i've been through a lot - i was hospitalised/sectioned 4 times, & was in addiction/alcoholism, involved in criminality & went through a lot of severe psychosis.

i've made a good recovery - am 12 years clean & sober, have lived independently for that time, & have had 9 years of relative stability.

But i'm not without difficulties & struggles. i've been out of work for 15 years. Have been on neuroleptic medication for 15 years as well. Family dynamics are hard, & my last 2 remaining close family members are unwell. i get bouts of severe anxiety, depression, odd mental & emotional states, problems with sleep, physical ailments, & it's often a struggle coping a day at a time.

i'm currently under a lot of pressures with the DWP (benefits agency) - there is a big shake up currently with the benefits system in the UK. i've had a lot of apprehensions & fears that benefits will be stopped at some stage, & have always had fears of homelessness.

Given my history, condition & circumstances, it can be very difficult to see how i can further things from where i am?

i'm largely content to plod on with my life, as i do - but that is becoming increasingly hard to be left alone to do that, with support from benefits.

i'm 41 this year, & life hasn't been easy.

I can understand your fear about losing benefits and becoming homeless as I struggle with that too. I've been on ESA since 2011 and am terrified about what's going to happen in the future. Do you have a supportive Dr? My last pdoc was very supportive and based on his report I didn't have to go through the ordeal of attending a face-to-face assessment when my review was due. Unfortunately I had to move back in with my parents and so change pdocs and my new ones are very unsupportive, which has intensified my fears of being kicked off benefits... Anyway having a Dr who's on your side is really important.

All the best

*Willow*

Hi Willow - Sorry to hear of all your struggles with it all as well. i was fully discharged back to the GP over a year ago. i had to fight the whole ESA process > Forms, evidence, interview, appeal & tribunal - Have been given 6 months reprieve - 4 months left, then i expect that whole process will start back up again. The whole thing has caused a lot of stress & worry. Not a lot i can really do except state my case?

ESA regulations 29 or 35 are the best bet for winning an appeal.

The GP is OK, but i got very little in the way of any medical evidence, which is complicated with the great difficulty in accessing psychiatric records.

i was going to write to the papers - but what do they care?

i despair of it all some days. This Government has targeted the most vulnerable in society - Nazi bullies.

Thought that i would add to this thread, rather than start a new one.

i'm struggling to cope. i don't feel too well. i know that i need to try & address certain things, but i find it very hard to, & feel that i need a lot more in the way of support. Support that i find very hard to access & source in my life.

i have written a long letter to the GP (Doctor) explaining my circumstances & worries with everything.

There is a lot of ongoing stress, worry & anxiety with family & all the dynamics. My mother is very unwell with alzheimers, & my brother has a lot of difficulties of his own, with a severe back condition, & issues with addiction. It is very hard to cope with it all some days.

i find it very hard to exercise, & i smoke a lot of tobacco. i get the basics done that i need to, but i know i also need to try & address my health. i spend a lot of time sitting around & on the computer. i do feel in a catch 22 with it all, as i feel that i need more in depth support to try & address everything.

Overall trajectory of my life - had certain difficulties in childhood, went through severe alcoholism & addiction, & severe schizophrenia/psychosis. Stopped all the drink/street drugs 12 years ago, & have tried to heal as best i can & build up a fuller & more independent life. Best that i've managed has been to remain relatively stable for the past 9 years, & maintain independent living.

i've lived alone 12 years & been single 15 years. It all gets very lonely sometimes. It's very hard for me to know what to do with a lot of things & where to go from here? i get a lot of fear, worry, anxiety & depression.

Really have had a hell of a life.

I'm sorry you're struggling Apotheosis I hope your GP is sympathetic and can get you in to talk to someone. I don't know where you live in the UK, but I know in some areas you can self-refer to talking therapies. You could try googling Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) where you live.

I can sympathise with you regarding family health issues and lack of MH support as that is my situation currently too. My grandfather also has advanced dementia and my Mum is currently in hospital with liver problems. And the CMHT is being useless since I left hospital in Dec. So I can understand some of what you're going through. I really hope that you can get some support soon

*Willow*

Thank you Willow. Sorry to hear that your having such a tough time of things as well.

It's a long story with my experience of therapists - to make it short i've never found the appropriate understanding/help/support that i have looked for with them. i have kind of largely given up with it all. i was referred by the GP a while ago to the local psychological service dept - They refused me treatment - said i knew the level of mindfulness training that they teach & that the only other thing would be a short course of CBT, which she said would be ineffective for things.

