Roll Call 17

I am scared.
Everything I'm doing about it is making it worse. And the worst thing is, ironically, that my biggest fear is that no matter what i do i won't be able to make it bad enough.

Bad enough for what? Can you do something distracting?

holding my breath when i hiccup works

Bad enough to....i dont know. Do something.
Distraction? My whole life has been one long effing distraction.

This is new...normally you're on here supporting everybody else....it actually makes me realize I don't know all that much about you so I'm not sure what to suggest...anyway we're all here for you if you want to talk about it..

Well now i feel like im not playing my assigned role. And maybe thats exactly also my point.

Nevermind then.

My ex-boyfriend was assigned the "level headed" one out of my group of friends. He's a good advice giver and everything but it doesn't stop him from needing advice/support. He suffers from depression.

You don't have an assigned role...we give and receive help here...it changes based on the day...or the hour...or whatever...

Ooh I'm a magnate now although it makes me think of magnets and not much else...must have been chatty lately...

Sometimes: Do you like anime? I notice a picture in your profile of an anime character.

Ha! Thats a joke and I'm sure you know it. But thanks anyway.

That is meracle....we went through a phase on here of superheroes we would like to be and I picked a video game character from star ocean....she is an awesome cat girl fighter...amazingly fast....I tend to play mostly rogues and other light fast fighters...I'm not much for defense...

How about you are you into anime?

Was hoping but it can be hard to tell and I'd rather not take the chance you were serious about it...it reminds me of when I said something about being weird to my cbt therapist in our last or near last session and I meant it in a good way...I'm pretty xenophillic so weird is good but we had to go thought to make sure I wasn't saying something negative about myself...

Awesome.

Yeah! I love anime. Ever since a friend in middle school let me read one of her manga's. Now that I'm older I regularly go to anime conventions.

Honestly not trying to be difficult but i understand zero of this post.

Eh not really important...not sure I can explain it better...sort of started rambling...

Well if even you dont find it relevant, how am i supposed to???

Well I was just trying to say I was glad your statement was a joke but I felt the need to make sure you were kidding because it's really hard to interpret on the net sometimes.

Then I was just sharing an example of when someone did that to me...ie my therapist called me out on saying I was weird because she didn't know if I was being negative about myself or not.

I'm not sure if that clarified or not?

Wait! You honestly thought i was joking? About what?

About your assigned role? Looking back were you saying that what I said was a joke like you couldn't get help here or something? I'm totally confused now...so I think that makes two of us...

I wasnt joking. Not at all. I was being very serious. Maybe i shouldn't have been.

No I mean I always appreciate the positive energy you bring on here but you're certainly allowed to be sick and get support when you need it...just like everyone else...

Well it certainly doesn't sound like it! Sounds like i'll be perceived as joking if i have the audacity to even suggest i might be in need of support!

I'm off to bed but if you change your mind we're all here to help...

to all of you here on Roll Call who are struggling.