Roll Call 20

Yeah. Lucky for me I manage to drop my courses when I had my episode(s) so my GPA isn't crappy. My ex is trying to get me to go to school for graphic design. Thinking about it makes me nervous. However, I'm paying student loans and the parent plus loan without anything to show for it.

Good morning everyone. I 'm doing better today although not fully. still a itb glitchy but not as bad as I was.

Erti: you are really strong, you have survived so much.

medicalfox: you are strong, too. You're doing great. I know what you mean, though. I wish I could work just part time instead. I think it would be healthier fo rme, but I have to work full time.

Sometimes: I hate having visions of scary things like that. Hoopefuly good people like you are out there fighting for us.

i had this horrible another nightmare about being in the hospital and i was butt naked and i was like "how did i get here" and they said "the police took you here" and i had no idea how i got there. it was horrible. i was butt naked walking around and they put a sheet around me. and i was put in a room full of really bad schiz people. i keep having dreams about the hospital. that usually means im in for a full blown psychotic break or a big one.

I hope not. I hope it was just an anxiety dream and doesn't mean anything else. Mostly to me it sounds like an anxiety dream. Because you don't like the hospital already, and being naked is both 1) anxiety of being in a place you don't like enhanced by being naked. 2) feeling like in the hospital you a stripped of everything. And then being put in a room with really bad schiz people can be the anxiety of feeling like you're doing really badly, too.

I hate those types of dreams.

well its weird cuz everytime i dreamed of the hospital i ended up going some week or two later. i cant do that now becuz im leaving for a flight to cali in a week and im so scared. ive been having panic and anxiety attacks. i had a big panic attack yesterday and it was the first real panic attack i had in a long time. like it actually stopped what i was doing and i was curled on the bed couldnt breathe...

I'm so angry. If I don't have the injection on thurs they're guna section me. This is ****ed up I'm not ill.

are they forcing you basically?

yeah basically

Hugs to all of you that may be struggling today! I am struggling too. I am a mixture of anger and depression today. I am very easily annoyed and just want to be left alone. My sinus stuff is getting on my nerves too. I can hardly wait to get off work. My co-worker is getting on my very last nerve! I am so sick of her today! I wish it were summer already!

im nervous. i meet T soon.

junk

im actually getting another cold too cracking. sucks. sucks. sucks.

It must be a bad day because everyone is so quiet.

Hope it goes well junk!

Sorry you are having such a rough day cracking.

I am done working just waiting to be picked up. No tunnel vision which is good. I've been hearing little bursts of jibberish, but its been ignor-able. I am going to find a silly romantic comedy to watch with my wife tonight i think. I want to turn my brain off for awhile.

Good note: i fixed a computer problem at work.

Are you having a bad day faerie?

OMG guys..had the most awesome session..... T apologized for being cold and a"jack ***" his words. he said he was very proud of me for the text i sent him and said that it shows how much ive grown because iwouldnt have been able to say that to him a year ago. im sooooooooooooo happy. then we talked about this thing i printed out that Somtimes Psychotic linked to on here about ways to cope with voices. im like glowing because i was so nervous that he was gonna be mad and refer me out today but it went way better than that. i feel sooooo happy i dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow!!! Thats amazing! So happy for you junk!

i accidentally shut toby's tail in the window omg. he screamed at me. i made sure to pet him after and said im sorry. OOPS!!!!!!!!

That is so fantastic that your T reassessed his actions like that he must really be a good guy

Also yay that someone actually used one of my postings--yay!

Suddenly I don't have Medicaid... This is making me nervous.

What? Why would that happen?

No idea. I try to refill my meds and they said I don't have Medicaid anymore. I wasn't sent a letter or anything. It's weird.

I was reading the Ohio guide and it was like you have reapply every year with a face to face evaluation...did you do that?

http://my.clevelandclinic.org/Docume...umer-guide.pdf

page 44-45

I never got any notification on to reapply. I don't know who to contact. I should know these things. I'm trying to get ahold of someone over the phone but no answers as of now.

Yeah... I just got yelled at by a patient's wife because he got lost. She was screaming at me through the phone. The patient isn't in trouble or anything. He just couldn't find the clinic and she was screaming at me for not giving him all the information. And I couldn't explain to her I alawys give the clinic phone number for directions because they are far from me and I've never been there. But every time I tried to talk she screamed at me "SHUT UP I AM STILL TALKING AND YOU"RE GOING TO LISTEN." See and now I'm in a rage. It's harder and harder for me to deal with this. I need to do something else but what can I do? I'm trapped here.