis and that's basically what ADHD meds are. So yeah way to stand your ground and keep it up...

I concur with the amphetamine/psychosis link. Methylphenidate wrecked me.

oh yea i remember hearing something like that. gross.

Penelope is a pure bread chihuahua and my uncle Tim's dog is a papillon mix (he's bigger than a pure bread papillon)

Kind of brings a whole new meaning to cuddling after, LOL....

sooo I guess in a couple of months you will have some papihuahua pups!

Dear god I hope not. Ha slim chance she won't though. Lol it happened twice today.

They weighed me at the pdocs and lost 7 pounds since being off my meds. Woot... Let's hope I keep the weight off but could be wishful thinking.