In 23 years of severe mental health difficulties, the only psychological help from the NHS has been 10 sessions with one of their psychologists around 4 years ago. i have sourced help from other places, but found problems with all of them. i could go into it all but it would take a lot of writing to list.

My current GP is OK. He's helping with a number of physical complaints i have. i'm just feeling tired & ill with everything.

XXX

[newtus]

why does it sound like the britain NHS isnt good?

Originally Posted by newtus

why does it sound like the britain NHS isnt good?

It's free at least. But it is very varied, & not perfect. There is also a lot of discrepancy between mental & physical health provision. Some people are happy with the MH services, others aren't.

[newtus]

i see. thanks for replying. care here in USA is not free but it costs a lot of money to have good private care. but once you have private care you get usually good care. or you have choice to change different doctors.

Originally Posted by newtus

i see. thanks for replying. care here in USA is not free but it costs a lot of money to have good private care. but once you have private care you get usually good care. or you have choice to change different doctors.

The impression we get from the UK is that most of the severely mentally ill are in the prison system in America & a lot are homeless.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Apotheosis

The impression we get from the UK is that most of the severely mentally ill are in the prison system in America & a lot are homeless.

yea many are. but most arent. one thing that factors in that is that it costs a lot of money to get good care. many (like me) are on government or state paid treatment. i used to get private care and had better care until i had to go on the states care plan. im on disability and dont make any money. so i have little.

I'm sorry you've not had much luck with psychological therapies Apotheosis.

The NHS experience is very varied Newtus. And there are huge discrepancies between physical & mental healthcare. And just with any profession there are good and bad. But really the NHS is being destroyed and privatised by stealth, and then we're going to be really screwed :/

*Willow*

i've been feeling better about things again. A lot more relaxed recently (since starting this thread)/ Goes like this really, i suppose life is ups & downs. A lot more optimistic about things. Thought that i'd share that - it's Not all doom & gloom.

Have also been attending a spiritual meet up/discussion circle, that i'm enjoying, & meeting new people.

Glad you're feeling better lately Apotheosis I'm also feeling better lately too. Long may it continue for us both!

*Willow*

i'm struggling a bit somewhat with everything.

Situation & circumstances are hard. i'm finding it very hard to function on a daily basis. i could go into a lot of it all, but there is so much & it's all a lot to try & explain. My mother has Alzheimers, & my brother is in addiction. i don't have any other family.

i end up just wanting to sit on my own in the flat most of the day, & not do anything. Smoking a lot & spending a lot of time on-line. Has been very much the pattern for the past 9 years.

i feel done in & damaged from everything i have gone through in my life. i've tried everything to follow a healing/recovery path for the past 12 years, & it has all been an immense struggle.

i get confused about this condition, & the schizophrenia diagnosis. i can see everything from many different perspectives. i wish that there was more understanding & support in my life, but there isn't.

It's very hard to continue to try & cope & deal with everything on a daily basis. A lot of different worries, stresses & pressures. Has been such a crazy life. Not a lot that i can do about many things, except just plod on as best that i can.

I'm so sorry that you're struggling again Apotheosis. Sometimes the most we can do is put one foot in front of the other. Dementia and addiction are hard to deal with in my experience, especially on top of sz! I'm sorry that you don't have any IRL support.

I hope that tomorrow is a brighter day for you

*Willow*

[costello]

Sorry you're having a hard time, Apotheosis. Life can be challenging. I'm feeling that myself these days. Working hard to improve things, but sometimes it seems hopeless. My mother also has dementia. I'm considering packing up my chickens and moving to her house, but I'm not sure how much it would help her since my job is an hour and 15 minutes from her house, so I'd be gone most of the day anyway.

I wish there were answers. Like you I'm just plodding on.

Thank you both. Just feels like i can't function or cope any more. Not in a distressed way.

[Zaria]

Sorry your family is not able to be there for you.
Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. My father had that, (he passed a few years ago.) My mother now has age related dementia which is a bit different, not quite as bad but she is not the person she was at all. Unfortunately I also am acquainted with addiction as well, having several family members who are in the throws of it. It is heartbreaking to watch your family seemingly 'vanishing' before your eyes. Even the ones who are still there, are really not.
Like you say, all we can do is "plod on" and keep hoping things will get better. .....One day at a time

Hi Zaria. Thank you for the message.

i am sorry to hear about the loss of your father, & also that your mother is poorly.

i find it all so hard trying to deal with my brother's addiction. Very difficult areas.

XXX